I guess it’s glaringly obvious to people that I am a product of a different environment, that I am not like most people they know.
I am not like you, but I too am not like most other people. Being ADHD and schizoid with a 170 verbal IQ puts me pretty solidly in multiple categories of "very rare human."
But even as distinct as I am, the ways that I am similar to others do outweigh the ways that I am different. My differences are just very evident. Much like yours.
I spent a majority of my existence faking my emotional responses as I learned early on that if I were authentically myself, others would be frightened. These days I am able to mitigate that with radical honesty.
It turns out most people can and do understand empathy deficits, even if they are affective and not cognitive. 20 years ago this was not the case, but now schizo-spectrum, autism, and psychopathy are more well understood.
It so happens that dissociation can play a role in empathy as well, and people with PTSD are more likely to have divergent empathy as a result. Fortunately, it is an impairment that is treatable.
In my case I lack interoception almost entirely, and it is treatment resistant. Neurogenesis via psilocybin has assisted but I am still very limited in the emotional sensations I experience. Like you, beforehand the only sensation I reliably felt was anger and irritation. Afterward I slowly regained certain emotions. Remorse was the first one I got back, interestingly enough.
Like you I grew up in an environment where terms such as "respect" were idealized. Gang culture is particularly rife with outdated modes surrounding the term, but it is typically paired with entitlement. However, as an adult I've come to understand that fear and aggression do not promote respect.
Respect doesn't need to be earned. It is an inherent part of being sentient - one who is alive does not need to earn dignity, or basic rights. Those should be granted automatically, to every human, without condition. Regard, on the other hand, is voluntary and based on reciprocal engagement. You don't need to like everyone.
Trust is not something I have ever understood and I likely never will. As a child I was diagnosed with RAD. This is a disorder that foundationally disrupts a child's capacity to form attachment in an ordinary manner to a primary caregiver. From what I understand this inhibits production of oxytocin which is integral to forming trust bonds. I have never felt trust before and it is probable I never will.
To me trust is about probability. I can trust people to behave within the parameters of their personality, based upon observation and consistent interaction with them. But nothing is ever guaranteed. Even the kindest soul could abruptly get a brain tumor and turn into a maniac.
In a way this is quite self-protective. By expecting nothing from anyone I do not need to be concerned about failure or disappointment. And with trauma, it is also very likely that a person's ability to foster trust bonds with others is interrupted. The more trauma you endure, the greater risk trusting others unconditionally poses.
Again, the good news is that in PTSD, these are conditions of existence that can be modified if you so choose. My recommendation would be for you to pursue treatment. Part of this decision would include the requirement to discuss your thoughts with someone else. It's quite unavoidable in therapy, I'm afraid.
Your other option is to learn psychology on your own and administer therapy to yourself. It is do-able, but challenging. And I can say from experience that even though I made great progress with autodidactic therapies, my problems ultimately wound up being social in nature.
And that means I needed to talk to another person. Anyhow, that's me - as I said, we are likely not similar! But hopefully there are others here you can relate to and that will prove beneficial to connect with. Welcome aboard. This place is an excellent stop-gap. Peer support can be invaluable in addressing these types of issues.
