Is This What Normal Feels Like?

[Nam]

I'm crying over happy things. I'm feeling emotions about normal daily activities. I feel so much pride in my kids that I'm getting choked up. What the heck? This never used to happen. In fact, I don't have many positive emotions like pure happiness or pride (is it sad I can't think of any others?). Indifference and annoyance and downright angry or sad are my common ones. Indifference is my default mode.

And I only cry when I'm frustrated. And I hate doing it.

This past week has been like an emotional roller coaster. I'm opening up more about everything with my hubs and I'm not fighting the tears as much. I'm trying to feel whatever is there and try not to scold myself for feeling that way.

Tonight I cried in public over something happy. What is going on?

 

[emz315]

Hi @Nam I'm not sure of your background history but it sounds like a breakthrough too me. Do you recieve treatment and are we talking about a diagnosed PTSD previously?

 

[Nam]

@emz315 I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2004. Had bad symptoms and therapy for a year or so. Slowly worked back up to what I thought was normal functioning. Went on to have more kids, moved, etc. I've been working on some of the abandonment stuff recently. I am resuming therapy in the beginning of March for depression symptoms worsening.

I'm having a weird day. I'm anxious, floaty, hard to put sentences together, stuttering, and forgetting stuff. I forgot the meat in the microwave today. It's a change from previous weeks of laying low and depressive symptoms. I can't say that my mood is normal but I'm not sure if I know what that is.

 

[WildMermaid]

:hug: To me it sounds like you're just at a place where you may be filling your heart with gratitude. :) No idea if your feelings are normal as I've never been considered normal. More :hug: s.

 

[Seagreen]

Enjoy your happiness and pride in your children. I hope are also proud of yourself. It sounds like you have made some great achievements in your recovery.

 

[ms spock]

It reads to me like you are growing and deepening your heart and your connections to other people. I can sense that this is uncomfortable for you right now but I would imagine with time it will settle down.

How wonderful that you are feeling pride in your children and so many positive emotions.

 

[WillyKat]

You're crying because you're healing. Enough said.

However, you do realize that you've asked a bunch of PTSD sufferers "what normal is", right?:confused::woot: Boy are you barking up the wrong tree.:laugh:

 

[WildMermaid]

yeppers what @WillyKat said *twitch* :confused: :alien: :D

 

[J_trustno1]

@Nam: I get into that kind of emotions when I am triggered, when I hated myself and when I was breaking down. However, I also had these emotions building up due to thyroid problem and PMDD (hormonal imbalance). It would be best if you really can get yourself checked. Are you taking any medication or have started something new in your diet that can cause these feelings? I get severe anxiety if I have caffeinated beverages or energy drink and end result of these is no sleep. I hope you feel well soon but please try finding what is the root of these emotions? Are you not happy maybe because you are doing things for others but not yourself? You maybe trying to fulfill other peoples expectations that you are forgetting to look after yourself? Our emotions are very smart when it comes to abandonment or when we are not pleasing ourselves enough. I really didn't mean to make you upset but do look through things carefully. :hug:s

 

[Nam]

Getting physical stuff done is probably a good idea. I haven't had blood drawn in a while. My periods are waay far apart. 40 plus day cycles. More questions for my doc next week.

@WillyKat lol, you are probably right. Maybe it is healing? It threw my daughter for a loop. "Are you crying????" "Why???" And then she profusely apologized when she did awesome! If you could see me, I'm smiling, gasp, about crying. Omg. I'm a nut.

 

[J_trustno1]

I used to go nuts after ovulation. I had weird emotions: too sensitive, crying spells, irritable, unhappy, angry. So it is best to get hormones tested, also get your thyroid, iron and B12 levels tested.

 

[TonyG]

I hate to be the party pooper but it doesn't sound normal to me, my normal days are when I wake up feeling fresh and well rested, with no tremors or anxiety and the ability to laugh, but that's just me