General Looking For More Options

[Mrs. T]

Hello, I could use some advice, and I think this is the best place to get it.

The thing is, H has been wanting to cut back on meds. He has always hated and avoided meds as much as possible. I appreciate this, however, I don't think now is the right time to be skimpy.

He has recently stopped taking sleeping pills. I have been asking him why he doesn't take them, and only yesterday did he admit that he stopped because he takes enough meds as it is. Well he still doesn't sleep. He had not yet found a sleeping pill that worked for him...

His anti-depressents,he has been taking for some months now and has had 0 difference...aside from increased anxiety. I told him I thought he should try a different one but he refuses.

I know he's tired of things not working for him, but he really hasn't tried different meds (he is on his third kind of sleeping pills, but this one he hasn't really tried...). He has only been on this one anti-depressent.

Also, he quit therapy after not much time with that. That he said he was only doing for me. I was concerned about that fact but he assured me that it was more like I motivated him. I'm also afraid I may have discouraged him in some things I said without realizing it was discouragement. When I talked to his T, I wasn't impressed with a few things. I talked to H about the fact that he may want to try a new T. I'm afraid that was my mistake. Though it was before that convo that he had already decided to 'take a break' from therapy. I'm worried I discouraged him further.

Now, he doesn't even want to talk about therapy. I even found free trauma therapy. But can't seem to find the right time to tell him...

He has been to the naturalpath about his physical problems but in the end, she just didn't know why tests showed nothing and anything she tried did nothing. Now that we know about ptsd, I really think she may be able to help. But due to money and having met her father...he doesn't want to go back. He went to her father for back problems (he's a chiropractor) and her father talked way too much about other patients. He even went to the extent of showing their files to H. H fears the apple doesn't fall far from the tree with the daughter.

Anyways, I can understand H not wanting to take more meds, though I disagree with his decision at the moment. I know he has always had strong feelings against therapy, but I am beginning to think that this thought is his being fearful of bringing up the past.

Any advice or wisdom would be greatly appreciated...

 

[Pale Warrior]

I am not good with advice and can't speak for wisdom :)

However, your OH has certain similarities to mine in his responses, especially re meds. He was happy to take meds for his physical injuries but was dead set against anything for his mind. So we got through it on our own (and still live with the night terrors 12 years on).

What did help was:

Aroma therapy massage, delivered by a graduate professional with input from his GP. This helped with relaxation, sleep disturbance and general mood lift. It wasn't a "permanent" fix, just gave us a weekly break the clouds. This was used in the first year, while he was extremely physically fragile. We still use the oils to this day

Meditation/self hypnosis. This was prescribed by his pain clinic psychologist and he had 4 sessions to learn the techniques with a couple of follow-ups over the following year. Cannot over stress the importance of this, it was a life saver for both of us.

Hydro therapy/swimming. Got him physically tired and helped him focus on his body and breathing. Good for the period when he was using a wheelchair.

Tai Chi. This was another standout success. When he could walk and stand (year 6), he stuck with weekly classes for two years and it helped him re-connect his mind and body in a very specific way. It improved mood, memory, sleep, confidence, reduced some of his hyper vigilance (he felt more physically capable and confident in new situations), and got him into a "safe" social situation where, if he did flip or get panicked, his instructor understood and would make allowances. He met some quirky new people and it helped him to see himself as someone accepted for who he was, post accident.

Regarding therapists, we had two unsuccessful attempts and frankly I had to respect his decisions to terminate. I know from my own experiences that if it's the wrong "connection" it is a waste of time and money. Eventually, he got home visits on our insurance and it was of some help. The therapist was both highly qualified and experieced in the field and had a disability of his own, so there was a connection of sorts.

In our case, the PTSD is complex and tied up in disability and adjustment issues and there isn't a simple answer.

Good luck with your journey! x

 

[Mrs. T]

Wow. That gives me a great starting point. Thank you very much. Some of the things I don't think he'll believe to be of value so I may have to do it myself first, then he may want to try.

You have experience...that's gained wisdom in my opinion :). Thank you so much.

I'll be reading over your post and looking into some of these things. I would prefer these things (if they work for him) over meds and I know he would too. I think he is just feeling emotionally drained right now and tired of things not working!

 

[Pale Warrior]

Oh Mrs T,

I think he is just feeling emotionally drained right now and tired of things not working!

I so, so empathise with this. And with each failed attempt the self fulfilling prophecy of worthlessnes gets harder to counter. Sometimes it has been hard to know if it's depression or just emotional exhaustion.

About a week after the accident, he was still in the ITU but out of the danger zone, and one of his amazing trauma surgeons sat me down for a frank discussion. He said that he and his team could rebuild much of my husband's body but that they could do nothing to heal the man inside and that would be my biggest challenge.

At the time I did not fully understand, how could I? I was just grateful to have him alive. How right he was, and now 12 years later we are still struggling to heal and recover.

The current stressor is employment and the growing knowledge that he is unlikely to have a paid job ever again. What to do with the rest of your life when every hope and expectation has been turned on its head.

Go easy and hold on to each other, softly softly catchy monkey.

 

[Eleanor]

A thought: If he is on multiple meds you might want to talk to a (do an extended consult with) pharmacist/pharmacologist (with the complete list of meds and any other info you know). Regular docs don't actually know much about drugs, and are not up on how they interact and if you get prescriptions in different places or at different times, it might be worth a review...

 

[ProudWife99]

I agree with Eleanor. It is important that his meds are being monitored and adjusted as necessary. Me experience with A is that he had to change meds every couple of months until we found something that worked. There were some side effects of one that while it was allowing him less anxiety, created other issues. We just had to be patient and keep trying!

I think that really is a key factor in finding a way to manage PTSD in your situation. It is frustrating, it is exhausting, it is both mentally and emotionally draining. PTSD has no cure, only damage control and coping skills. They are unique for each individual, there is no universal standard for symptoms, and there is no easy way out of it. The motivation to KEEP going even though things don't work at first has to come from him as he will have to continue to deal with what he perceives as "failures"

Also, don't be too hard on yourself about mentioning your issues with the counselor. We all make mistakes as there is no handbook on how to handle every situation. It may have been the right thing to do, it may not have, but you couldn't have known that from the start anyway. We learn with them no matter how much we try to be 12 steps ahead. I wouldn't know all of A's triggers if I had not done/said/seen some of them with him.

I would continue to be encouraging. It took two years of ups and downs and ins and outs and trying before we found a medicinal cocktail that seemed to do the trick.

 

[Mrs. T]

Thank you all for the advice! Guess I'm currently waiting for H to get his motivation back.

At the moment he's only taking anti-depressents plus T3s and muscle relaxants for pain.

One of the current problems for H is work. Money is a big stress at the moment. He has a job that he loves but pays little. One of his coworkers (the assistant manager)is very frustrating for him. I don't know how many times I have heard about his day and so badly wanted to phone her to give her a piece of my mind. I used to work with her, so i really don't think his perception of the situation is off...from what I know of her. His qualifications are for jobs he can no longer physically do. He has skills for other work but not the paperwork. Its so frustrating. We've talked about other income options, but nothing seems possible at the moment. We currently have two separate businesses that are at a standstill partly due to money.

Arg...sorry, today I'm just frustrated overall. H is out doing one of his side jobs. Didn't tell me he was doing it until after he started. Said he didnt want me to stop him. He pushes himself too much. Now he's 2.5 hrs later then he said it would take...