Not Invited By Family For Christmas - How To Process That

[sun seeker]

Me too.

My solution? Well, I'd like to sleep from now until about April, but that's not going to happen. I don't know. Just chiming in to say I get where you're coming from. It hurts like anything.

 

[ms spock]

Being the scapegoat of the family, sucks severely!

 

[shell]

That's awful, I hope you have some "family" of choice to spend that day with. You don't need to be around them, because they aren't supportive, but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt to recognise that.

It really hurts to admit to ourselves that our family aren't the people we need them to be, but at least in accepting that we get to recognize it is not about us, but all about the sort of people they are.

I have come to accept that relationship can never be the one I need, and it gets easier each year to let go what can never be, and to be happy without them. I look at it as growth, because I am learning to not rely on toxic relationships, and to be more caring of my needs. This will be my third Christmas without family of origin contact, and it gets better each year.

 

[Melody coates]

i can so relate to this! my family is all happy and enjoying the holidays while i'm borderline on the streets! do any of them care? only a few of them and the rest either don't or even care.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

@Melody coates

Soon to be homeless changes everything. Life processes of mythic family get togethers… dog analogy make food, feed, pickup poo, put it in the trash, and who was top dog.

Working this through myself.

 

[RussH]

Their shame, not mine.

You are right, it is their shame and not yours, and I would also say that it is their problem and not yours.

However I also know it hurts, and I am truly sorry for your pain,

Will you have some place to go for Christmas? I hope so.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

Will you have some place to go for Christmas? I hope so.

So many truly kind folks here. Well, if I can get into a good dream state it will be riding dirt bikes in Baja, billions of stars at night with good good friends. Can't do now, but goal is for dreams of that. If weather was better here cold and rain, I would go camp. Nature soothes me. Too awkward to be around others now. But not one to feel lonely, always a good dog and book at hand. Blessings to you, it will be a calm day without drama, unplugging the phone too.

 

[Nam]

Camping sounds perfect! Take your dog, a good book. I know people who camp in all sorts of conditions. I can't say exactly how since I've only gone "glamping" (glamour camping) and it doesn't really count since I have heat/air, mattress and wifi. LOL.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

@Nam Me and Bella have done it many times. Last was unusual. Home sold (FC), but new owners originally wanted me to stay on for a while, second home. Broken ankle (5 pins, rod, and broken foot,) 10 days before closing, 2 weeks post surgery. No where to live. Camped in my tiny tent (bought for my motorcycle camping). Wheelchair up hill on grass to the port potty for 2 weeks, until I found a place to live. Could not drive, but had great camp mates around who would get me supplies. Bella was very kind to the tent (nails and all) and liked it. Worried that I could not walk her, but everyone looked out for her and me. It was the best of the worst of times. It was summer though some light rain, but now is heavy rain. I have a small back deck, and might just set up the tent on that.

 

[Nam]

I'm sure it is wet where you are now. The deck sounds good though. Sometimes, it's not what we are doing...it's that we are planning on doing something for ourselves that counts. That we think being kind to ourselves is valuable. That what we want matters too. Even if it pours and rains.

 

[Deleted member 487]

Do you really want to spend Christmas with the same people that abused you?

 

[ms spock]

The other thing to realise is that it is pretty common for people to be ostracised from their families as well, in Australia I read it was 1 in 8. So we are not alone.