Childhood My dad gave me sex stories to read

[somerandomguy]

You're not being stupid at all.

I'm sorry you're going through this,

:hug:

 

[Sweetleaf]

Hey I know how you feel, both on the "disclosure hangover" from telling your T about CSA sorta stuff. I did that last session - I told her, and I get what you mean, I have had some similar feels.

Also in regards to everything, in regards to spiraling out etc. - you're not stupid. When you open up about something really hard to tell people about, it's only natural that you're gonna have some kind of reaction - some kind of "disclosure hangover" - do your best to force yourself to go to appointments. Talk about -other- stuff with your T if you need to. Ask them to not talk about it for a while, if you need to. I think with time you can shake off some of those feelings.

It helped, for me, to tell her about it, not disclose any gory details, or much of any details (I couldn't make myself) - and then spend the rest of the session talking about -other- traumas. I don't know what all sorts of traumas you have, I don't know what you have that's resolved or not, but if you have something else to work on, that has nothing to do with your dad, it might not be a bad idea to shift focus for a bit to help you readjust to knowing your T knows about the stuff with your dad.

Just because your dad is old, does not mean you need to get over anything.

What he did was SO f*cking wrong. So f*cked up - it is so so so so so okay for you to feel all sorts of things about it, it's okay to react, it's okay to feel like you're "spiraling" - but to use a saying, this too shall pass. Do your best to persist with treatment, if you can.

You have literally -zero- responsibility towards your parents, whatsoever - and considering what your father did, you would be 100% absolutely in the right, if you just completely cut contact with him.

I have been no contact with my father for around 10 years or so.

It was one of the best decisions I made in regards to him. Also telling him, right to his face, that I f*cking hate the shit out of him, and hocking a fat loogie and spitting it forcefully on the ground after, in front of his feet. f*cking asshole sack of shit he was.

I actually had nightmares for like, years, that would feature him, and I'd be like "OH F*CK!!!" in the nightmares and run away, try not to be seen, etc. Those have gone away mostly though. Every now and then, on rare occasions, I'll have a nightmare like that. But these days it's pretty rare. I feel very safe now in regards to whether I have to worry about him or not, now that he's a convicted felon. He finally paid the price for being a drunken ass. Went and f*cking got in a wreck, on a highway, rolled his car, broke his neck for the 2nd time (of course, he isn't paralyzed, sadly - can you tell I hate my father by the way?), and injured multiple people. He side swiped someone driving drunk in the middle of the f*cking day. Injured the people in the other car, injured his passenger. Side note: I am actually really pissed that people got injured that weren't him. Makes me hate him so much more.

Anyway, thats a bit of a tangent there.

My main point is - it might be best for you to cut contact with a person like that. You have NO obligation towards him, especially considering he failed you as a parent.

I like to think of it like this: there is this like, unspoken parent-child pact, almost. In my opinion.

If your parents take good care of you as a kid, if they raise you right, if they don't f*cking -abuse- you... basically, if they do their job right, and do it well, and support you as best they can - then you kinda owe it to them to take care of them and be nice to them as they age, take care of them in their last years, if they need it, etc.

But if they don't hold up their end of the bargain? If they fail you, when you're a child, or if they're just shitheads, etc. - you don't owe them ANYTHING.

 

[Muttly]

Thank you everyone. I did read all your comments. And thank goodness my T was able to give me a two-hour session and stick with me when I couldn't seem to communicate and that helped. I'm not sure I'm going to come back to this thread. Not sure I'm ready. Or, need to focus more on self-regulation right now. Something like that.

@Sweetleaf your words have been especially helpful. I am sorry that we share such similar experiences. I have gone no contact with him, but he still occasionally tries to get in touch. I guess that contact still makes me feel like he can just show back up in my life.

Also, my brother used to drunk drive all the freaking time. I always worried he'd badly injure someone else. I mean, he was making a choice but the people who could kill weren't. He got in a bad accident and is permanently disabled. The other car wasn't hurt. I felt relieved about that.

 

[Sweetleaf]

@Muttly - my advice is, change phone number, change email, change social media accounts, and block him on -all- of them.

I don't know much about restraining order requirements since mine was so fresh and so clear cut, I didn't even have to wonder what the requirements were. But you may be able to do something legally to prevent him from contacting you, perhaps? Something like a restraining order with a no-contact clause that'd make him have consequences for contacting you in any way, even through a third party.

I'm not the person to help with that, but maybe someone else here knows more about that stuff?

My protective order has such a no-contact clause to it. No contact, in any way shape or form, even through a middleman.

Also @Muttly, :hug: :hug: :hug:

I'll be monitoring this thread and giving more support as needed. ?

My dad has tried getting contact multiple times - over the years, he's lost track of my email, my phone number has changed many times, etc.

Now and then he'd be sending drunk texts to my mom. My grandma, his mom, will occasionally call and be like, begging my mom to get back together with my dad. Lmfao. My mom -hates- my dad, though I guess not as much as I do for some reason. Probably because he didn't ruin her childhood, I guess.

He still will send emails to my sister now and then, trying to get contact with both of us. She never responds anymore. He's never apologized for anything, or acted like he did anything wrong at all. Her last email was scolding him for being so shitty, etc. all that stuff, years ago.

Many attempts at contact since.

But he doesn't even know my f*cking age.... like, what the f*ck! He thinks I'm in my early 20's, and the age he thinks I am is different each time (my mom has a fake facebook and monitors him). I'm motherf*cking 29. He thinks my sister is in her late 20's. She's in her mid 30's.

Take your time - no need to push yourself. This thread isn't going anywhere.

I find that when something is overwhelming me, it can help to just, try to shove it in the vault for a while (if I can), and focus on something else, until I'm ready to come back.