Need Help With Boundries.

[DharmaGirl]

So my T is out sick, and I am used to bouncing things off him. I've seen him twice in Nov, and will not see him til Dec 4. Anyway, I am starting a skills building group with a friend. We will practice Yoga, laughter, art, meditation, and anything else that we find. Sounds good so far. It was for people with PTSD, anxiety and depression. The idea was to add doing to the talking.

I allowed two others to convince me to not mention PTSD and depression, because they didn't want "those people there". WTH? I am really discouraged at myself for allowing that to happen. It was always going to be a PTSD, depression and anxiety group. We were also going to work on pages from workbooks, etc. Why did I not stand up for myself? I offered the two others the group - one of them had no business sticking her nose in, but they declined. I don't even want to do it, since it is not what I wanted.

On the other hand, I do see a need to practice these skills. It isn't exactly what I wanted, and I am insulted that they don't want PTSD and depressed people there. They have PTSD and depression. I was thinking maybe I could slowly change the group to what I want. Do I need to make a stand now? I kind of think I do.

The other thing is that my partner in this is inviting people from a chronic pain group that I was trying to distance myself from. I just want to walk away since I am feeling that I'm not being heard and I'm not starting a new group. Sorry for the rant.

 

[Zef]

If I can, let me ask a few questions.

Are you in a place where it would be healthy for you to deal with what could result in a situation that contains mild conflict?

Are you in a place where you could sit with yourself and try to visualize ways the discussion could go, including ways where your views are successfully respected, without overwhelming yourself?

In my personal experience, what I imagine in my head is usually much worse than what happens in reality when setting boundaries. My non-trained advice would be to consider if the discussion would have a large negative impact on your health. . .if not, then having the discussion might have a positive result. . .so go for it.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Hmm, then maybe I should wait until my T is back. I am afraid I'll be bullied too much. Good advice, TY

 

[Britt.f7]

Monster, Zef does have some good advice. Not much to add to that. Except, this was suppose to be your project, with a friend. Maybe you can find out from your partner, in a non threatening, non accusing way, why she no longer wants to have the group you discussed and why she is inviting people from a different type of group if they are not ptsd/depression sufferers? (how's that for a run on sentence?)

Maybe there are fears of her own that are popping up at the thought of this. You know how triggers can be. I probably wouldn't talk this over with anyone else around but the person you planned this with. Maybe she thinks, and the other two, that your group won't have any people if you only focus on ptsd/depression sufferers. Or that it wouldn't be positive. People's heads can fill with a lot of doubts over new adventures and make them seem risky.

I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt. I really think this has less to do with your plans and more to do with them. A reflection on them not you. If they choose not to go ahead with what you originally decided than you might want to step out and form your own group. Your wishes are important.

Is this making any sense? I'm sorry, but my brain is getting tired, so I really hope I'm making sense.

I hope you do go through with the type of group you planned on. I think it is a very sound idea. I think it is healthy. I would go if I lived closer...that is, once I got out of my house. Good luck with your venture! It sounds exciting. Keep us updated!

 

[Spiderallis]

The group sounds like a brilliant idea, but those are some big obstacles. I hope your T can help figure out how to guide the situation back to the beautiful idea it began with. I'm with Britt.f7, if I were nearby I'd be quite interested in joining up with a group like that.

 

[DharmaGirl]

You make a good point, Britt, it may not be about me at all. I think I will start a new group while keeping the other group just skills practice. I liked doing yoga and meditation, but I want a PTSD group, since we don't have one around here and I would love to go to a peer led group. Oh, and I would be more than willing to pick people up, lol. I enjoy driving!

 

[Britt.f7]

Oh, and I would be more than willing to pick people up, lol. I enjoy driving!

It's going to be quite a drive! ;):laugh:

 

[KP the nut]

IMHO, everyone wants and is expecting something different from the group. It can be a mental health group - PTSD, anxiety and depression. But for me chronic pain is for another forum, unless the first 3 are a symptom of chronic pain.

I think clear guide lines and ground rules are needed. A little like this forum, it has been said that rules are strict, but in a forum or in your case support group it needs to be as black and white as possible with few grey areas.

If you are up to it, I think it would be really good for you. BUT, like being a mod on this forum, the main rule is you first.

It has taken me a while to catch up and you are seeing your T tomorrow so talk to him.

Whatever you do though - remember you first:hug: