My coping skill is triggering me

[LoveTea]

I hate that I'm "that person who is always connected to a screen", but I kind of have to be. One of my main coping skills is distracting myself from everything and when other people arn't around, it is really hard unless I'm doing 5 things at once. I almost always have a tv show or videos going in the background when I'm doing anything (I don't think it's a problem addiction wise or anything since I don't stop doing other things to watch tv, and if I'm busy enough, I don't need it).

The problem I keep running into though is that if feels like every show has a trigger at some point and that is becoming a problem. Even sitcoms are trying to be more edgy or realistic or something and I'm out of commission for at least a few hours, sometimes a day or 2, over one scene. A friend suggested i read the synopsis before every episode, but when I already know what will happen, I tend to tune it out and it doesn't help distract me. I don't know, I know it isn't the best coping skill anyway, but it's how I keep from looping into my head so much.

 

[EveHarrington]

Can you switch to DVDs or stream known movies?

 

[LoveTea]

I don't really have a way to play dvd's. I do sometimes watch movies, but they tend to bore me much more easily, which again leads to just spacing out. I think the length makes it harder for me tomfocus enough tomfallow the plot and when I lose the plot I just tune it out and it doesn't help. It sounds weird to me, but sometimes when I almost want to trigger myself, I will go back to these shows, I guess it's kind of an emotional self harm. For the most part as a coping skill, I don't do it intentionally though.

 

[Sideways]

If the coping skill isn't working? It's not a coping skill.

Doing 5 things at once? I can't imagine that helpjng. If thr goal is to distract yourself, find a distraction that calms you. There's infinite ways to distract yourself. And get involved in it. Instead of multiple distractions at once, adding more distractions into the mix to increase the distraction-power, bring the anxiety down by picking one thing, and trying to really engage in it for periods of time (even just a few minutes throughout the day can improve things when you find the right distraction for you).

If the goal is to be less anxious about what's on tv? Plan what you're going to expose yourself to. Am I ready for this show/movie? Is it upsetting me too much? Journal about it, talk to your T about it, and try a different show.

Have you thought about the possible avoidance angle that might be going on here? Tv is a great (super duper great) way to avoid the real stuff. But if the real stuff is there under it all, then yeah, flicking on the box is going to feel yuck because you're trying to avoid dealing with stuff that needs to be dealt with. And pretty much anything on the box can make you feel yuck if it's just plain avoidance.

If the goal is to make your life harder? Keep going, just as you are.

There's so many ways that ptsd makes our life harder that are beyond our immediate control. The tv? With its 'Off' switch? Doesn't need to be one of them.

 

[barefoot]

If it's triggering for you and regularly stressing you out and causing you distress, it doesn't sound like a very effective coping mechanism to me! So, maybe worth trying to find a different coping mechanism/distraction that works for you better and doesn't raise your anxiety.

I have had to call time on a number of tv shows lately because I was getting triggered. It actually took me a while to realise that I was being triggered so I kept going with some for a making myself worse every time! Not good! But when I realised - and it actually took my T gently pointing out that a particular programme was retraumatising me and suggesting that I don't watch it anymore - I didn't return to it. And the relief was immense!

My super-safe go-to viewing options are family movies (especially animations), Modern Family, re-runs of Friends, gentle glossy dramas. Scandal was a big favourite of mine - though did get quite violent in places and involved some storylines that some may have found challenging (abduction etc) So, it worked well for me but it depends on what your triggers are. My therapist suggested Nashville as a gentle, fun show but I haven't got around to that yet.

So, find some shows that feel safe for you. There really are plenty out there.

If you just want the tv on to have background noise/visuals as opposed to you are really watching/engaging with it (I am assuming you don't really get engrossed if you are distracting yourself with other things at the same time?) there are many types of shows you could have on, which are unlikely to be triggering. Quiz shows, music video channels, nature programmes, arts documentaries, food programmes, kids programmes...

But, yeah, agree with @Ragdoll Circus - perhaps it's worth trying to find a non-tv activity that may be more soothing and calming.

 

[LoveTea]

Thanks for the suggestions! It is a bit of an avoidance tactic, but mostly avoiding anxiety and paniking than anything. Before I had background anything, I would try to clean or cook or something, and my brain would very quickly think itself down the PTSD rabbit hole. I know that at some point I do have to deal with this in therapy, right now though I just have to make it through the day.

Any time I mention this to other people, they just tell me I should read. It's not a bad suggestion, but I am so tired all the time that focusing on a book is incredibly difficult. I love to knit, but I still run into the same problem as I do with other household activites. I tried podcasts and ebooks, but I got bored very quickly, I know I probably would like some of them, but it's hard to find something as engaging to me. I don't know, I quickly move on when something doesn't work immediately, but once something works for a bit, then I latch on a bit. I guess I just have to deal with the fact that my main coping skill doesn't really work anymore, and at least can't be my go-to. Luckily many streaming sites keep the family oriented stuff together, maybe I should look through that, or have someone's ok before watching something new.

 

[dulcia]

Can you switch to something more controllable, like a slideshow of pictures with music? I like books on tape (or podcasts for shorter periods of time).

 

[The Albatross]

It is good that you have become aware that distraction is not serving you as a coping skill. It is an opportunity to find and acquire other more generally beneficial ways to deal with life than multitasking and busy making.

@LoveTea said "It is a bit of an avoidance tactic, but mostly avoiding anxiety and paniking than anything." - not a bit of an avoidance. It IS an avoidance tactic and it does not take the place of learning and acquiring newer more beneficial ways to manage.

Agree with Ragdoll. Plus, "If the only thing you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.")

 

[Sideways]

For what it's worth, with a lot of my distraction activities, I have some calm background music on at the same time. It's like a mental cushion, so that when my head starts to wander, I can focus on the music for a while, then bring my mind back to the task I'm tyring to engage in.

I totally get the concentration issues. Often for me that just means doing things for shorter periods of time. Hope you find something that works:)

 

[Deleted member 541]

Coping skills are skills that soothe you, they don't trigger you or make you anxious. They are calming things, like soft music, yoga, walking in nature, burning candles, soaking in a bubble bath. Not watching TV.

 

[8888]

I agree with the others that if it is triggering it should not be used as a coping skill. I find some of the older tv shows from the 1970s for example are less upsetting. Maybe you want to try playing computer games instead, things such as jigsaw puzzles online or something.

 

[KerriJ]

I watch children's shows when this happens. Aurther, Cyberchase, Barbie movies, etc.
Like others have said, if it isn't helping you cope/is triggering, it's no longer a coping skill. Have you tried coloring while listening to calming sounds? I do the same "5 things at once kinda thing" I will play with slime or a stress ball in one hand, color with the other and have music going. Maybe that would help?