Job Issues

[shimmerz]

Okay, so I woke up two mornings ago (when I get these 'realizations'). Interesting the timing of things. All of the sudden I realized that of course I am terrified of work. Not just because I can't do what I love anymore (as it is too wrapped up in my trauma), but because they freaking terrorized me at work for a year! They would drop in, harass me, diss me in front of clients, scream at me in the office. This on top of what they were doing to me at home.

Of course I am terrified of working. I didn't recognize how that fit in until my beloved spoke to me about doing some content creation for a company's social media platform. I was having flashbacks all day. I didn't realize until I went out to pick him up from work that I was a mess. I had to let him drive home. I haven't had a day like this in a long, long time.

I mean, clearly I am going to have to scale down the job that I do. I won't be able to deal with a high responsibility, high stress job anymore, but every job is stressful....

So work..... how does one actually work on work triggers without working? Does one get a job, drop on the floor in a dead out faint (my typical reaction) as a form of exposure therapy, get fired and try again? This ties into homelessness, it ties into my dependence on others, lack of choices, the whole nine yards.

Any takers?

 

[Deleted member 28740]

I was having flashbacks all day. I didn't realize until I went out to pick him up from work that I was a mess.

Long ugly story just the same. Did not know I had PTSD, and thought when he wanted to make amends with work to save my home that I was facing my fears and a new slate. Work, not relationship. Oh my. Was I Wrong.

 

[scout86]

A couple thoughts. You could start with a volunteer deal of some sort.

About a year & a half ago, I had an interesting email conversation with a guy who wrote one of my favorite books on PTSD. He was interested in what I do for a living and we talked some about what I like about it and why it works. He shared that a fair number of vets he knows, who have PTSD, have jobs basically as craftsmen of some sort. Things like glassblowing. Stuff that's a bit different. Semi artistic. But they are their own bosses. I'd never thought about that before. But, I can see where what I do fits pretty well with who I am and what I CAN do. First, people in my line of work are stereotyped as being temperamental, hard to get along with, etc. I'm way ahead of the game because I usually show up when I say I will. LOL I don't have to deal with the same people everyday. I get to go to different places every day. Somewhat different problems everyday. If I don't feel like dealing with people, I just don't call them back. (Can't get too carried away with that or I'd starve. But, I control my own schedule.

So, maybe you could start by sorting through those things about "work" that are problematic so you're clear on what they really are, and then look for ways you can use your skills that let you avoid the problems. Or at least control them? And "they" aren't in the picture these days, right?

 

[KwanYingirl]

Sounds like you need to put your feelers out for a new job as opposed to the other choice which means filing a grievance against the terrorists. Well you can keep all status quo and try to not get triggered which means exposure therapy. Somethings gotta give so you can return to equilibrium.

 

[Nicky Scott]

Okay, so I woke up two mornings ago (when I get these 'realizations'). Interesting the timing of thing...

Okay, so I woke up two mornings ago (when I get these 'realizations'). Interesting the timing of thing...

Hello just wanted to share a bit of my story and see if it is of any relevance. I was involved in an incident of workplace violence in Nov.2013. I was told to basically shut up about it (long story-can fill you in later if necessary) and accept his verbal sorry. Continued working until Feb. 2015 when I was diagnosed with PTSD after my body shut down.Family doctor diagnosed me in Feb. 2015, Psychiatrist diagnosed me in Mar. 2015. Have not worked there since Feb been on short term. No income from anywhere since August 14,2015. Denied WSIB, denied long term disability saying I was non-compliant with my meds and that I would not return to work. All false accusations with proof. Went to my family doctor last Thursday and told that I will be returning to work. ?????????????? Is there something wrong with me? Facing my fears is therapy she said.

 

[Jnean]

I too have something similar going on at doing my job. It's what I've always been good at. It also involves homelessness and PTSD clients. I have a supportive environment with respect so I'm lucky but sometimes I have to literally meditate in my office. I'm thankful for my own space or I don't think I could do it. I had a few rough days tho where it helped me to sit with someone else working and try to work on one thing that was semi mindless in comparison. Two days in the last week I found myself crying and I don't really know how I got through it. It scares me because I fear letting clients fall through cracks so to speak because of my trauma. I want to say I understand some. I'm sorry.

 

[VioletButterfly]

Totally relate. In new job - profanity, fighting, allergies to environmental toxins, triggers galore. I hide in the women's room (the private one) and try to comfort myself and tuck up for a few minutes while the tears flow, I take Xanax, I take walks, I look for other jobs, I talk to my T. Had an emergency session with my T's colleague today because of what happened yesterday. Man talking about rape like it's a verb and not related to sexual assault. Huh?! Corporate culture is wacked - illicit talk about sex and lady parts when the sales reps were in town - I dissociated and went to the ladies room to breathe for that week. I don't have an answer other than to get into another job. I have used ear buds to block out the profanity, negativity, snarkiness and in-fighting, but the allergens are another story. I'm asking my boss (adore her!!!) if I can move desks tomorrow. If they can't accommodate a move, I'll have to resign. The allergies have now turned into migraines. Some suggestions and some actions. I hope some of it helps. If nothing else, I hear you and can relate. We have to work, but maybe something less stressful? Freelance plus a lower paying/less stress full-time?? Not sure what you do, but it sounds like graphic arts/IT. Wishing the best outcome for you!!!! VB

 

[illusionist]

Work has never really been a choice for me...never been able to do what I really wanted to do, so I've worked within the environment..yep...I've been up in front of the board, sacked, and then had to start again.

The alternative?....no home? ...been there and certainly don't want to go back to that. I would rather shovel Shit than go back to that.

...shovel Shit?.... ...

...no, eat Shit.

 

[Neverthesame]

@Nicky Scott While what your GP said is technically true. Exposure therapy is supposed to be conducted in as controlled and safe environment as possible. Usually under the supervision of the therapist. Unless your doctor is keen to go to work with you. Going through breathing exercises.

In other words, if your doctor is not a psychologist. Then they need to shut the hell up and write a referral. (Sorry if that's a bit forceful, woke up on the wrong side of the bed.)

@shimmerz I have mentioned a few times on here about why I am in my current occupation. I have essentially put into practice what Nicky's doctor suggested. Except it was my own dumb idea.

I would be lying if I said that this hasn't had positive effects on me in regards to anxiety and trigger management. Though I wouldn't be surprised if the excess stress has taken a few years off my expected lifespan. I know that I did it wrong. Slower would have been better.

That being said, I am just about to enter my 9th year in this same job. I can hardly believe it, I never thought I would last this long, surrounded by things that are huge triggers. But here I am.

The fact that the job you are struggling with, is your chosen career field. I would be hesitant to leave it. Once you are separated from it, it becomes a monumental source of anxiety to go back into. Not impossible, but very intimidating.

I don't think I will ever go back into emergency services. Never say never, but just the thought of it is making me cringe.

Anyways... I'm rambling again.

I wouldn't advise you to do anything that will end up with you going syncope, fainting isn't fun. That, and getting anyone to take you seriously wearing a crash helmet is neigh on impossible. Maybe you may want to think about other fields that interest you.

It's never too late to go back to school, even if you need to pick up some crap job in the meantime. You'll be working towards something good.

 

[Powder]

Main thing to keep in mind is that the past is not the future. More likely you won't encounter the same thing again someplace else, carefully selected, if possible.

But that last one needs to be processed out a bit more first. Can't go in that shaken up. No way to start.

Gotta find a happy place (I guess, I hear people have them, and I try...) to use as a positive resource. In the throws of a bad fitting job at the moment.

Some of it is simply my personality and finding a fit for that, then add the PTSD and dissociation. I thought a highly structured environment would help me feel safer, and sometimes the routine does help, but I still dissociate and struggle to do my job. But then the highly structured, needless and senseless structures and crap hierarchy of bullshit just gets me so depressed, as it seems to do for everyone there.

I have never found a great, great fit but working a coffee bar with laid back vibe was my favorite job, and I have a M.A. but the business and low-stakes were what I needed then.