LadyLucifer
New Here
Hi there. I'm in no crisis, but I simply need answers, as the area where I live doesn't have reliable resources for such conditions. Let me introduce myself, I am an anomole within anomole. My genetic components don't make much sense to the common person, even with a psychology or medical background.
First anomole-I have a super rare medical condition in which I am missing a right eye. Its called unilateral anopathalmia. No two cases of this condition are the same, as its linked to severe IQ problems as well as organ issues. I have none of that. I have a slightly lower IQ than standard people (My last score from 2014 was 89, below average. Nothing sever) No one in my family has this condition. I was just the unlucky (and yet lucky for not having any organ or severe cognative problems) one
2nd anomole-I have aspergers and I'm female. This is a form of autism that is mostly found in men. Like any other mental disorder, aspergers shows itself different in females than it does men. Ironically, I'm supposed to be a genius with this disorder. But I'm not. Becuase if you remember the first anomole, I only have an 89 IQ.
3-Almost everyone in my family has aspergers or autism. But older generations refuse to get that checked out. They like being socially inept. I don't, which is why I ostracize myself from them.
4-I come from a mother and father who were mentally abusive and are narcissits. I'm in college, living out of state during the semester. But during summer and winter breaks, I live with my parents. They are my finicial and enviormental support at this moment in time.
5-I'm narcoleptic, thats also a rare condition. Though I've been on new medication for that and its been working.
I've dealt with a lot of bullying, some sexual abuse, some neglect as a child, and I was forced into plastic surgury at six monthes old. (becuase of the first anomole) Thats what my PTSD stems from. I've had dealt with PTSD before, but I've surpressed it for several years. I dismiss it as 'just a bad dream.' I've told myself to 'let it go.' Until recently, where my visions of the past, came back to bite me in the butt.
I'm a psychology major in college. I'm used to talking about abuse and truama without being phase. Becuase when I read about these stories, I don't invison myself in the scenario. I focus on how that person is now and reprocussions of the abusers. I focus on the statistics. I never think about myself, when I learn about abuse.
That is until this summer, when I decided to take a child development class as a summer course at the local community college. Early in the semester, I was asked to write an autobiography using Erikson's theory of development (the 8 stages of crisis)...thats when I had to focus on my abuse. My outcomes. The reprocussions that never happened to my abusers.
I started to become frantic about things that were no longer in my life. I won't say I'm normally calm when it comes to my tempermant. But I'm not frantic either. Before my "PTSD awakening" my anexity was internal, due to the abuse I had dealt with. I will have anexity "explosions' but that is rare and there has to be a lot of contributing factors. After PTSD, I act like I am a chicken with its head cut off.
I loose sense of time. i have to remind myself that I am 22 years old and its 2018. I see people from the past, not who they are in the present. Different age realities mesh together. (i.e: I was molested by a "friend" of mine at 10 yrs, I was a terrible student in elementary school, I was always late in my senior year, I was almost gang raped 3 years ago, all of those things mold into one reality, even if they happened at different points of my life)
So what kind of answers am I looking for? I guess how to be "normal," becuase "normal" people don't know how to respond to an anomole like me. I have hard times identifying with groups I'm part of becuase of the anomoles.
While I'm going through a lot, I am safe. I'm seeing a regular therapist. I don't have a psychatrist in my little old town .(that takes my insurance that is) I have people I can talk to. (sorta) I have no intentional feelings of harming myself. I'm okay....I'm just going through a lot. Thats why I'm here.
I'm not mad at my professor for bringing on such trauma. Its not her fault that this happened to me. I'm sure she wasn't expecting to get such a depressing essay, since America has this rose colored glasses about abuse and mental illness. I still love psychology and this turn of events was just...unplanned.
The psychologist I was seeing between 2013 to 2016 was the one responsable for my trauma. As she told me to repress it, rather than deal with it. This new one I started seeing last year is greatful my professor assigned this paper. Not becuase she is a sadist, but she wants to help me look past those traumas.
That is my story. Its a pleasure to be here.
Sorry for my bad grammar and spelling. Its late, i should be in bed.
First anomole-I have a super rare medical condition in which I am missing a right eye. Its called unilateral anopathalmia. No two cases of this condition are the same, as its linked to severe IQ problems as well as organ issues. I have none of that. I have a slightly lower IQ than standard people (My last score from 2014 was 89, below average. Nothing sever) No one in my family has this condition. I was just the unlucky (and yet lucky for not having any organ or severe cognative problems) one
2nd anomole-I have aspergers and I'm female. This is a form of autism that is mostly found in men. Like any other mental disorder, aspergers shows itself different in females than it does men. Ironically, I'm supposed to be a genius with this disorder. But I'm not. Becuase if you remember the first anomole, I only have an 89 IQ.
3-Almost everyone in my family has aspergers or autism. But older generations refuse to get that checked out. They like being socially inept. I don't, which is why I ostracize myself from them.
4-I come from a mother and father who were mentally abusive and are narcissits. I'm in college, living out of state during the semester. But during summer and winter breaks, I live with my parents. They are my finicial and enviormental support at this moment in time.
5-I'm narcoleptic, thats also a rare condition. Though I've been on new medication for that and its been working.
I've dealt with a lot of bullying, some sexual abuse, some neglect as a child, and I was forced into plastic surgury at six monthes old. (becuase of the first anomole) Thats what my PTSD stems from. I've had dealt with PTSD before, but I've surpressed it for several years. I dismiss it as 'just a bad dream.' I've told myself to 'let it go.' Until recently, where my visions of the past, came back to bite me in the butt.
I'm a psychology major in college. I'm used to talking about abuse and truama without being phase. Becuase when I read about these stories, I don't invison myself in the scenario. I focus on how that person is now and reprocussions of the abusers. I focus on the statistics. I never think about myself, when I learn about abuse.
That is until this summer, when I decided to take a child development class as a summer course at the local community college. Early in the semester, I was asked to write an autobiography using Erikson's theory of development (the 8 stages of crisis)...thats when I had to focus on my abuse. My outcomes. The reprocussions that never happened to my abusers.
I started to become frantic about things that were no longer in my life. I won't say I'm normally calm when it comes to my tempermant. But I'm not frantic either. Before my "PTSD awakening" my anexity was internal, due to the abuse I had dealt with. I will have anexity "explosions' but that is rare and there has to be a lot of contributing factors. After PTSD, I act like I am a chicken with its head cut off.
I loose sense of time. i have to remind myself that I am 22 years old and its 2018. I see people from the past, not who they are in the present. Different age realities mesh together. (i.e: I was molested by a "friend" of mine at 10 yrs, I was a terrible student in elementary school, I was always late in my senior year, I was almost gang raped 3 years ago, all of those things mold into one reality, even if they happened at different points of my life)
So what kind of answers am I looking for? I guess how to be "normal," becuase "normal" people don't know how to respond to an anomole like me. I have hard times identifying with groups I'm part of becuase of the anomoles.
While I'm going through a lot, I am safe. I'm seeing a regular therapist. I don't have a psychatrist in my little old town .(that takes my insurance that is) I have people I can talk to. (sorta) I have no intentional feelings of harming myself. I'm okay....I'm just going through a lot. Thats why I'm here.
I'm not mad at my professor for bringing on such trauma. Its not her fault that this happened to me. I'm sure she wasn't expecting to get such a depressing essay, since America has this rose colored glasses about abuse and mental illness. I still love psychology and this turn of events was just...unplanned.
The psychologist I was seeing between 2013 to 2016 was the one responsable for my trauma. As she told me to repress it, rather than deal with it. This new one I started seeing last year is greatful my professor assigned this paper. Not becuase she is a sadist, but she wants to help me look past those traumas.
That is my story. Its a pleasure to be here.
Sorry for my bad grammar and spelling. Its late, i should be in bed.
