Intense Fear Of Someone Finding It

[MT Johnny]

I'm so sorry about that. It's tough to be in that situation.

 

[mytai]

Thanks everyone for posting, it's nice to know I'm not alone in this. I'm sorry that so many you have experienced this in one form or another. :hug: to anyone who wants them.

 

[Powder]

I'm sorry you are feeling this feeling. I know some of it as well, so I do empathize. :hug:

I just had a flashback memory of being recorded, so now I'm aware that my phobia of cameras and being recorded is because of that during CSA, but I feel both that I wish I could find it to use it as PROOF, but also, I worry about the exposure and the control, as if that stuff somehow keeps it "all going" into perpetuity. I never saw it, and it may have been destroyed, but I have no control over that. I hate not having control. That powerlessness feeling is so awful.

But then, I tell myself, I don't think the abusers would want it in circulation, and it was a long time ago; it was probably destroyed. So I just go with that and try to not let it get to me.

It would likely worry them more than me, because they could be convicted by it, not me. If anything, it says nothing about me and everything about them.

You are a very kind person, so like me, you were the victim and don't deserve these feelings after all. You deserve to be as happy and as peaceful as you can.

 

[Weemie]

i have an intense fear of someone finding me. anyone, everyone. my name, my identity, who i am, where i live. i lose my mind if anyone takes pics of me. my social media accounts are on lockdown. i made my mom scrub her facebook account. i know shit's linked to this. being vulnerable. caught out. nothing of me, nothing of me. it's out there somewhere. onions and layers. the deep dark net. never.

 

[Freebird2015]

I went so far as to gain 100 extra pounds so that no one would recognize me. I thought it would be safe...