My husband wants to come to a session.

[Deleted member 37474]

My husband has selective listening. I tried explaining "startle response" to him and why it isn't cool to pound on a locked door when you need something. He looked at me like I'm crazy. I said, "Do you need to come to therapy so that my T can explain ptsd to you?" He said "yes." :bored: And he has questions... like "whose fault is this?" I think he thinks he is the reason that I have ptsd which is the farthest from the truth and I told him it is nobody's fault.

I guess I will be asking my therapist about how this all works. I haven't really liked his response to the parts of my story that I have told him. And with all the shame I still feel, I don't know if I am ready for whatever might come out of this.

Has anyone brought their supporter to therapy? What happened?

 

[deeplyloved]

Wow. I wonder how it would go? It could be really helpful, right? Definitely talk to your t about it and let us know what she says!

 

[Deleted member 541]

Well at least he’s willing to go, many men wouldn’t. It might help @TexCat, so I would roll out the red carpet and bring a bottle of wine too!!!!!!

 

[Stephernovas]

1 - those sessions are YOURS, not his.
2 - it sounds like you already feel uncomfortable, so I would hope your therapist works on alternative way to inform your husband about PTSD (generically speaking)
3 - it is completely up to you, and therefore your job to inform him of what you want to share with him. Therefore, asking your therapist to moderate those questions in session is unfair. The therapist will likely be there as your support, IF you wish to have him in session
4 - He doesn't need to stay for your full session. Get him to list his questions, and perhaps you and your therapist can talk about how to answer his questions with as much detail as you are comfortable with
5 - afterwards you can spend time debriefing with your therapist if things didn't happen to go as you planned

 

[LuckiLee]

I think it would be a good idea especially if he's having trouble understanding the disorder and your symptoms. I think an explanation coming from a physician would be priceless.

No need to discuss your trauma just your diagnosis and how it can/will effect your relationship.

Good luck!

 

[The Albatross]

I had some joint sessions with my spouse, they weren't immediately helpful... but they did help. What actually went on in session was a whole lot different than he'd imagined.

 

[LuckiLee]

@The Albatross, different how?

(hope I don't hijack this thread)

 

[The Albatross]

@leehalf - Well for starters he had no concept of what a therapy session really was... and pretty much thought I'd sit in there and trash and bash everything and everybody or every frustration or disappointment in some cathartic purge. He didn't really realize that there was a structure for the session and a method. My joint sessions, I elected my shrink to do one just with my mister first. But there were issues I'd been wrestling with in therapy that weren't easy for him to hear because I wasn't censoring myself.

He, having no real experiences to draw on, personalized some and there were some tense or uncomfortable moments particularly after sessions... but after the initial emotional reaction on his part... he was more open to the process and could see improvements. He understood better the depth of the difficulties I was having... and became more interested in assisting me during the more stressful or triggering things. Not consistently but it was better.

 

[deeplyloved]

Thank you, Albatross. That’s helpful.

 

[Freida]

Hubby and I have talked about this so the option is out there but he hasn't used it. I've also suggested he read the supporters section here.

I think he doesn't want to go because he hates how hard it is for me and it would make him feel more useless.

 

[EveHarrington]

1 - those sessions are YOURS, not his.
2 - it sounds like you already feel uncomfortable, so I wou...

I pretty much disagree with this whole reply.

My boyfriend has been to session with me.

More later.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

I also think that there is some stuff that needs work in my marriage, in order for us to have a better connection, I want that so badly, but I am not in a place to do that until I can get past all of this trauma crap. Luckily, when the time comes for that, my T is very skilled in marriage counseling. Or maybe when I get my trauma shit together, the connecting will work better naturally, only time will tell. I made the mistake of telling my h my screen name today. I hope he wasn't listening too loudly. He has no clue what I went through and how messed up my thoughts can be. He may not even know what site I am on. I am not ready for any of that openness.