Living alone in an empty house

[AllisonStern]

I feel so paranoid every night. I just moved into a new place and my Landlord is renovating so I don’t have any roommates at the moment.

I get so scared and on alert every night where I have to triple check all the locks to make sure someone isn’t in the house. I constantly feel like someone’s lurking even though it’s crazy. At night I’ll hear noises (because it’s a very old old house) and I start thinking of ridiculous things like being haunted or being kidnapped. I’ve started keeping a knife within reach and am woken up several times a night with worry where I have to scan the house.

How do I settle my anxieties? How do I stop this super paranoia every time I try to sleep?

 

[alt]

Hello. I can really relate. I can't tell you how to settle your fears, but I can let you know how I settled my fears.

First of all - is there any immediate danger to being alone? Example: I was threatened by a psychopath, who claimed to have access to military equipment to see through walls (and guns) so I felt on display inside my house every night. If you have a similar problem, my only advice is to sit down in day time and assess the danger (with an expert if you can) and decide if it is too dangerous to stay in your house for now, or if your house is safe. I ended up leaving my home for a period, and did not sleep there for half a year, as my therapist and the police could not guarantee that it was safe to sleep there, given that the man who bothered me had shown violent behavior before.

If there is no such immediate danger, but you still feel fear, then you have to consider whether or not you get enough sleep this way. If not, can you sleep in daytime? Can you sleep at somebody else's home for a while? When too sleep deprived, it is really hard to find inner calm.

You ask for tricks to calm you down. What I found most useful when I finally returned back to my home, was to keep a weapon by my bed. I guess this could be triggering for some, though for me it gave a feeling of safety. I also locked all doors, including my bedroom door, to make it harder for anyone to get close to my bed without waking me up.

If you are asking for mental tricks to calm down the anxiety, then what I did, to even fall asleep, was to go over the dangers of sleeping in my bed, down to statistics of how often psychopaths actually kill or try to kill people they threaten (according to police approximately 10% risk) and how long time had passed since he had last been seen close to my house. After knowing exactly the risk I was in, I calmed down a lot. I can't say I slept much the first year, but at least I could sleep once in a while.

Self-soothing has been really difficult after PTSD, but being sleep deprived makes it worst, so I would first of all make sure you get enough sleep, in whatever way you can. I understand that you would like to find a way to fall asleep, but that may not be so easy just by using mental tricks, thus why I stress the physical safety aspect so much.

When I finally started feeling safe to sleep after about 1-2 years, I used chamomile teas at night to calm my system, exercise in day time and calming meditation music at night to fall asleep. It took years to be back to normal, and still, 4.5 years after the onset of PTSD, I don't always feel safe at home. Again why I stress the external factors. Get sleep. Then heal the trauma. If not you will not have the energy to deal with the anxiety, in my experience.

I'm really sorry I don't have an easy fix for you. But I really relate to your anxiety, and I am really sorry you have to go through this alone. It's very tough.

 

[AllisonStern]

@lillesnille
Thank you for your reply. I’m not in any immediate danger (that I know of, no threats of violence, etc). I’m currently doing some of the things you mentioned but your ideas are really really good. I hadn’t considered maybe adjusting my sleeping schedule for sleeping during the day.

I appreciate the support. I’m very comforted by your message.

 

[shimmerz]

Is your anxiety real or imagined? In other words, are you in immediate danger or is this a trauma hangover thing? Or is that unclear at this time.

If you are in immediate danger then your body is just doing what it needs to in order to protect itself. It's a pattern that needs to be broken once you are truly safe.

If you aren't in immediate danger then I can tell you what I did. I have to be honest, I was so freaked out in my house that I had to sleep in my car and then I went homeless. I couldn't even walk into a house, or any enclosed space for that matter, for a very long period of time.
1. Setup my own rituals (I hate that word but I can't think of a better descriptor). I bought wall candles. Ones that shone on the walls will brilliance. They mesmerized me with their beauty.
2. Found an interest (mixing aromatherapy recipes). I use this technique to distract me every time I feel a sense of unease coming over me.
3. Make a smoothie. Nothing like a blender grinding to get me back into the here and now.
4. All lights on. Always. Day and night.

Is there something in the house btw that is freaking you out do you think or is it just being in the place?

 

[alt]

@lillesnille
Thank you for your reply. I’m not in any immediate danger (that...

So happy you feel comforted! :) Hug (if you like hugs).

I thought of a few more things that I could mention. These are techniques to calm down when really stressed, and I use them more often to find my balance during a flashback or in a situation where I need to gather myself, but they do help a bit for sleep, too:

- Breathing exercises. Try out a few different ones on youtube, and see if any of them calm you. I also practice a meditative/alchemical breathing technique called Xi breathing. It's hard to find information about online, though, and I couldn't find a good video for you, but you can check out other forms of breathing exercises.
- Drinking a glass of water. Clears my mind and grounds me a bit.
- If everything else fails, I bring out a towel and touch it to ground myself in reality - or I hug it and sleep with it.

These are quite useful tricks for more immediate grounding/soothing.
:-)

 

[roaringrachel]

I know this sounds crazy, but what is most helpful for me is just accepting my fate. I kind of just say to myself, "well, if something is going to happen then there is nothing I can do about it and I guess it's just meant to be." By acknowledging that whatever happens is out of my control, then I somehow feel better. However, that doesn't always work. When things get really bad, I actually go hide in my closet. It's a pretty small closet and the tight quarters make me feel safe and comforted. I throw a bunch of blankets on top of me and feel protected. I also feel better hiding in my closet because I know it would be harder for an intruder to find me.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I had this same feeling a year ago- not safe in a new home-but I also had a situation that was intimidating and threatening.it tore my family apart.

Suggestions that were given to me-to live at home- (there was a real concern for danger)
- buy a 20 gauge shot gun- the are loud and you can hear it cocked a ways away-and use buckshot if you don’t shoot a gun
Get a P.O. Box- not in your town
- keep gun loaded and in arms reach all the time
- get someone in to evaluate doors, locks and home security-rekey all locks
-get a dog that barks loudly-invisible electric fence
-keep a safety kit in car at all times w spare car/ house keys, cash, a charge card, meds, a couple changes of clothes and water and snacks, mints
-buy a home security system that will interface w your phone( and a special lock that interfaces w cell phone) -
- put up motion lights around house
- sleep in the most secure bedroom-
- keep doors and windows shut when Im home
- encrypt all text and Email
- have 2 computers-one for social/Friends and family/and acquaintances and one for medical, business, bills- high secure
- get an apple wifi security
- change passwords monthly to all accounts- write them down somewhere you can find them- keep a set in the car
- change cell phone number once a year, keep location and Bluetooth off at all times on cell phone except when really necessary, have a Magic Jack phone hooked to social computer for Friends you don’t know or trust or crappy relatives
- keep WiFi off as much as possible- use Netflix or other app for entertainment
- personalized license plates?- get plain ones
-tell neighbors to watch your home- when you are gone-bake them cookies - a thanks for watching!
- have friends over-you are less vulnerable w people stopping by- that was hard to do for me-
- work outside on lawn or clean car when neighbors are outside too-
-have distractors- Food- smells- tv-art- journaling-
-put up a no trespassing sign
- make a product like pizza- distracting or crochet or something creative
-have Geek Squad or Cable people come out and secure your system
- upgrade cell phone apps as soon as they come available-
- virus scan computer monthly
- get yahoo email for Friends/acquaintances and a different secure email/ encrypted for trustworthy people

I didn’t get a dog, but I did most of the rest- paranoia fading away for now-I was watched and photographed and Other creepy stuff happened- by family.

Journaling it helped too

Oh- if you don’t want people to know your routine- stop talking- I was the conversation piece of my family- things I said were high interest-they knew my schedule
- it’s not lying to not answer personal information for safety reasons if you just don’t lie- ( e.g disclosing your vacations, appointments, your whereabouts, etc) sidestep questions- agree with others “ you might be right”, hadn’t had time to think about it, I don’t have an answer for that, maybe....say nothing and they’ll begin to stop prying. That’s all- good luck!

 

[TruthSeeker]

I know this sounds crazy, but what is most helpful for me is just accepting my fate. I kind of just say...

I considered hiding in the closet a number of times- but I eventually concluded if they get into the house, through the locked door, it’s my time. The closet wouldn’t stop them. Someday I will die-we all die- but I want to do it with dignity so rather than hiding in the closet all curled up- I can die comfy in my bed in front of my TV or listening to music or on my computer- doing something I enjoy. And if Ibwantvto curl up- I’m toasty comfy under my blanket.

 

[Mach123]

I had my childhood fears till I was really very much an older adult to a certain extent? I remember I lived in the house I grew up in for awhile in my mid twenties and it was just like being little again. It was all I could do to sleep in there alone. I had girls over whenever I could but I never told anyone how scared that house made me. Most of the places I've lived have not bothered me much, going downstairs at night and all that. I don't consider myself afraid of the dark anymore but I was. It really bothered me I still felt like this as an adult? IDK I still get it a little sometimes, coming up the cellar stairs you know I want to run lol.