Sexual Assault My Rapist Possibly Got Locked Up For Another Sex Crime!

[RoadtoHappy]

Hi,

I need some help please. I am very uneasy and unsure of what to do.

On Monday a man was locked up for horrendous crimes against a woman when she was 13 and he was also convicted of 2 other crimes against young girls. He is now serving 17 year sentence. I did not read or listen to the news about it and it was only when my Husband informed me today did I learn of it. He was told by my father. The lady who accused him was amazing and very brave, she waived her right to anonymity so he could be named and his picture published. I have yet to look at his picture, however, his description, location, what he did to this woman and the timing of his crimes all match my assailant which was why my dad and husband told me about the case today. I was assaulted and raped 15 years ago, only reporting it to the police 1 year ago. I have not looked at his picture yet because I am so scared to see his face if it is him. I have an amazing therapist and we spoke about it today but only briefly, I just wasn't ready to look at the picture. I am afraid I will look at it and get it wrong. Like I will think its him but I wont be 100% sure. I only sat with him for a few short minutes at night when I was 14 and it was 15 years ago. He kept me there a long time but it was so dark. I remember his eyes clearly but I am so afraid I wont be certain its him or even it may not be him and then I will be disappointed. I have just started to get myself back on track with life and I am afraid this will re-traumatize me or set me back. I also don't think there is much point on going further legal wise f it him as where I live sentences run concurrently which is ridiculous. But maybe I would get piece of mind. I just don't know what to do.

Has anyone had a similar experience or feelings? Have you seeked criminal justice for someone already locked up and if so what was the procedure? did you have to give more details and evidence in a police station?

I know if I don't look at his picture it is just going to boil up inside me, trying to avoid but I know that's not the way but I just cant bring myself right now. I am so scared of my reaction.

 

[blackemerald1]

Hey @RoadtoHappy - I can appreciate your reluctance to look at the photo. I am sure you do not want your life turned upside down by any of what you described but at the same time there may be some sense of peace if you knew. So it's a difficult decision!

Have you considered asking the Detective in charge of your case if you could undergo a properly set up photo board identification?

This is the old equivalent for a police line-up. But now, in most cases, they use computer photo programs that group a whole heap of mug shots in one session and you see if you can pick him out from that.

If you tell the police officer that this offender may be the offender who raped you due to proximity etc., at that time but you have NOT LOOKED. He might think it is well worth doing it.

The main thing this does for you is that you get to try and identify the perpetrator who offended against you properly and if he is placed on the photo board and you pick him out then you will know it was only due to your memory.

Whether or not the statute of limitations or concurrent sentencing applies to your matter - it's still a good thing that you reported it.

I can appreciate you are now feeling like this might upset your recovery. I know it is a difficult decision and whatever you decide it's not a SHOULD or SHOULD NOT situation. It's all about you now and what you can deal with. You have the power.

 

[Abstract]

you

This was exactly my thought. Have a think about it.

It sounds like you wouldn't need to follow on with an attempt to get a conviction and it would potentially just be for you. Also think that there is a difference between re traumatising and being triggered or symptomatic. Often doing things can be a form of processing and processing always makes us more symptomatic initially. You are in a the position where you aren't going to potentially put yourself out there only for him to go free.

Opening stuff is always horrible of course and its a matter of looking at all and seeing what is right for you.

 

[RoadtoHappy]

Thank you so much for your responses. I looked yesterday (put it off for a week) with my husband and I believe it could be him but I really cant be sure. There are a lot of similarities but then his hair has changed and he has facial hair. My heart says yes my head says we don't know. I am going through the emotions. Very confused and emotional last night. Calm today and trying to ficus on other things I nned to do but the thoughts are there. Yes thank you there is a difference between re-traumatized and triggered. I am triggered but not the former thankfully, I am stronger, I have done extensive work in therapy so using my grounding tools and trying to remain calm. Its a very surreal feeling and I don't know what to feel really. I am disassociating slightly and disconnected from my feels I think. T asked me to email and let her know outcome and I could really do with speaking with her but s its the weekend I will wait until Monday.

I am just so unsure and confused.


Many thanks for your responses.