Other Maybe Ptsd But I'm Scared To Get Help?

[idkman]

I don't mean to offend anyone here at all with this thread. The thing is that I KNOW that there's something wrong with me deeper than just anxiety or depression, and it stems from traumatic events. I don't want to self diagnose, but PTSD really seems like the proper name for what I'm experiencing.

The problem is that I'm afraid to talk to my psychiatrist, get a new one, or anything like that to get help for it. I'm scared they won't believe me because most people don't understand. I've been sent to psych wards 5 times. Everyone talks about how amazing it is to call 911 or whatever to get "help" for feeling suicidal, but they don't mention the abuse that it comes with. Very few people understand and the ones who do won't talk about it. Everyone makes psych wards out to be lovely little places where all of your problems are fixed, not the cause for all of your problems. I highly doubt any psychiatrist/therapist would understand, and I'm scared they might feel offended and get mad at me. The only two times I've ever even acted like it might be traumatic for me was with my first therapist. I told her that there was no way I was ever going back and I would rather die. She locked me in her office for idk how long and wouldn't let me leave to go to the bathroom or eat (it was right before I was about to go to lunch) and said I had to sign a paper that said I agreed to go back if I didn't come back to her every week. I'm scared for it to be used against me like that again. The other time I said it was traumatic for me and the (different) therapist said, "well, no it's not nice but get over it because it happened because of your actions." (This was after my dad took me to keep me from telling CPS about him beating me, not anything to do with my mental health...)

Every time I try to google "psych ward trauma" or "PTSD after admittance to psych ward" it's just a bunch of crap about how amazing it is to get dragged away from your home and locked up like an animal. I feel like I might be the only one who is as terrified as I am of going back or anything that reminds me of any of my stays.

 

[anthony]

Can you say what was traumatic for you in the psych ward itself?

 

[idkman]

Can you say what was traumatic for you in the psych ward itself?

Being trapped. Being abandoned by my family. Being constantly insulted by everyone, staff and other patients. My disordered eating flaring up from the stress. Seeing a boy with severe autism be screamed at and hit by staff for spilling juice. Being chased by a girl with homicidal urges and being fussed at when I yelled for help for disturbing the nurses. When I showed bruises from my dad hitting me to a nurse (I didn't want them to think I had hurt myself) she yelled at me for trying to get my dad in trouble and said I had to stay longer for self harm. Everything about the entire situation is awful.

 

[anthony]

Whilst it sounds a little harsh, none of what you stated above about being within the psych ward describes PTSD applicability.

Both posts though keep coming back to beatings from your father... and that is most likely the actual trauma that is causing the issues, along with the problem of understanding why your parental carer is traumatising you. That meets PTSD criterion A for possible diagnosis... though that is where you have to focus your discussion with treating physicians and not minor traumatic occurrences you see or experienced within a psych ward.

You're saying psych ward, but both posts mention beatings from father. That is your focus point.

 

[idkman]

Whilst it sounds a little harsh, none of what you stated above about being within the psych ward describes PTSD applicability.

Both posts though keep coming back to beatings from your father... and that is most likely the actual trauma that is causing the issues, along with the problem of understanding why your parental carer is traumatising you. That meets PTSD criterion A for possible diagnosis... though that is where you have to focus your discussion with treating physicians and not minor traumatic occurrences you see or experienced within a psych ward.

You're saying psych ward, but both posts mention beatings from father. That is your focus point.

So, because I didn't suffer the "right" kind of trauma my panic attacks, nightmares, and fear don't mean anything? My dad's abuse really hurt me, yeah, but I wouldn't consider it traumatizing. When I have nightmares, it's not about that. I don't get panic attacks when I see things that remind me of that, I do when I see things that remind me of the hospital.

 

[anthony]

If you're talking PTSD, specifically, then you need a qualifying trauma. What you endured in the psych ward by description, does not meet that criterion. You can have nightmares, panic attacks, anxiety and depression, and more, and not have PTSD. You can have them all due to PTSD. If your psychiatrist doesn't believe you have PTSD, then chances are you don't have PTSD. Yes... they do get it wrong, and misdiagnosis does happen, no doubt about it, but if by admission your fathers beatings isn't enough to be warranted as abuse to you, then chances are you don't have PTSD if what you experience is from psych ward incarceration alone.

To my knowledge people are not just admitted to psych wards, and that level of action is usually due to something more severe, something underlying. What have you been diagnosed with, exactly, and what was their reasoning if you know?

 

[Caterpillar]

I was completely re-traumatized by things I saw in a psych hospital too (I'd already been diagnosed with PTSD from other things), so I understand where you're coming from. I share your fear of dealing with psychiatric professionals too. In my state, we can get psych meds from family doctors, so that's what I do, and otherwise just cope with my issues on my own. My trust has been too shattered to work with psychiatric professionals again.

 

[DPA]

I understand how you feel , i was once put in a phsyc ward for drug detox, and yes it was horrifying and a source of more trauma. I have also been in a PTSD ward and can tell you , they are completely different , and although i had some issues with the staff , it was a safe environment and nothing like a "physc ward". I have found with drs that you must "click" , otherwise its a waste of time and actually will make you worse. Just because their a doctor , does not mean they may be a good doctor for you.

 

[jcat]

I would fully agree with "shopping around" for a psychiatrist. You must feel comfortable and trust that person. Insist on getting blood work done. There may be a chemical imbalance causing symptoms and traumatic events blowing them up.

I'm going to go out on a limb here. I don't feel Anthony is saying you haven't been traumatized enough to have PTSD. I do see his point about things coming back to your father's abuse. Being trapped and helpless is being trapped and helpless. What causes someone to have nightmares and what those nightmares are about can be 2 different things.

He makes a good point for your not having PTSD. Please understand that it doesn't mean something's not going on. I don't think there is a person on this site that would belittle you pain or say you're making a big deal of nothing. There's certainly something going on. You could have any one of a number of disorders. A lot have overlapping symptoms. Some can only be treated successfully with therapy and meds.
You've had some pretty bad experiences with therapy and that certainly makes things more difficult. You're just going to have stay strong and fire a doctor or 2 but I'm sure you can find the right doctor for you. A doctor not a therapist. From what you're describing it's probably be best fit you to under the care of someone with a PhD that can look for an actual medical reason that might help you.

 

[Kelly66112]

Can you say what was traumatic for you in the psych ward itself?

It's a living hell. I'm sitting here almost a year later, & not a day has gone by that I haven't been affected by it.

 

[anthony]

Sorry to hear that. Why are you in a psych ward a year later?