New-ish Counselor And Really Struggling

[GingerAli]

First, I just want to say I have seen several counselor's. This is not my first one.
I just recently started seeing a new counselor a little over a month ago. I noticed I was starting to struggle again and it felt like it was time to start T again and work in stuff more.

He's a great fit belief-wise. I feel like he seems to get me fairly well. But I'm getting worse. We have started addressing trauma stuff, but Im not sure how to gauge if things are good or if we are moving too fast. Today I struggled from the beginning with feeling pushed or like he was being a bit aggressive. I kind of shut down. Then we moved on to a new topic. I ended up telling him I had felt suicidal that week, and for the first time ever, I was honest with a T and admitted I had a plan for a long time. And I proceeded to tell him. We signed a "suicide contract". He made an effort to make sure I felt better about things but I was not honest and left in a very bad state.

I felt horrible. Vulnerable, anxious and like u was going to implode. I felt small and childlike. It was a very different feeling of anxiety than I had ever felt before. I called him and he did some guided imagery to help bring me back down. I told him I thought I was triggered and he said it triggered anxiety but not PTSD triggered. Why did I feel so weird? I don't know how to approach him about this stuff. How do I tell him it felt like too much. I ended up in a bad state all day and cut. He's a good therapist, I can see that by the care he takes, but I don't know how to address things that come up that involve potentially "criticizing" my counselor. I don't know how to address when I feel like he is telling me it's not a trigger but feels so much more than an anxiety attack.

Sorry that was long. I am not able to be brief about things. Lol

 

[Seasounds]

If I was getting worse, and felt pressured, and not knowing how to speak up to my therapist, I might take a week off, make a plan toe either try to talk about things or to find another therapist.

My story is a bit tainted in that, I had a therapist like this. Clearly, I found that he understood me, and I also found him too be too pushy, too directive, avoiding my topics and feelings. I thought it might be my job to learn how to be tougher and more adaptable. After a while, I dared to criticize him; he retaliated. I got worse. Out of self-survival, I left; realized there were healthier therapists, who could work at my speed. That was a good move. Good luck!

 

[GingerAli]

If I were to criticize him and he retaliated, I would not hesitate to leave. But I do not know if he's a bad fit yet. I think we are still getting to know each other?

 

[Justmehere]

Is he discussing with you any skills you can do outside of therapy to reduce the pain you are in and begin to reduce/replace the self injury or suicidal thinking?

If a client tells a well trained trauma therapist very honestly that they are struggling as much as you are, they should hold off on any trauma processing work for right now until you are doing better. Diving into trauma work very often makes symptoms worse. Just the fact that symptoms are worse is not always a red flag that the therapist may not be up to par. However, if you share with him how much you are struggling right now, and how you are feeling, and the therapist lets the trauma work continue without helping you feel safer inside and outside of the session, that would be a big sign that maybe it's time to consult and interview other therapists more skilled in handling trauma.