My recent PTSD diagnosis is from a new Doctor. My old Doctor, whom I still see, has heard me complain of depression, anxiety, Aspergers (which I've also received a diagnosis for), et al. for many years. His response has always been things like, "Are you sure you aren't just Bored?". Several months ago (before my PTSD diagnosis) I asked my Dr. if I should apply for SSD. The first thing out of his mouth was that SSD is for people who can't work - I was unable to respond; if I had he may have had grounds to sue me as it took all my effort to control the raging he triggered in me. So at least according to him, I must be lazy. Of course, that's what everyone thinks of me because I spend 100% of my time attempting to cope. Which leaves 0% for things like self-care, planning, thinking, dealing with people, or anything that remotely resembles work. I live my days in an isolated disconnected fog. The only thing that provides anything resembling relief is Marijuana (which I use only quite sparingly because of the cost). I just cannot see a way through this. I need to try to sell my home to get some additional cash for living. I know it's a bad Idea but my home will be foreclosed upon anyway and I'll loose about $170k in Equity. But of course that would only be a Band-Aid. When that cash is gone I'll be in the same situation. Anyway while I know I need to do it (along with a million other things), I cannot work towards any goal because I can't move myself to action, because I can't deal with anything. I have considered checking myself into the hospital but I really don't know how I will pay for that.
