Nepotism In The Workplace...feeling Like I Don't Belong

[Enaila]

I worked in a small school (8 staff members)and was loving it, but then our school started growing significantly requiring us to move to a larger building. Moving and growing in student number, the school ended up needing to hire more staff....a good problem normally, except the administrator hired people he knew well....his family and the family's best friend as well as HER family. Our staff has grown to 24, but all but two of us have someone related working there. The boss has his wife and two sons teaching as well as his wife's best friend and her two adult children. He even hired his son's best friend.

I understand it is hard to find teachers, but it really bothers me having so many related staff and family friends. Four of those related to or friends to the family are NOT good teachers and this is where I am frustrated on what to do as I can't report it to administration and if I try to help any of them their mothers ask me why. The family and friends are also offered the extra pay positions even though I have seniority and am more qualified for the positions.

I am contracted for the school year, so leaving isn't an option right now. I have never had a poor review, have helped the school turn around by addressing legal issues in the special education department, and am working with the toughest of our school population.

I can't figure out what I am feeling nor identify the feeling. Can anyone help me come up with the words? Part of me thinks I should be angry, but I don't see what good it would do.

 

[Lonely3rdStreet]

I worked in a small school (8 staff members)and was loving it, but then our school started growing signi...

This happens way too much and it sucks. If you can hang in there and find something else, that's probably a good course of action. But if you start stressing too much and it starts triggering your symptoms, get out of there fast!

Take care of you!

PS:

Betrayed? Taken advantage of? Lied to? Unfair?

 

[aut555]

No matter what you do, you are outnumbered. Sadly, the economics of where we live now is resulting in less jobs causing a less then ideal workplace environment. How about you focus on what's next? Are you staying, can you tolerate this? Have you checked availability of anything else in the surrounding areas? Do you have plan b? It's totally unfair, what do you want to do about it? Could there be something better for you elsewhere?

 

[Justmehere]

I can't figure out what I am feeling nor identify the feeling. Can anyone help me come up with the words? Part of me thinks I should be angry, but I don't see what good it would do.

Devalued? Excluded? Creeped out?

This is a little different of a situation, but maybe it relates:

Whenever I am in a group of people and "group-think" kicks in, or everyone is trying to be together in cause, like a rally for a political cause, I feel uneasy and usually left out.

Many states in the US have laws against nepotism. What you have experienced is considered to be a form of discrimination. They didn't pick you for promotion based on your lack of being married or related - instead of making the decision on skills and etc.

It's also not unusual in small business settings because there isn't any broad federal prohibition against nepotism. However, in a public school, there are generally strong protections against it, and more options to remedy it. You could check with an attorney and possibly file a grievance with the state level EEOC if you wanted to do something about it...

It is a tough situation for sure. :(

 

[Enaila]

Devalued? Excluded? Creeped out?

Definitely excluded, but then I get to thinking, "Do I really want to be included as I don't want to be just like them?" and then I'm back to confused. I don't get the positions the others do; however, the boss says he values me working there. Staff meetings are a joke as the family and friends have already discussed things outside of work and just assume the rest of us agree.

I was told by the boss's wife that she couldn't work at the school because she was related, but then the next year she was hired and they said something about being able to hire family if unable to fill positions. I'm at a public charter, so I don't know if maybe the law is different.

It also happens that the reason I left my previous school was because I was having to endure rude comments from a staff member. She became the boss's wife's best friend after I left. Guess who is now at the school I am working at? Along with two of her adult children! UGGGGGHHH!

 

[Enaila]

@Lonely3rdStreet YES! Those are some of the words I was looking for!

@aut555 I started looking last year for another job, but everything I found would be a big pay cut and I am already struggling financially. I didn't realize until too late about all the new family members coming in.

 

[aut555]

If you are staying, then document, document, document. Just in case you end up unhappy with the upper echelon of management decisions. You could quietly contact a an attorney that would give you the low down on winning any type of discrimination case. Those are tough, l was in one, and my ex MD husband had a chance to prevail in such a case. But the outcome isn't always worthwhile.

 

[Enaila]

You are right about the documenting. With all the documenting I do already for others one would think I would document my own concerns. I like the boss, I just do not care for the discrimination and that is indeed what is happening.

 

[Friday]

It's a damn shame.

I agree, anger seems fairly pointless (except as a motivating force to keep you from stagnating, and accepting unjust treatment, instead of looking for a new school); but it's so disappointing when something that had the potential to be really exceptional is routed by abject stupidity.

Something I've always told my son "The world isn't fair, so we do our best to make our little piece of it as just as possible." What they're doing isn't fair, isn't smart, and isn't even in their own best interest, much less the students or other staff. Your piece of the world just got smaller, against all expectations, since the school was in fact growing, so an even sharper blow. Sounds like it's no longer part of your little piece of the world, it's just a place where you work.

I'd be grieving the loss of this school... And what it could have been, but isn't.

But also -hopefully- looking forward to new horizons, as well as mitigating what I can in the day to day. Whether that's being extra-fair in my little area of influence, or working to compartmentalize "It's a job. It's not my life. I just work here." and leaving work at work, and home at home. Intend to be pretty bad at that, though. Anywhere I am I get pretty territorial about. Mine. This is mine. All y'all might f*ck up the rest of this for everyone else, but here in my classroom? We do it this way.

 

[joeylittle]

@Enaila - does the school have a board of directors? Are they relatives also? Or, is there a parent's association?

 

[Enaila]

@Friday You described it perfectly. I am trying hard to do those things, but on my pity party days, like yesterday, the feelings have been overwhelming and all scrambled. I think having these posts will help me explain to my T next appointment what I am feeling and maybe even help me find the right words, if I find someone in the workplace, to help see what is going on.

@joeylittle supposedly the school board meetings are made public, but for some reason I haven't been able to find out about them until after they happen. It is a small school board. There is the director of charter schools I may be able to ask questions from. We also have a company from a grant we just received, who is working on assisting us internally, with team building. (Last year was awful as we had two very prejudiced teachers who were poison to students and staff....they are gone now thank goodness. One was let go during year and other at end of year.)

 

[Enaila]

I'm ready for moving on to something new, but am so afraid to do so as I have so many bills and two adult children (19 and 23), who are struggling to find affordable housing. I feel stuck. During my pity party I was also thinking how hard I have worked for everyone else and how, being a single mom, I'd like something good to happen in my life (besides having my two boys), just once. Someone to care and want to spend time with me doing things which doesn't involve work. I'm tired of doing all on my own. (I must have been starting to get upset just now as a bundle of white fur growled at me and jumped into my space licking my face. Lol. Party over.)

I'm glad I have this community to bounce ideas off of instead of just stuff in the past like I used to and create more depression and difficulty with dealing.