Relationship Is It Ptsd Or Does He Really Not See A Future?

[JM318]

That's exactly what I was getting at.

Maybe he's still trying to figure it all out. I doubt 3 weeks in therapy has miraculously made things better for him. All he knows is he feels better being alone. That doesn't mean he doesn't love me but I'm sure he's confused.

 

[jems]

Maybe he's still trying to figure it all out. I doubt 3 weeks in therapy has miraculously made things bet...

I'm just as sad af for you. I still have high hopes. I just never like the idea of someone asking you to not contact them at all. It's just not fair to ask for that. It leaves you with hope, and sets you up for more pain.

 

[jems]

And we've tried talking about communication and he admits he has a hard time with it but can never seem to fix it.

even just a simple emoji, idk

 

[jems]

I agree I don't like the no contact thing either. And we've tried talking about communication and he admi...

I'm just throwing this out there, what if you suggested to just be friends? It might help to take the burn away for the time being. I have done that and it helped me cope better and gave me time to decide if I wanted to continue with the relationship. It might take the pressure off of both of you. Just an idea.

Every time my vet pulls away, I start referring to us as "friends" because I know it's the relationship pressure that is adding the extra stress. I think that's why we always continue to communicate. Even if we ever got married or moved in together I would do the same thing. He's been burned and lost so many times, and that just adds to his PTSD symptoms.

 

[jems]

@jems, are you talking about isolating, or if the man actually says "don't contact me...

I have not seen my vet for 3 weeks as of this past Monday. He is "overwhelmed" with life. Too much pressure, and he very politely asked me to let him "focus" and I went off the deep end initially, backed down, went off the deep end again, and backed down. I'm really surprised he's even put up with my sh*t at all. I even told him I was gonna start dating someone else, and he told me I deserved to happy, and that just infuriated me more. He even threatened to change his phone number during a heated fight that I started by digging for too many answers, but he still kept in contact. I'm not sure if he's talking to his family, going out, or hibernating between home and work. I know (in hindsight) when he uses the word "overloaded" that is my cue to back up (which I failed at miserably this time). We had plans before all of this to go to a concert tomorrow, and I'm really upset because I am 100% sure I'm not going due to him needing space, and can't help to wonder who he's going with, or if he's going at all. The fact that he is still making VERY simple contact and responding to my texts about every 2 days tells me he isn't doing well with his PTSD symptoms - seems unable to show me any emotion or maybe he doesn't want to, idk. If he completely stopped talking, I know I would have no choice but to walk away (but that would happen with many sleepless, crying days/nights, anxiety attacks and melt downs... I'm certainly no superwoman). He lives 45 minutes from me, and we spend tons of time together, and if we aren't together, we are constantly texting or talking throughout the day (before he pulled away). 1 -7 days of not talking is reasonable for isolation, not weeks and months! Agree?

I'm adding this in... I'm getting super stressed/anxiety at this very moment about the concert plans. We had been talking about it for months. If he was truly overloaded with life, etc.... would he actually go? Could he actually have fun without me there since this was "our plans"? I am totally panicked and thinking the worst. Maybe he'll take another female...?

 

[JM318]

I'm just throwing this out there, what if you suggested to just be friends? It might help to take the burn...

I remember when we got back together in April, we were good but one weekend he was saying he wasn't ready to be in a relationship, things were too fast for him so we discussed taking things extra slow and easing back in. The following weekend, we were at a friends house and I was going to sleep early, so he came upstairs with me and I told him that being friends makes things complicated because we've never been just close friends (acquaintances yes) but not friends. I get what you're saying and I wouldn't be opposed to it, but what is the difference between that and "putting our relationship aside so you can focus on recovery" that's pretty much the same thing, there is no focus on the relationship whatsoever. I think me texting him yesterday just made things stressful because he needs to go at his pace not mine. He knows I love him, and I'm not responding back to the text. At this point he still didn't break things off, he simply just was being honest and said hes realizing hes happier being without me the last few weeks. Okay, well I can't get mad at him for being honest. But, is that fair for me? No its not. I'm not sure what I want anymore. I want to be able to just be and not worry about all the relationship stress. But that's the thing we have NORMAL relationship stress, like when couples like to check in "Be home later honey" type of thing. I'm really not sure anymore, but somethings gotta give.

 

[jems]

I remember when we got back together in April, we were good but one weekend he was saying he wasn't ready...

I'm just saying just to use the reference "friends" to take pressure off of both of you. It's kind of like buying time, with a lot less pain involved. I don't know, it worked for me so that I could sleep better at night, and was more easily able to focus on me. Knowing where each one of you stood with no doubts might give both of you comfort.

To this day, I never use the word "relationship" with my vet. I know the word itself stresses him out. He's always asked me to just let things happen, and I did. It only made us much closer and trust me. (This time I totally sucked at everything though - I have to keep emphasizing that because I am totally humbled by my own f'd up behavior. I'm getting better though.)

I'm really having trouble articulating what I am trying to say, but I'm only offering this suggestion to ease your pain. <3

 

[jems]

But that's the thing we have NORMAL relationship stress, like when couples like to check in "Be home later honey" type of thing. I'm really not sure anymore, but somethings gotta give.

That's the hardest part. Knowing things could be so much easier.

 

[JM318]

I'm just saying just to use the reference "friends" to take pressure off of both of you. It's kind of like...

His mom texted me this morning, but she's new to texting, who only responds in short messages so I really don't get much satisfaction hearing from her unless it's in person. She does write a little longer if she emails me at work. She asked if I had talked to my veteran. I explained what happened last night and then asked if she's heard from him yet too, no response. I know she is working and will get back to me later. She always sticks up for me and loves me to death, and I know he listens to her advice which is always good genuine advice. Over the last few years she's learned to step back and not get involved as much, but she does step in sometimes when she can.

Anyways, I feel like you guys are tired of listening to me complain lately. I deactivated Facebook and I'm not posting on Snapchat or Instagram. I'm off the grid except on here. I can't even cry about anything anymore, haven't cried yet. I really just don't know how I feel. I'm on the fence, just like my horoscope said. His horoscope said something about September 9th, being "the biggest, best and most important time for relationship building in over a decade." I always thought that was about us but who knows maybe he'll meet someone else :/ I would be devastated.

 

[JM318]

September 9th, being "the biggest, best and most important time for relationship building in over a decade."

I forgot to add - "One that will put the challenges of the past into perspective"

 

[jems]

His mom texted me this morning, but she's new to texting, who only responds in short messages so I really...

I'm not tired of you at all. <3

I refuse to sign onto facebook because he deleted me when I reached out to his mom.

 

[jems]

I forgot to add - "One that will put the challenges of the past into perspective"

I'm not into horoscopes, even though they entertain me. I really believe that we create our destiny to a certain degree. I am totally with you through this and feel every bit of your pain.