Sexual Assault Never Really Talked About This Before...

[ec20]

My second year of college I was dating this guy that I thought was really amazing. One night we went tot a dorm party and got pretty drunk then walked back down to his apartment were we spent the night and had sex, like most other college couples. But, what I found out the next day changed my life forever. I found out that my boyfriend had set it up for people to watch us through a very small hole in the blinds. Once my roommates told me that there was a video of me having sex going around campus, I went to the police. At the station I was able to watch the security cameras in the apartment complex and I saw at least 50 "men" watching me, running around banging on doors to get others to come out and watch me, and videotape me. I saw girls figuring out what was happening and just walking away. I saw no one help me. Even with the video evidence, nothing was done, nobody was arrested. As the time passed, I was able yo remember more of that night and I began to remember how different the sex was, like he was showing off. The day after I was covered in bruises because he was being really rough, now I know to look what I would think he thought was "cool" in front of his friends. After all this happened, he continued to hang out with these people and get mad at me when I would bring it up, I was too blind at the time to see that it was all his doing. That night I might as well had sex with all of those "men" and I still feel like I did. This is not the only sexual crime that happened to me while I attended this school, most of them are from this boyfriend. This is just the one that bothers me the most.

 

[hangingon]

I am so sorry you went through that! I'm confused as to why no one got into trouble for that. I hope you find a path to healing.

 

[Sideways]

At first when I started reading your post, I was just plain angry how many friggin college boys destroy womens lives with their date rape BS. You come across a lot of nasty stories on this forum, and the "college boy date rape" scenario is one that I carry around. Very angry.

But I'll be honest, when I got to the part about what you had to see when you (courageously) reported it, I made an audible gasp. It never stops amazing me how hideously humans can treat each other sometimes.

Putting aside my personal vengeance ideas for this guy, I am so glad you've reached out to this forum. This is a place where you are safe, respected, and completely supported. You are not alone, and this is a space where you can come throughout your healing process and feel support and compassion from people who genuinely understand your pain and the damage this has caused.

Putting your story out there like that was the second immensely courageous thing that you've done to fight back against what this b@stard did. You still have all your dignity intact - he is the only one of you two that lost his dignity on that night. Hang on to your courage - it's a quality that you should be incredibly proud of, because you have it in spades.

 

[Bloomy]

Im really sorry to hear what you gone through and as Ragdoll says that the crime you subcomed wasnt even taken as seriously as it should have been according to how horrendous the crime was.

It makes me total in rage what we females must go through without the society seing it as the crimes it is and especially young vunerable females.

I hope the best for you to overcome this - take care.

 

[I'm not Spiderman]

I'm so upset I can't believe this happened to you :(
My experience happened in my 2nd year university and was a stupid date rape college boyfriend.
I just hate hearing stories like this it makes me so sad.
I'm really sorry for this comment it must sound so emotional (I'm really all over the place this week)
I really do feel your pain.
Really just want to give you a hug.
I'm so sorry :(
I hope that you start to heal you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity you are a princess in my eyes. Hugs to you my sister.

 

[Jnean]

thanks for sharing, I'm truly sorry that happened to you and just want to say please don't ever feel that it's your fault. Hugs if you accept.

 

[Friday]

I'm confused, here. Regret and embarrassment do not sexual assault make.

My second year of college I was dating this guy that I thought was really amazing. One night we went tot a dorm party and got pretty drunk then walked back down to his apartment were we spent the night and had sex, like most other college couples. .

So you had consensual sex with your amazing boyfriend

But, what I found out the next day changed my life forever. I found out that my boyfriend had set it up for people to watch us through a very small hole in the blinds. Once my roommates told me that there was a video of me having sex going around campus,.

The next day you were hugely & completely embarrassed, & learned you amazing boyfriend was an untrustworthy douche, and now regret dating/trusting him.

 

[EveHarrington]

@FridayJones

What is it called when you're video taped without giving consent? ------while engaging in a sexual act.

It may not be sexual assault in the traditional sense but it is very much a violation of privacy. (And quite illegal.)

The boyfriend may not have set up the taping part, but he set the ball in motion.

College guys can be disgusting. Sorry this happened to you OP.

 

[Thank you Ragdoll]

At first when I started reading your post, I was just plain angry how many friggin college boys d...

Thank you so much for your kind words. This happened to me 2 1/2 years ago and it's taken me this long to put it into words. I really appreciate you're care, I'm happy that I've finally found a place where people understand, I've felt so alone. I'll share more soon, thank you

 

[Sideways]

Yup, pretty sure that qualifies as sexual assault here, because you're sooo not consenting to the people who are watching and ergo engaged in the act itself...

 

[Sideways]

Sorry, wrong way round - his filming & showing the sex is a sexual act, and if you haven't consented to him doing that, it's sexual assault. And bloody heinous.

 

[Friday]

IDK... Maybe it's because I have so very many different types of f*cked up things in my past, that figuring out which parts are f*cked up, in what way, and what those effects are ...that identifying things correctly really matters. IE the effects of sexual assault (aka forced & against my will) are going to be very different than the effects of having consensual sex & then being betrayed and embarrassed after the fact. Doesn't mean it's not still f*cked up. Just a very different kind of f*cked up.

If someone you're dating has so little respect for you as to film you during private moments without your permission & distribute copies of it (whether having sex, taking a shower, using the toilet, etc.) ... That's a different set of issues than if the person you're dating is raping & assaulting you. Both are abusive. Just different classes of abuse.