Relationship Need Advice From Sufferers

[Endure]

I don't have PTSD, but I do have issues leftover from my childhood that cause anxiety and I've been in therapy for two years. My experience after every appointment is this....I feel better initially and then by the evening I'm a mess. Therapy brings out all those feelings you have suppressed for years. I sit and cry the entire hour! It feels good to release it initially, but then later you realize your feelings are now on the surface and raw and you have to deal with it. I'm sure with him just starting out with therapy it is really tough. My opinion is you don't need to tell him about this forum. When I told my vet I had been researching support groups he told me he didn't need that because he had his own support system. I told him I wasn't researching for him, but for me! I don't think they like being given advice unless they ask for it.

 

[JM318]

I'm glad you have someone too. What advice has your therapist offered?

I've had 2 appts with her recently and once last year when we initially broke up (but have been back since April this year). She's told me not to take things personally when he is pushing me away. To not reach out to him and that he will when he is ready and knows how to get a hold of me. And that if he doesn't love/care/want me in his life, he wouldn't have me here for so long by his side. That he's vulnerable to me bc I am the closest thing to him and that's why he shuts me out. She said group therapy would help him tremendously as well as one-on-one therapy. We discussed volunteer work and keeping myself busy. She told me it will be a long road but therapy was a big step for him.

 

[JM318]

I don't have PTSD, but I do have issues leftover from my childhood that cause anxiety and I've been in t...

Endure,

Yes kind of like me asking him to reach out once in a while so I know his heart is with me I now realize was pushy (in his eyes) which is why he lashed out. Not to mention he texted me back at night when he probably gets exhausted by the day's end also. I'm really glad I never responded back to him and I don't plan to. I'm sure I'll see him at the funeral this weekend (our friends mother died from cancer) so I will do nothing but smile to say hello and keep my distance and mourn with my friend, pay my respects and leave.

 

[Mytime]

Just know we are all here for you:hug:

 

[JM318]

Just know we are all here for you:hug:

@Mytime thank you :(

 

[NaeNae75]

I know exactly what you're going through....and I'm going through it again.... We've been together 6.5 years....and he does this every 6 months or so. I'm here to talk or listen. It can be hard when no one else understands, or thinks you're being destructive to yourself. They just don't get it. Good luck to you (btw....it is a full moon)

 

[JM318]

I know exactly what you're going through....and I'm going through it again.... We've been together 6.5...

I noticed the full moon, it's a common term used in the medical field. It's an overload of work related insanity, and its overwhelming, just constant problems or difficulties regarding patients... what do you mean by full moon? Kind of the same circumstance? I feel for you, 6.5 years... ours seems to be every 6 months too, but we did have a full year without any major problems. It's just gotten worse as time progressed and I'm glad he's in therapy, is yours in therapy?

 

[JM318]

I wanted to get this tattoo on my right shoulder the last time we went through this (tattoos are stress relieving too). I'm making an appointment now. I want to get "Faith" underneath the arrow :) It's been years so I think I'm about due for a new one

 

[NaeNae75]

I noticed the full moon, it's a common term used in the medical field. It's an overload of work related i...

The reason it's a term in the medical field or any other is because these overload of "weird" or influx of "tough" occurrences has been regularly attributed to the moon being in it's "full" cycle....ie... "must be a full moon" when there is an influx of patients or a lot of births. There are theories that there a people that are sensitive to the full moon cycle... and it literally was a full moon last night, hence the statement. There are a lot of people with mental issues that seem to be affected by the moon's cycles.

He is in therapy, but of course because of overloads, it isn't always regularly. He hasn't been very regular for the last few months, and there have been a lot of changes at home, so subsequently, a lot of added stress (for both of us). We have been in couple's counseling as well, but because of a lot of overtime and "vacations" for the counselor, that has been irregular as well. I guess I could see it coming this time too, but was too stressed, too busy, and triggered myself (I also have PTSD) to effectively cut it off at the pass this time. It can be absolutely exhausting.

Normally, I'm fine with him taking his space, but this time it is much more complicated. His son moved in with us in June because he was granted full custody because of abuse and neglect from his mother. He's already having a very difficult time adjusting and being needy and having abandonment issues. I'm afraid that if my S/O isn't able to pull it together before he comes home from reserves on Sunday, that him "moving out" is going to put an even tougher strain on his 9 year old. This is what is bothering me the most. I'm damned if I do....and I'm damned if I don't. He can't see that he's not just hurting me or himself....everyone is going to be hurt by this when he comes home.

I just wish that we could find some sort of peace.

 

[JM318]

The reason it's a term in the medical field or any other is because these overload of "weird" or influ...

Interesting, never knew the complete story behind "Full Moon", now I know. :)

I'm sorry you're going through this, I feel for you. :( I will keep you in my prayers, that is really hard especially with a child involved too. When did he start therapy? And how/when is couples counseling involved? I know that when we were mentioning therapy for my veteran there was a point in May this year where he had a temper with me and told me he couldn't handle "petty relationship bullshit" and I put my foot down about therapy and the next day he kissed my butt and told me not to worry and that he loved me. When we had a talk in person, I offered to go to therapy with him or even sit in the parking lot until the session was done- anything he needed at all, I would support. My thoughts yesterday were... does therapy help them to be able to give and receive love and have a stable relationship? I don't even remember if anyone even answered me because my brain feels like mush today, I didn't sleep well and I had nightmares.

Anyways, I hope your family finds peace too, I'd give anything for that. </3

 

[NaeNae75]

Interesting, never knew the complete story behind "Full Moon", now I know. :)

I'm sorry you're going th...

Thank you! That is very sweet of you! He was in "normal" therapy on and off the entire time. He started therapy for PTSD starting in April or so of last year (2015). At that time, he still wasn't home from his deployment. He was kept on base in North Carolina and started cbt as well as biofeedback. It wan't until he started the biofeedback that he really started seeing some improvement. That started in the end of July last year. Well, they finally sent him home last year in October. He did not start therapy right away and they didn't set him back up with a biofeedback person either. Since then everything has been slowly eroding.
We started couples therapy with the same counselor I've been seeing for years now. His son also sees her since January. So, I have never met his PTSD therapist, unfortunately.
I did just find a veterans advocate group near us that I met with yesterday. I hope to get him to go there with me a few times, because I think it could be very beneficial for him. They have a lot to offer. It is not run by the VA, but instead is a privately run charity group. I was really impressed with what they have to offer. I hope that he comes around quickly this time, because I think the sooner he is involved with them, the better, quite frankly.
Some of the times he "leaves" doesn't last very long, in fact, he has been home the same night. This time feels like it's going to be a doozy! It sounds like the one you are going through right now is too. Boy, it can be rough.
I'll pray for you too, if you accept it. I found an excellent article I hope to share with him when he's ready too....to help him see my side... I'll share it with you: Dead Link Removed

I can't wait to read her other articles. I think you'll find this helpful.

 

[JM318]

Thank you! That is very sweet of you! He was in "normal" therapy on and off the entire time. He starte...

I just started crying for some reason, I am feeling defeated today. I am thankful that most days I am feeling pretty optimistic, but today I cant help but to shake the feeling that he's just going to give me up because it's easier. If I'm just meant to be in his life temporarily, to get him to start therapy and that's all God's intentions were, I will have to accept that, but I don't want to. He told me "I know you see the better side of me, and nothing you do go unnoticed". I do see the better side of him, and I want to be able to look back and think "Wow, we've been through some tough times in the beginning, but it set a solid foundation for our lives".... how often does that even happen? I just want him to see progression, and I want him to be able to receive and give love, he was able to in the beginning of our relationship, and he never wanted to spend time apart from me. It's funny how fast time goes by and how things change and how we got here. He's barely been in therapy for a month, so I know it'll be a while before anything changes. I keep finding feathers at work today when I go outside.

The times he "leaves" last longer, most likely because we don't live together, so when he does need space, its complete space. There was a time in the beginning when we did live together and he needed space and he came back in 3 days. He pretty much showed up at at my work and exhaled "I miss you so much" and I was so relieved. This full moon thing needs to stop messing with my emotions today. I will read the article, hang in there and I will do the same. Good luck with the veterans advocate group, let me know how it goes.