Let's Talk About Our Trust Issues

[Seeking_Nirvana]

This is in response to Grama Hercs post about telling our T's everything. At some point down the road when I get to know mine better I would love to be able to tell him everything.

He almost put me in the hospital just because I had suicide in the back of my mind. I told him that this was common and I had no intentions on doing it. He called security and then brought another doctor in to talk to me. I reassured her that I was not suicidal, it was that the thought lingers around me a lot (back then). Just because I want to do something doesn't mean I will do it.

I told her that I came into this office and told him the truth about my feelings, which was not normal for me. This was the first time I came clean about my problems and I almost landed into the hospital. I also stated if this ever happens again he will never hear the truth on this subject again.

Also, trust has never been a part of my life. My father played head games with everyone and I seen the aftermath of his games. Undeniably I picked up that as one of many character flaws he had.

I refuse to disclose personal issues to some one that I don't know well enough. Doctors play head games too. I personally haven't met one, but I know they exist.

So why don't I trust? Because trust is earned and not given out to anyone just because they have credentials. People in power have the tenancy to take advantage of the vulnerable.

I am working on this issue, but even the most level headed individuals don't trust everyone, and why should they, with all of the games and scams.

 

[Lucky Laser]

Wow, that's really lame about your therapist... from everything I have heard, putting someone in a hospital should be a last resort because it has the potential to pretty much destroy the therapist/patient relationship.

I know I have trust issues... I hear things that are said in the ER and the OR behind patients' backs and despite the credentials those doctors are just as jerky as the rest of the population.

I know it relates to things that have happened to me but there are VERY few people I give my 100% trust to... sometimes it just feels like everyone has something big and awful to hide. I hate thinking that I know someone, feeling safe in who I think they are, and then finding something out that shatters my entire view on them. I even have trouble trusting myself sometimes. :p

 

[nic]

I have had all different experiences with doctors and threapists. Even the best ones sometimes say something that can be really hurtful and triggering. For example, I had one who kept saying how she couldn't believe that all this crap had happened to me in the town that I grew up in. (She lives in the same town, and it is rather "safe" and upper-class.) She made me feel like there was something wrong with ME. Another thing that happned, (and this was said, more or less, by a couple of doctors/Ts I went to), was that I was asked if I enjoyed it [the rape] at all. I was also asked why I "let myself" be raped, even though they knew I tried to fight/get away. I think the doc and T were trying to get at why I had stayed in the relationship, but it sure as heck didn't come out that way.

One of the best things a couple of docs and Ts have told me, is that no matter what, they would not put me in a hospital against my will. (One said that she knows that I've already had so much done to me against my will and that this would only increase the PTSD, and that she once had a patient who commited suicide IN the hospital, so she didn't really believe in its effectiveness.) This really helped me open up and say things that I otherwise wouldn't have said. Unfortunatley, not all docs/Ts think alike.

In terms of doctors/health care workers in general, I was in a long-term relationship with a doctor, and we often hung out with his co-workers. They would always talk about their psych. patients in such a derogatory way, and they would even laugh about it. Now, I know that everyone needs to vent about their job, but you all would be sickend by some of the things I heard. They would joke about giving Ativan or Haldol or something, and I would just sit there and be so uncomfortable hearing this. When my bf finally learned that I had PTSD and that I was on some of these medications, he felt really bad about stuff he had said, and he did try to gear conversations away from this kind of talk, at least when I was around.

Anyway, just thought I'd share.

 

[Lucky Laser]

Another thing that happned, (and this was said, more or less, by a couple of doctors/Ts I went to), was that I was asked if I enjoyed it [the rape] at all. I was also asked why I "let myself" be raped, even though they knew I tried to fight/get away. I think the doc and T were trying to get at why I had stayed in the relationship, but it sure as heck didn't come out that way.

Oh man, a therapist I'm seeing asked some probably equally weird questions about whether or not I ENJOYED the thought of certain things and I was thinking "WHAAAAAAT?!?!" Almost made me wonder if the guy had something weird going on himself to ask a client that... but since it was early on I gave him another chance and he turned out okay... I wonder if there is some kind of reason they ask those, what seems like really twisted, questions to people...?

 

[Deleted member 541]

Yes trust is an issue for all of us. I too have had lousy therapist, some were assholes actually. Yes it's hard to find one that you can click with and trust.

Sometimes though you just have to push through it. If your therapist threatens the hospital, tell them how you feel about this. Talk it out. Some therapist feel the need to cover their ass in case anything happens.

I actually told my therapist that I was going to commit suicide. He took it as a joke or whatever. Told me if I felt the need, to go to the hospital. I did the next day, unconscious, in a coma, by ambulance. He removed himself from my case. Yes I have forgiven him......

You just never know, and neither does the therapist. Talking things out is the only way that you are going to know them, and they to know you and how you are...

 

[JustJane]

I don't think I am capable of trusting. I've tried and tried and every time...

The only difference is the ability of the other person to con me into believing they are different.

 

[sallyb98178]

Mostly lurking here because I just joined and my posts don't really get posted for a while, but maybe it will be good to sort of pretend to talk to people. I chose this thread because I really don't trust anyone 100% anymore. A year ago I was fine - trusted my friends, my boss, some coworkers - then one by one they fell to my periodic suspicions and then work was infested by a very charming and likeable bully. I sort of disappear then and bottle everything up til some little thing triggers an outburst. I am afraid I will lose my job. no clue what to do or if or when this will appear anywhere or what forum I will be in when it does. Patience is not one of my virtues.

 

[dlross]

The person I have the most difficulty trusting is myself most of the time!

 

[hjpalm]

I trust no one. If people help me, I think they are just setting me up to use me. When it becomes inconvenient, they'll drop me. I live with my adopted sister and they are great, but then again, I go out of my way at all times to be agreeable, no problem, etc. It puts a lot of strain on me.

 

[tude]

Huh, let's talk about our trust issues...

I have a better idea. Let me tell you what I have done about it.

I used to compare myself to a castle- heavily defended against everyone I met. I thought that since I could not trust my own family, it wasn't safe to let anyone in. Thanks to some really incredible friends, I learned how untrue and misguided that thinking was. It still takes time for me to take the risk in trusting someone. I look for honesty in others. I look for integrity in others. I look for patterns of behavior in others. Only then do I take the risk in sharing intimate details of myself with them. If I am still uncertain, I take smaller risks- share smaller pieces of myself. I am okay with this. I think it is wise.

As for my therapist, my usual means of assessing someone are not available. It has been difficult to trust the psuedo-safe environment which I know is a part of their training. I know from my own experience in healthcare, beneath the training is a human being. We all know what humans are capable of.

I don't know when, but I made the decision to quit trying to determine whether or not the doc was being genuine. It was wasted mental energy.

Recently, almost a year into this, I realized how the castle metaphor still holds true in my life. Not only was I fearful of focusing on my feelings, but the idea of sharing them with the doc was threatening as well. I knew it wasn't warranted. The doc has never given me a reason not to trust her. Yet, being the skeptic, I didn't have a reason to either.

Identifying my feelings had enough validity to want to try. This meant I also had to find a way to try and be honest with the doc about them. For sometime, I felt stuck between two closed off rooms within my own castle. In one room was how I feel. In the other room was my doc. I didn't know how I could allow someone access to something I didn't even have access to. Well, I have been working on identifying how I feel. As for the wall between my therapist and I... I guess you could say, I tried to see what that wall is made of and why it's there. Feeling threatened by being more emotionally honest and the fearfulfulness of my own feelings were ways in which I still protect myself emotionally. They are a hinderance to my progress. Accountablity is very important to me. I shared this with a friend. I shared this with the doc too. It helps me be accountable. In spite of myself, I have just been doing it and taking those risks. This recovery has taken longer than I ever expected. Getting over this hurdle is just another part of it- just another fear to get over.

 

[Grama-Herc]

Why do we tend to forget that paranoia and trust are 2 very big symptoms of our PTSD.

I am actually surprised at how much we are able to let go of on this forum. We are telling someone we do not know all our junk! Yes Yes, I know---the computer--never seeing each other and all that other stuff. Bottom line

WE ALL HAVE TRUST ISSUES ABOUT EVERYTHING

 

[linasmom]

I saw a therapist once, who upon our first visit, looked at me at the end of our session and said - "it's a miracle you haven't committed suicide yet".

I was appalled, shocked, and felt completely violated. I was full of anger that night and a few days later. Then I sat down and really started to rationalize it in my head. I came to the conclusion that -

1. That was his style. He did not set out to intentionally hurt me.
2. My PTSD causes me to be more sensitive than most.
3. He was not the right therapist for me and it also didn't mean that all therapists were like him. I'm sure he has helped many people, but he just wasn't the right fit for me. That does not make him any more or any less of a therapist, by textbook standards.

Therapists are human beings, too. That is so true!! Which is why it makes no difference to me whether or not my therapist talks about me (as an anonymous patient) outside of the office. Except, here's the catcher - what makes me think that my story is so special compared to his other patients that I would be the person my Therapist talks about? I don't! And if my therapist does, I don't care, because I'll never know! I can't sit around all day worrying about whether or not my therapist is talking about my situation outside of the office. I can't control things that are not in my power!

I pay my therapist to council me, to teach me how to manage my PTSD. In order for my therapist to do his job, I have to tell him everything.
Does it pain me? My goodness, yes. I have a hard time even taking off my jacket in his office. But it has nothing to do with him, it has to do with me. I do not expect my therapist to be the only person in the room trying to "fix" me. I have to make the effort, too. I do not expect my therapist, nor do I think it fair, for him to have to "earn" my trust. It is his job, to be trustworthy and nonjudgmental. If he were to ever violate that trust, then we would have a problem. Do I trust others in this same manner? Hell no. But I've made a forceful effort to do so with my therapist because the pain caused by the symptoms of my PTSD are far worse than me having to pick myself up, once more, if my therapist were to betray my trust. I go in knowing that I've been through worse.

Best,
Rachel