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Relationship it's still very difficult to move on

I have PTSD, my ex does not.

The relationship ended 8 months ago, over TEXT. Ok, so not the same as what you experienced, I know. He did say at one point that if things were to end, we would need to discuss it in person. Stupid me thought I’d actually get this. Nah, in the end, people do what they want to do. I tried to get him to talk to me multiple times and, nada… At one point I thought he changed his phone number, and that was actually the turning point for me when I could let go. Well, guess who knocks on my door at 10:30pm on Saturday night? Yeah, him. I didn’t let him in but did talk to him outside. He said he felt like he owed me an explanation. It was mostly a bunch of nothing that I didn’t already know, but he did say that he couldn’t handle me criticizing his family (who had treated me like crap, btw, so it was all said in retaliation). At 8 months out, I already had given myself the closure that I needed. Yes, it took some time, but it eventually came to me. Him showing up on my doorstep was just him doing what he wanted to do for himself. It actually had nothing to do with me. I’m still like….. 🤷‍♀️

It gets easier over time. I know that everyone says this, but it’s true. One day at a time.

Edit. It turns out he didn’t actually change his phone number. It was something I was mistaken about, but still, that was my turning point when I said “it’s really over” and could let go.
I am glad you managed to give yourself a closure. I hope you have also found healing through it
 
he finally admitted he has been pushing me away because he is severely ill but he is still not willing to let me in...I dont know what I can do...
 
he finally admitted he has been pushing me away because he is severely ill but he is still not willing to let me in...I dont know what I can do...
I don't think there's anything you can do, except look after yourself and live your life. I'm almost four years in with someone who periodically holds me very firmly at arm’s length.

Like everyone has said here, only you can decide how much of it you can live with, and there's no shame in giving up and walking away. Or sticking around. Or changing your mind. You can't fix him. I know you want to help him, I want that too more than anything with my guy, but if he won't let you near, he won't. You have to help yourself. It sucks and it's hard. And it hurts, but all we can do is look out for ourselves.

Good luck x
 
he finally admitted he has been pushing me away because he is severely ill but he is still not willing to let me in...I dont know what I can do...
Are you willing to kidnap him & hold him against his will?

Aside from that… There is nada you can do. As his mental illness is nothing you have control over. Nor his thoughts/willingness/life.
 
I don't think there's anything you can do, except look after yourself and live your life. I'm almost four years in with someone who periodically holds me very firmly at arm’s length.

Like everyone has said here, only you can decide how much of it you can live with, and there's no shame in giving up and walking away. Or sticking around. Or changing your mind. You can't fix him. I know you want to help him, I want that too more than anything with my guy, but if he won't let you near, he won't. You have to help yourself. It sucks and it's hard. And it hurts, but all we can do is look out for ourselves.

Good luck x
thanks for sharing. I am sure it hasn't been easy for you. I can understand why he acts like this but sometimes I do feel unloved even he said he does because his actions dont match with his words. I think this is one of the things that im confused about whether to stay around or not.

Are you willing to kidnap him & hold him against his will?

Aside from that… There is nada you can do. As his mental illness is nothing you have control over. Nor his thoughts/willingness/life.
when I said I dont know what to do, I also mean how I should view this thing rather than I am trying to do something to change him. of course I wish I could change the situation, but we all know its not possible.
 
thanks for sharing. I am sure it hasn't been easy for you. I can understand why he acts like this but sometimes I do feel unloved even he said he does because his actions dont match with his words. I think this is one of the things that im confused about whether to stay around or not.
Yes, this is one of the things I often find confusing too - actions not matching words. And then sometimes they do, and I'm confused all over again! My guess is, for me at least, my guy genuinely wants everything he says but a lot of the time he's simply not well enough to allow it to happen. That doesn't lessen his depth of feeling but it does mean it's often impossible for us to be in a relationship in the way either of us would wish.

It's taken me a long time and a lot of soul searching to step back and let him just get on with it. And I've got on with my life too. When our paths cross, it's wonderful, but I've stopped hoping that he'll consistently be able to deliver on his words. One day he might be healed enough for us to be together, if I'm still around, but I don't kid myself anymore that I always will be.

You may need to resign yourself to it being a loving, kind friendship- at least at the moment. I'm sure he does care and isn't lying to you, but if he isn't well enough to follow through, then his actions will always fall short of what you need.
 
Yes, this is one of the things I often find confusing too - actions not matching words. And then sometimes they do, and I'm confused all over again! My guess is, for me at least, my guy genuinely wants everything he says but a lot of the time he's simply not well enough to allow it to happen. That doesn't lessen his depth of feeling but it does mean it's often impossible for us to be in a relationship in the way either of us would wish.

It's taken me a long time and a lot of soul searching to step back and let him just get on with it. And I've got on with my life too. When our paths cross, it's wonderful, but I've stopped hoping that he'll consistently be able to deliver on his words. One day he might be healed enough for us to be together, if I'm still around, but I don't kid myself anymore that I always will be.

You may need to resign yourself to it being a loving, kind friendship- at least at the moment. I'm sure he does care and isn't lying to you, but if he isn't well enough to follow through, then his actions will always fall short of what you need.
thank you for your sharing. the illness he is encountering is not curable but could be improved with right treatment, but I am so afraid I would lose him and never see him again. I know he is on treatment but I don't get an update, anything can be appropriate to ask in this situation?
 
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