DID is it possible to control or isolate some did/osdd switches?

[netrezven]

Hi, our system should be doing great. But i'm not. Every time it's getting harder to control myself and not do any harm to us. When i'm in i don't have strong conection with the others, so i'm usually left alone wanting to stop my existence/literally/. Paranoia, fear, negative emotions, broken heart, some kind of hate i think, hate to myself, all coming at once. This happens once or twice a month and always goes and still can't believe i will be gone soon. Can't stand the minutes, hours and so on. It's a complete torture.
Last time i stoped eating for around two days and created such a mess, so the others had to come out and fix it. That's my last memorie from over a month-as it checks out. Our wife kind of knows that something is going on, even when i'm avoiding contact with her. I'm telling her that it's temporary and will pass and hope to pass really.
Does anyone had such experiences and do you know how to reswitch. Some of us /the older versions of me/ kind of during the years were partially erased from us, than why i can't be erased? It's exactly what i want and needs to be done. Is it possible that the others don't want to erase me, because they are actually selfish and don't want to experince negative emotions?

 

[Ronin]

You are aware you don't just erase everything of a person with *no* trace whatsoever?

Double not if it's your body / reactions.

And something (one) tied to a wide cluster of emotions, reactions, experiences would still be around, until the issues are actually addressed & resolved.

You can't just cut off a part of yourself and no big deal, no change, carry on.

You can, however, bring all of these to multiple modalities of therapy. ;)

//

Personal, my mega bad juju dysregulation looks different. But given I'm still able to wreck similar havoc for our body and irritate them all trying to manage for months ;)

Being aware is a firstie.
Finding reasons you give a f*ck for *someone* around fixing it is a second.
Not botching others' healthy efforts is a third.
If you're able to, talking with the rest of the crew helps too.

And minimize damage risks. Ie. Weapons faar away, limiting or being done with substance use, healthy physical outlets like sports or exercise for getting out emotions & sensory overload, healthy nutrition & appropriate medicating issues y'all medicated for - and more self soothe than usual if your personal pain problems or pain tolerance are wildly different from the rest - and the like.

And give yourselves kudos for dealing with so much and trying so hard because managing DID is legit hell. :) So not like you do bad by default. Do awesome with an incredibly hard condition arising out of complex trauma.

Aware. Address. Abstain from harm. Appreciate.

 

[MyWillow]

My psydoc (weekly T) reminds me that it will always pass. Always. She’s right but it is so good to be reminded of it when I’m triggered.

 

[Wendell_R]

I've been stuck before, for extended times. Switching back, for me, requires finding a safe place for the one who is upset, and finding a way for them to express the hurt they feel, and finding a way to talk. It can be hard to get all of that together.

Grounding exercises help. Finding a physical safe place helps. Maybe not enough to switch back, but enough to calm the waters a bit. Connection with others is a long-term process, but it can happen.

Good luck!

 

[whiteraven]

Agree with everything everyone said here. I am not so badly dysfunctional anymore...but I was for a very long time. Only thing that helped was developing a way to communicate with everyone. We have a meeting room inside and I have a safe place only I can access.

Are you working with someone who can help you with communication?

Nobody gets "erased" because every part is important to the whole. Sometimes that's hard to see or feel, which is why it really helps to communicate with each other and to come to a better understanding of why everyone is there.

 

[Reflections]

Every time it's getting harder to control myself and not do any harm to us. When i'm in i don't have strong conection with the others, so i'm usually left alone wanting to stop my existence/literally/. Paranoia, fear, negative emotions, broken heart, some kind of hate i think, hate to myself, all coming at once. This happens once or twice a month and always goes and still can't believe i will be gone soon. Can't stand the minutes, hours and so on. It's a complete torture.

Hey, that sounds really tough, having to do manage alone. It's no wonder that you're suffering. I want you to know many of us have been in hard places where we couldn't handle the weight on us. Some of us are still there. Things do get better. Even in the moment feelings, come and go, they ebb and flow. Sometimes coping and breathing exercises is all you can do.

Does anyone had such experiences and do you know how to reswitch. Some of us /the older versions of me/ kind of during the years were partially erased from us, than why i can't be erased? It's exactly what i want and needs to be done.

I've had some bad episodes with anger and depression when things were really bad and I was unaware I even had parts. What helped was the systemlearning to deal with the emotions and the root of the emotions (like some parts having poor boundaries). When we became aware of parts, one part was very anxious because everything was on him to protect us. It can be too much for one part to deal with everything, so we agreed to help out to lighten the load so he didn't have to be so high alert all the time. In simple terms what has helped is all parts learning good coping, learning how to manage relationships/problems, and parts helping each other out. Having a therapist to talk with your other parts about your needs may be helpful. My therapist often plays as an empathetic mediator for us. Even if you don't have a direct connection to your parts to talk, you can write letters or messages. Even email your therapist what you need.

Switching takes communication, which you can build up indirectly with writing. The better the communication and the less internal conflict the easier switching is by choice. I also use positive triggers to help, but bare in mind switching should be consent based. So yes, systems can "reswitch".

As it's already been said though, parts don't get erased. They can be dormant or integrated, they don't get erased.

Is it possible that the others don't want to erase me, because they are actually selfish and don't want to experience negative emotions?

I don't think selfishness is the motive at play. I think trauma and pain can be more than we can handle. It's why we have parts in the first place. It's about surviving and trying to function. To a degree it is about not feeling those feelings, but we need the skills to handle those feelings. I do think part of getting into a more functional state is having more parts pitching in to help. They need to learn coping skills and start practicing them so you aren't the only one carrying this load.