More Conflict Less Personal Power

[KwanYingirl]

Hi all, well I successfully resolved my difficult client issue and saw my therapist today. He was so proud of me and really talking me up. I didn't resolve that conflict. I got held together by the group with all your great advice and confidence in me. Plus one of my clients actually wrote out the script for what I sent the pervert. So yes I am glad he is gone. I am afraid he won't let me have the last word and will somehow punish me. That's my trauma brain speaking.

So the session was not so great because now I have to confront my male realtor about my contract. I can't find my copy and I want to know if I can fire this guy and I can't ask him because he'll punish me by screwing me someway on the sale.

My therapist said to email him and ask for a copy of your contract. Don't explain why, just ask. I got really anxious imagining doing that and I could see my therapist shift in his seat and shake his head.

I told him getting what I want from men is torture for me. I time travel back to being little and hearing the insults the assaults the hurtful words. I have no training in getting what I want from people who have power over me. He said it was ok to use resources to help me learn skills but I should still be proud of myself. I just don't feel proud. I think it's because that perv is not done with me. I mean what sexual predator is going to let their victim have the last word?

My anxiety is off the meter and I need to get a copy of my contract and I'm paralyzed . I wish my therapist would've taken some time to go over the Dear Man strategies with me. I stick up for myself a lot, but fall apart if it's a man with power over me.

 

[Springer80]

I am afraid he won't let me have the last word and will somehow punish me. That's my trauma brain speaking

Personally I don't think the above is trauma brain. It's natural to wonder and worry if the situation is safely closed, anyone would.

But....

I just don't feel proud. I think it's because that perv is not done with me. I mean what sexual predator is going to let their victim have the last word?

I think this is trauma brain.

The fact is you can't read this guys mind. The only thing you can do is carry on like you've kicked his ass, which you did. And deal with it in the same manner but stronger if it comes up again.

As for the contract thing. Write the email. A few versions if you like but as your T said, just ask for a copy of the contract you don't have to justify why. I imagine they are obliged to provide you with a copy on request anyway. Then just sit for a few days with it in your drafts and calm down for a bit. Then when your feeling brave hit send. Afterwards when you start to panic have another session with your T about that! One small thing at a time.

 

[Springer80]

he'll punish me by screwing me someway on the sale.

Just wanted to add are you sure about this. I know in the past because I have tried to overcompensate about my boundary issues I have been very defensive about issues like this and have greatly inflated the possibility of other people screwing me over.

Yes he has a business to run but do you think him mean and corrupt or are you just afraid?

 

[Springer80]

Final idea. Is there an office secretary, someone other than him who you could put a regular administrative request through without bothering him?

 

[KwanYingirl]

Oh huh good idea springer! I am afraid of men that have power on me. I have to gear myself up for days before I can take action. I get physically and mentally sick

 

[KwanYingirl]

Well, this is progress! I requested a copy of my contract with no explanation why and he responded immediately that he'll get me a copy today.

Wow. Two conflicts in two weeks and I didn't overuse my Xanax!!! Who gave me the DEAR MAN strategy? I can't remember but it helped me a lot.

 

[Springer80]

I requested a copy of my contract with no explanation why and he responded immediately that he'll get me a copy today.

Woop woop!!!! Happy dance! :D:D:D:D:D

See, not all people who have power over you are nasty and you don't have to justify your needs either.

Yay!!!! :playful:

 

[KwanYingirl]

RIGHT!!!! Now I have to develop mastery of this skill. Not that I am wishing for conflict, but practice makes perfect.

 

[Springer80]

Now I have to develop mastery of this skill

Yep, but slowly, solidly, in control and on your own terms. Kick ass!!!! (sorry that slipped out! :ninja:)

 

[StellaBlue]

Wow. Two conflicts in two weeks and I didn't overuse my Xanax!!! Who gave me the DEAR MAN strategy? I can't remember but it helped me a lot.

Give me a "D" - D :D ! Give me a "B" - B :D! Give me a "T" - T :D! What does it spell? Skillful use of Wise Mind! :D:D:D

 

[KwanYingirl]

Ah, yes @StellaBlue it works if you work it! Thank you for the reminder.