Relationship Now I Need Help...

[Trembling]

My future hubby is in the clinic, somehow I still cant believe that I will spend the night without him, but at least I know he is at a safe place.

If you asked me how I feel???? I cannot really describe, exhausted, hopeful, relieved, down and so incredible lonely. I am sitting in a hotel room a few minutes from the clinic, where I will be for the next 5 to 7 days.

My love was very honest with his doctor, which is good, and he really wants this help. His meds will be increased, but under control, and for the alcohol he will get some other meds which are supposed to stop the craving for it, whenever the PTSD episode kicks in.

I miss him but I am sure we can find the right way for us together.

 

[Mrs. T]

I'm so happy for you as your future hubby is getting some help. I can relate to the feeling of not wanting to sleep alone...especially at a hotel. Maybe, if you can, take advantage of the time alone. Take extra care of yourself. Afterall, it's been rough lately and I'm sure you could use the break. Know that your fiance is in good hands now. Visit and support, but try to get a mental break whenever you can. Treat yourself if you can.

 

[amethist]

Hang in there Trembling.

I bet you feel so much pride in him right now, for not just admitting he needed help, but taking it when it was offered.

You may find him being a bit doped up for a few days, especially if they are giving him something to help with the initial issues that coming of the drink does have. These will fade as the days go by though, but it is better than him feeling really ill, which he may without them.

It will still be hard going, but it will be easier now he has the help to get it out of his system.

Shout if you need to talk, as I know how tough this is for both of you.

Amethist

 

[Trembling]

I am very proud. He called this morning - he got the phone from the hospital, as he cannot have anything private in there, and just told me how much he misses me and that he feels so bad in putting so many people in troubles because of his behavior.

Guess now the guilt is taking over, and in addition the meds.

Today they'll check his own injuries, and I just hope nothing is broken, which I doubt. His hand looked like a balloon yesterday.

Anyway, I had the best sleep in weeks, and I took the longest shower this morning, yes Mrs. T I will listen to your advice - its in the back of my mind - everything I tell others to do I ll do now for myself.

I m now trying to get on a few days of sick leave as otherwise I could not be with him, and of course, no one should find out what really is going on. I never go on sick, so the suspicion that something else is going on is there from my colleagues.

But, do I care, no not really - I keep my job, will take care of my future hubby and we will move forward, step by step and get married in May! Happy!

I ll keep you guys up to date.

Thanks for your posts, its helps more than anything else.:tup:

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[SeekingSerenity]

(((((Trembling)))))))

I hope your future hubby knows how much you love him!

I am finding that surviving a relationship with PTSD takes a LOT from both sides. What I do believe is that when a relationship does survive it, it can and will survive anything else.

 

[iluvdesserts]

Trembling, I really "feel" for you. You sound like such a strong woman with a "sound" mind. All I can say is that you seem to be doing everything right. Even handling your pain correctly. We all have to "break down" sometimes, it's ok. My thoughts are with you......

 

[Trembling]

Hi you all! I just came back from my first visit, oh my god, don't get me wrong, the clinic is a hotel itself, but of course everything/one is more or less locked up. But, with the OK from his doc we were allowed to go outside the ward, under observation of course.

The problem is now, that my love feels sooooooo good - getting off the alcohol and with the meds, he feels just fine.

So I have to convince him together with his doc, that he needs to stay just a few days more.

Otherwise I feel much better, of course it is terrible to see him there, though I know very well its for our own good.

Tonight I will even go and meet some friends who know about the whole story, and he did even encourage me to go out. AND I will!!! ;)

SeekingSerenity, yes he knows how much I love him, and he does so too. I am one of the lucky ones - even though he has PTSD he shows it always, when its him without the alcohol.

ilovedesserts - not so sure if I am strong, but I guess so. A healthy breakdown is good for our souls and it brings me back to reality.

I ll do my best, and whatever I can do to support him, and I hope I will be reminded myself whenever I m willing to go down, to get my backside together and look after myself!

Thanks!

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[amethist]

Please try and convince him to stay a few more days Trembling.

Tell him from another supporter, her husband did 10 days, and would do it again tomorrow if he had to.

Be nice to yourself, as you deserve a break too.

 

[Trembling]

Dear Amethist, I will try to do my best, really but I don't know how. Tomorrow we ll talk again, to just make it understandable to him, why it s the only solution to "sort of" fix one problem, and concentrate on the other one after.

I spent this evening with our friends and their kids, who know that my love is not doing well and is in hospital, it was heartbreaking when the older one told me about 5 times "I hope he will be well again", guys, I thought my heart was breaking in two.

My love knew them before me, and the older girl (11) had her birthday tonight, so he really wanted to be there - he arranged in the hospital to get on the phone and to talk to her, just to wish her a happy birthday - I think his heart was crying at this moment.

I only had him on the line for a minute, and I knew he was "under drugs", and when the girl told me "he did not talk much" , I almost broke out in tears. I explained, that he is sick and needs some time to get better.

Her concern was - "Your wedding will be the most important day for me in this year" - You know what - I told her full of positive energy "It will be also mine" !!!!!!!!

I know there is a long way to go, very long, and somehow I just need to find the perfect line, who cares if it is wavy or bumpy, as long as I feel good with it and can make my future hubby happy and strong, I will walk it.

Thanks to you!

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[SeekingSerenity]

Trembling, keep your eye on the immediate goal, your wedding. Use it as a short-term focus...

I am marrying my Beloved in July, and so many times its been the wedding and what it will mean to her and I that has helped me, and pulled me back from the dark places.

I am also not naive to believe that after the wedding it will all be plain sailing and butterflies. There will be times that we will be tested, severely so. But I take heart in the fact that PTSD can be beaten, and I also know that no matter how bad the storm, I can survive it. I love her deeper than the PTSD can reach. And she knows that.

Don't lose heart, don't stray from your path. A dogged determination, a positive attitude, true love, and the knowledge of PTSD that you will find from this forum, will all combine to ensure that you find the happiness you deserve.

Be kind to yourself... I have found that it works!

((((((HUGS)))))))

SeekingSerenity

 

[Trembling]

Hello again!

SeekingSerenity, yes, our wedding is a goal, and a big one - I have no doubts on my decision to move on and to stay with my man forever, as unreal it might sound after all we went through, knowing that this was not the end of the problems.

Update from today, amethist - he agreed on the suggestion of the doc to stay until Wednesday in the clinic. Though there are some restrictions, the doc did communicate with the clinic to lift them a bit for my fiance. I can visit him more often than usually allowed, and we can talk on the phone in between.

Of course I would love to take him home, but the thought of it scared me too much, so I was honest and told my fiance that I fully agree on him staying in the clinic.

He is full of hope, and said today - I know I have a problem with the alcohol which triggers the PTSD episodes even worse. So, he made a huge step forward.

He told me, for what I am doing for him, he should marry me twice ;) - well, I m already happy to marry him at all!!!!!!

I am still scared to bits, scared that my trust will not come back, scared that I will become a control freak, is this fear normal?

One thing I have to say here, and many other have done that before, this forum is magic, it supports, helps and gives you the feeling of being alive with many others who understand what you are going through.
Over and over again - Thank you. HUGS

 

[amethist]

Good for him Trembling, that shows he is determined to give this his best shot. :tup:

You do have to be stronger than them when leaving them in a clinic like that, I remember not looking back as I left my husband for 10 days, and could not visit for the next 3 days. I told him that I wanted him to be strong and do this for us both.

Trust is an issue that does take a long long time to get back, we still have small issues about it, but nothing like what was going on before.

My husband keeps telling me he would marry me again tomorrow, for standing by him and helping him get this far with his recovery.

You will one day look back and both see how far you have come with all this. Knowing what you did was the right way to go.