General Just Need To Vent A Little

[Sighs]

First post so hope I don't mess up on etiquette...

So... my father is a war vet with PTSD so I was born into a PTSD household. I left home at 17 to get away from the drinking and fighting. After a number of failed relationships over 20 years or so, about 12 months ago I met the love of my life. Freud would not be surprised to know that he is a war vet with severe PTSD...

We have this lovely sweet little life together. He doesn't drink at all and he is aware of his triggers and the need to self soothe. He does not like to take medication, but instead eats well and exercises as much as possible. A lot of the time things are just so good.

What I really struggle with are the episodes of self-loathing and withdrawal. I'm terrified that he will commit suicide. I'm terrified that he will just walk out and leave me. My fears have gotten worse since we bought a house together as I will be financially as well as emotionally wrecked if he does.

I'm trying really hard to take each day as it comes, to cherish the good times and accept that he can't help it when he pulls away. I know he loves me but I guess every time it happens I go through the terror that this time it will be all too much for him and he won't come back.

My head knows that I just have to be patient and wait it out but my heart aches when he won't kiss me goodbye or say he loves me. He is aware of it after the fact and is apologetic, but at the time if I try to call him on it he pretends he has no idea what I'm talking about.

Just needed to get it off my chest... thanks for listening.

 

[atthree]

Been married 26 years and have had PTSD all but 3 years. I do the same thing, thank you for the perspective.

I'd rather think it out than say something I'd regret later

 

[ghotiff]

He is aware of it after the fact and is apologetic, but at the time if I try to call him on it he pretends he has no idea what I'm talking about.

I'm a sufferer, so I don't know what its like from your side....but....here is my attempt.

Do you know how long these events typically go for. For example, if it basically always less than 2 days. Can you (when it starts) put an entry in your phone, and have something to read to put your mind back on track while you wait 2 days.

I was thinking, maybe you could write yourself one of his apologies that he says after the fact that makes you feel better. Maybe you reading this will remind you that if you can just be patient you know that he apologises and he cares.

 

[Sighs]

Thank you sufferers for giving me some insight. Ghotiff - funny you should say that - I have a print out of all our text messages - pages and pages of them and today while he was completely withdrawn I was reading through them. So many loving caring messages from him. (I skip over the ones that were sent during an episode!)

Interesting that you mention 2 days - so far I think the longest he has been like this is about 3 days at a time.

Just to keep you updated - he called at lunch time - didn't apologise in so many words but thanked me for caring and helping so fingers crossed when I get home tonight he is there - both physically and emotionally!

 

[ghotiff]

Its an amazing and loving thing that you can give him space when he needs it.

 

[Sighs]

Sorry to impose on sufferers but I was hoping for a little more insight. Why is it that minor things seem to trigger the withdrawals but major things don't? For example, this most recent withdrawal seemed to be triggered by having to wait 5 mins for a shower but the day after he came out of the episode his new horse worth thousands of dollars pulled up lame and that did not trigger another episode. Or is it the case that the episodes are triggered by internal issues not external events?

(For those of you concerned about the horse - we found a sharp flintstone embedded in the sole of his hoof. Removed it, poulticed him, bandaged and being treated with antibiotics and anti-imflammatories and should make a complete recovery.)

 

[Sighs]

Just wanted to share something I found on the Internet which I found very comforting!

"If your veteran is there with you and trying to make your relationship work, he loves you more than words will ever be able to express. Let that action speak when your hero cannot."