Relationship Just Need A Good Vent

[kahlan]

Ok so I've noticed my N. recently withdrawing a bit so I've been letting him have his space. I've missed our connection quite a bit the last two weeks but yesterday we finally had some time together and a very good conversation so I was feeling hopeful.

Well today was a whole different story. I was at work which he knew but some minor (to me) issue arose so I was trying to play middleman between him and a mutual friend over something. The longer it went the more agitated he got and honestly I getting stressed over it because I was trying to do my job at the same time. Finally he straight snapped at me and I snapped back. I felt bad because I know it's not him and explained my side of what was going on, to which I received some snarky comments so I walked away and said we would talk later when there was less chance of either of us saying anything else that we would regret. "Fine, whatever...bye" is what I hear next.

Now I'm over thinking the whole day and even more stressed. I love him but HATE his PTSD. He's such an amazing person, and the good by far outweighs the negative, but it definitely hurts when this happens. I'm sorry if I'm rambling but really neeed to get this off my chest tonight and anyone I'm close to is either already in bed or doesn't understand.

 

[Court]

Hi Kahlan,

I think you did the right thing. Or at least I would have done the same. I'm learning to ignore (can't walk away as he is deployed) and he eventually snaps out of it and goes back to the man I know and love. I personally feel for my marriage distance helps but I do feel guilty and I'm still learning to deal with that.

My chaplain told me to think first never react but respond. It's a challenge at times but I can see myself calming down as my responses or no where near what my reaction would be.

Hope this helped some. Have a goodnight and be on the lookout because there is so many people with great advice.

Court

 

[kahlan]

I've been working on "think first" and it does become more natural the more you make yourself stop and take a deep breath before lashing back out. It still went further than it should have and now I feel bad for not taking control of at least myself sooner.

A little background on me is I grew up in an abusive single parent home and also was bullied through junior high and high school. Fought a pretty severe depression in my 20's and sometimes wonder how I'm still alive (placed myself in some rather risky situations all because I just couldn't care what happened to me at the time). Came through all that with therapy and one very close friend who taught me how to be assertive because I actually do matter. Sometimes though I still fall back on letting people walk on me so I don't upset them then lash out when I begin to get frustrated.

That is kind of what happened last night. I did did did for him then when I was still getting told that wasn't good enough I lashed out.

I know this will work itself out with patience but right now just talking about it here seems to help me.

 

[dms]

I love him but HATE his PTSD

Kahlan I really understand your pain and frustration.