Relationship Is It Too Much To Ask For An Apology?

[Sweetpea76]

I know what it is... we've been talking about moving in together and getting married. Now he's flipping out. Last week I was gorgeous and he can't live without me... this week I'm 90% of his problems.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

So sorry to hear this but I think he is just having a lousy time and does not mean it :(
(((hug))) I would try just to give him some space and ignore his texts.

 

[Peach]

One step forward, five steps back. Hopefully once he calms down and get's his head back together he'll be closer to accepting the moving in plan...assuming you'll still want that. How exciting!:)

 

[Sweetpea76]

I'm actually the one who is hesitant to move in together, believe it or not. I have two teenage kids, and it's one thing for me to willingly ride the PTSD rollercoaster. It's another to make them deal with it with no choice in the matter.

He's never snapped at the kids, or said anything mean or off to them. Honestly, I don't think he would, but if he does it to me when he is stressed, what's to say he wouldn't do it to them when he is stressed? And even if he didn't, like I said before, I don't want my kids, especially my daughter, seeing a man talk to their mother like that and think that this is an acceptable way to treat your spouse/partner.

My son is starting college, and my daughter only has a few more years of high school. I'm very hesitant to move in while she is still a minor.

 

[Sweetpea76]

... and of course, when he is feeling well he knows I am just being rational and taking care of my kids. When he is stressed he thinks I don't love him and I'm always putting my kids first etc.

 

[Sighs]

Oh @Sweetpea76 - you can't win!

My daughter was 16 when I moved interstate to be with my vet. He had been staying with us more and more and she hated it and complained to my mother. My mother basically railroaded me into moving away and took over the care of my daughter. She was always grandma's spoiled favourite and I think there was a bit of playing my mother and I off against each other. But she never thought I would actually go and now she and my mother fight all the time and I feel massive guilt for leaving her.

Having said that - she would never cope with my vet and he would never cope with her (as she has high functioning autism). In 4 more months she will be off to Uni and not living with my mother so fingers crossed it all works out in the end. Sigh!

 

[Peach]

Oh, I see. Yes, that does make sense for you to be hesitatnt, then. Ugh, everything is always so complicated. What a pain in the ass.

 

[Sweetpea76]

@Sighs... you really can't win. It is so hard when kids are almost adults. Its a fine line between doing what is best for them, while accepting they have to make their own decisions, and starting the process of letting go.

I had my kids very young, so all I know is being a mom. I was a mom before I could legally drink. I have to go through my own empty nest "thing" too, and it would be helpful if he would be a little more understanding about it.

 

[Sighs]

Does he have his own kids?

Despite my mother's railroading I would have insisted on staying until my daughter finished school but I was made redundant at work and the job market was better where my vet lived than where I did. The timing was not quite right but close so I did it. I don't know if my daughter will ever understand or forgive me... Sigh!

 

[Sweetpea76]

Nope, no kids. I'm not sure if that helps or hinders. He has always wanted kids, but it never worked out. He would be an awesome stepdad for the most part. He also occasionally talks about having a baby of our own. Physically, I can still have kids, and I'll always be the type that has that baby-urge... but I don't know how he'd manage the stress of a baby or young child.

This should all be no-brainer stuff. If the PTSD wasn't a factor we'd probably be married, my kids would have an awesome stepdad, and we could have a baby by now.

That's not the hand we were dealt though. I'm content just rolling with it. We'll move in together when both of us can stop freaking out about it long enough to do it, and we'll eventually get married... or not. I don't feel the need to get married again.

Who knows? It's a freakin rollercoaster.

 

[Sweetpea76]

@Sighs ... teenagers are a pain in the best of circumstances. It doesn't matter what you do. My daughter hates me just about every morning because I don't let her dress like a baby-prostitute.

One day they'll get it.

 

[Sighs]

Lol - my mother feels like the whole thing has backfired on her because instead of being grandma who spoils now she has to be bad cop and enforce the rules while I get to fly interstate every once in a while and take my daughter out to dinner and a movie and then fly off again!