Maybe There Just Isn't A Medication For Me?

[Moonwolf 89]

So far the psychiatrist has tried Zoloft, Prazosin, Trazodone, and now we're on Ativan out of desperation. I had been on Prozac and paxil at different times as a kid with awful side effects so those were already out of the picture.

Now I'm thoroughly convinced that SSRIs are not the way to go. The all day fatigue and complete lack of motivation combined with the havoc zoloft brought on my migraines confirmed that one.

Prazosin only lasted a week, causing rapid heart beat and a surge of migraines.

Trazodone gave me sleep but it was completely excessive, I could not get out of bed without ten hours of sleep. Then I spent the rest of the day in a fog, making it nearly impossible to do anything. Add that to the increased vividness in nightmares and I parted ways with trazodone after a month.

Now I've been prescribed 0.5mg of ativan to be taken on an as needed basis up to once a day. I have given it a try during panic attacks and though it may bring me down from that one panic attack, the anxiety just comes surging back with a vengeance a short time later. In summary just leaving me back where I started.

My psychiatrist is trying to sway me over to amitryptiline (sp?) but I have two concerns about that. For one, I had anorexia as a teenager and it took years to become comfortable at a healthy weight. The weight gain side effect isn't really something I want to risk with my PTSD symptoms raging like they are. The last thing I want is to deal with both issues at once. Two, every antidepressant I have been on has given me that numb zombie feeling. I already have enough problems with emotional numbing as things stand.

So here I am waking up on average ten times a night with daily nightmares, constant anxiety, panic attacks, intrusive memories, hypervigilance and no real solution. My therapist doesn't even want to touch my trauma until everything else is more controlled but it's clear that my psychiatrist is running out of ideas. Anyone have similar issues?

I'm just so frustrated right now, my symptoms have me at the point where I don't think I could hold a job without getting fired and I'm about to graduate from college in ten days.

Beyond that, I feel like I can't live this way forever, I'm so burnt out and exhausted. I already had my childhood taken away from me and I just want to scream because it seems like the hope of a normal life after leaving my abusive parents is going to be ruined also.

I'm at a loss right now so any advice or support would be so appreciated.

 

[maddog]

Hi Just Kat. Your story resonated deeply with me, including your fruitless medication merry-go-round and your fears for the future, combined with grief for the past.

I'm afraid I don't have much other than empathy to offer you. I too tried many, many different medications over a period of time - antidepressants, antianxiety meds, antipsychotics, general sleepers... and many of the symptoms such as the zombey status, increased vividness of nightmares, little to no relief from panic and anxiety, were all reflected in the cocktails I have tried at different times. There are countless alternatives of course, limited really only by your ability to continue to tolerate switching and changing and the various symptoms, and your doctor's willingness to persist with such a course of action in an attempt to stumble upon something that may bring genuine symptom relief. Only the two of you can make that call in view of all of the available factors, and the impact on your quality of life of this medication roller coaster, considered in the context of the impact on your life of your existing symptoms and impending trauma therapy, have to be somehow balanced in the discussions.

Wishing I had more to say to you. It's hard, so so hard.

Maddog

 

[Sterre]

HI Just Kat,

If the SSRi's and other medications dont work for you, are there any other options available?
By other options I mean some kind of therpay where you can learn how to cope with your symptoms? Grounding techniques, sleep programm, ect?

I understand your frustration, but I want to give you some hope that it is possible to cope without medication.

I have been on antidepressant and other medication for 16 years, and they did make my symptoms worse instead of better. I have tried many different medications, only to find out that the side effects where contributing to my symptoms.
Now I am free of medication. I take a small amount of Saint Jonhns Worth, and some vitamine supplements like fish oil, and I feel okay.

To my surprise all my symptoms came back after quitting the meds. They came back harder then they originaly were, because I havent learned to deal/cope with them, because of the meds.

Sometimes the notion that we need medication is planted in our heads and we feel helpless without them, or hopeless if it turns out that the dont help much. Medication is not always the answer to the condition we have.
Most of the medications are just a cover up for symptoms, they dont make the symptoms dissapear but they cover them up. ( wich can be neccesarry sometimes to allow yourself a break) Thus by stopping the meds all of the former symptoms come back with a vengeance, togheter with the Withdrawal symptoms.

IMHO medication doesnt solve anything for people who suffer PTSD. And not being on medication or not finding medication that fits you is really not the end of the world.It is possible to cope with PTSD symptoms without swallowing tons of meds.

Hang in there, there is life without meds...really!

 

[Moonwolf 89]

I really appreciate both of your replies. It has been a really rough day so forgive me, but I'll have to reply in more length later.

 

[Whitneys story]

Just Kat, Wow sounds like you have tried it all. Congratulations on upcoming graduation! Which sounds like a lot of extra pressure and fear upheavel. Focus on what you must to get through this super accomplishment. Hopefully some of the issues will settle some. Behemoth Hugs, Whitney

 

[cat]

Hi Kat
Please dont give up on finding meds to help you yet. When i was diagnosed I was completely against taking them as I seen first hand the effect they'd had on my father. However, when my T told me she could no longer help me recover without me at least giving them a try, I went back to my GP & was prescribed Citalopram which is an ssri.

My journey on Cit has not been an easy one but I was encouraged to stick with them & after 3 mths I felt so much better. SSRi's do not suit everyone but you do need to give them time to work, yes they have side effects which are hard to take at first & make you feel like a zombie for a few weeks but actually that gives your body time to take a break, the relief is incredible! I'm on 40mg now & I have no side effects, I call them my life line!

I also take Amytriptyline to help with sleep. At first I took them every night which gave me a much deeper & longer sleep, after about a month my sleep greatly improved, with fewer nightmares (or at least I didn't remember them) they can make you feel a spacey the next day but this only lasts for about 2wks. Now i only take them at when I have a run of poor sleep which is about every 3mths.

For recovery, meds alone don't help. They need to used with support, therapy & relaxation.

I do hope you find something to help you soon. Take care

 

[piratelady]

Hi Just Kat, I really hope that you can find some relief; whether it be from a new medication or learning other techniques to help you cope.

When I was diagnosed with major depression last year, they put me on Celexa (Citalopram). I took it for a couple weeks but didn't like it. Granted, I was biased. I REALLY did not want to take an anti-depressant. I hear a lot of people take that medication (like Cat) and are very happy with it. It may just take some time to find the right medication for you.

Any medication is going to take time to build up in your system and you will not see the benefits overnight. It may be worth your while to look into some alternatives methods to help you relax and cope. Even if it is only to help you until you find the right medication and give it time to work.

 

[Chondra]

Hi Just Kat. I am really sorry you are having such a rough, painful time. I can only imagine how frustrated you must be.:x3:

I while back I came across this web site that you might find helpful:
help4trauma.org

It might be worth a look (even if it is just to view the artwork;) ).

For more specific (less general) info scroll down near the end of this link:
http://www.help4trauma.org/hypervigilance.html

And congratulations on your graduation!