- Post starter
- #25
D
Deleted member 541
@hodge Frozen veggies so you don’t have to peel and all that shit. And get hubby to help.....
-
We are a multilingual website again. Read the notice about this.
-
Understand AI use at MyPTSD: all AI use is explained in our AI help page. AI use is by choice here. It exists if you want it, but does nothing unless you choose to use it.
- Status
Cyberluddite
Silver Member
According to therapists, counselors, social workers, and psychologists, the winter holiday season really isn't the "most wonderful time of the year" for many people. Normally, Christmas is supposed to be about celebrating with family and loved ones, and I think that's a noble aspiration. But as other members have mentioned, not everyone has a reason for the season.
Add to that the anxiety and social pressure of buying "the latest and coolest" presents as a way to fit in, not to mention the crushing post-holiday credit debt that inevitably follows (and knowing that your gift was rudely returned for credit towards something the recipient actually wanted), and yeah the holidays don't help much. Plus, everyone's saying you should be jolly, you should be happy, but that the holiday isn't really yours because you're not of their religion... that's one heck of an abusive mindset, when you think about it. Especially when you see large parties and dinners, attended by lots of people raising a pint and singing off-key... and everyone you know and/or loved is either dead or wants you dead.
People make a lot of money by subconsciously hurting you back into Stockholm Syndrome every October. Even Krampus would get a bit Kranky about those types of shenanigans and tomfoolery, with Jacob Marley tagging along as his sidekick.
Growing up, my holidays were nerve-wracking and involved at least one adoptive parent going at the other. There are one or two holidays that I do have good memories, one was when I first visited my grandparents at their Minnesota farmhouse in 1985. The other was in 2004, when I was recovering in Gainesville and realized that I had no family left. I think that was when I realized why Christmas was so horrible for so many people, despite the joy it kept promising.
Christmas isn't a holiday. It's not a blowout sale, it's not a shiny new gadget that breaks before Valentine's Day, it's not the festive dinners and depressing (and creepy!) decorations. It's not a thing, it's not even an event. It's a celebration of death and rebirth (the deity in question doesn't really matter, the names change but the song's always the same), a time of letting bygones be bygones and starting the new year with a fresh, clean slate. Another chance to live, love, laugh, forgive, forget, and just be in the unbearable lightness of being.
It's a chance you don't just celebrate once a year. If you're really lucky, you learn to celebrate it every moment of your life.
"People were created to be loved. Things were created to be used. The reason why the world is in chaos, is because things are being loved and people are being used." -- John Green (but said by many others before him)
Maybe Jacob Marley had it right, after all. Christmas ain't about giving presents to others. It's about celebrating the life we were given, for better or worse. Comparing what we've got against what someone else gets... that's why the holidays affect people the way they do. That's why people become so miserable, because they feel forced to be something they're not. To do something they know they can't afford, for something they'll never gain.
Don't compare what you have against what you don't have yet. Let your own bygones be bygones, and at midnight, January 1st... face the new year with a clean slate. Choices, gotta love em.
Add to that the anxiety and social pressure of buying "the latest and coolest" presents as a way to fit in, not to mention the crushing post-holiday credit debt that inevitably follows (and knowing that your gift was rudely returned for credit towards something the recipient actually wanted), and yeah the holidays don't help much. Plus, everyone's saying you should be jolly, you should be happy, but that the holiday isn't really yours because you're not of their religion... that's one heck of an abusive mindset, when you think about it. Especially when you see large parties and dinners, attended by lots of people raising a pint and singing off-key... and everyone you know and/or loved is either dead or wants you dead.
People make a lot of money by subconsciously hurting you back into Stockholm Syndrome every October. Even Krampus would get a bit Kranky about those types of shenanigans and tomfoolery, with Jacob Marley tagging along as his sidekick.
Growing up, my holidays were nerve-wracking and involved at least one adoptive parent going at the other. There are one or two holidays that I do have good memories, one was when I first visited my grandparents at their Minnesota farmhouse in 1985. The other was in 2004, when I was recovering in Gainesville and realized that I had no family left. I think that was when I realized why Christmas was so horrible for so many people, despite the joy it kept promising.
Christmas isn't a holiday. It's not a blowout sale, it's not a shiny new gadget that breaks before Valentine's Day, it's not the festive dinners and depressing (and creepy!) decorations. It's not a thing, it's not even an event. It's a celebration of death and rebirth (the deity in question doesn't really matter, the names change but the song's always the same), a time of letting bygones be bygones and starting the new year with a fresh, clean slate. Another chance to live, love, laugh, forgive, forget, and just be in the unbearable lightness of being.
It's a chance you don't just celebrate once a year. If you're really lucky, you learn to celebrate it every moment of your life.
"People were created to be loved. Things were created to be used. The reason why the world is in chaos, is because things are being loved and people are being used." -- John Green (but said by many others before him)
Maybe Jacob Marley had it right, after all. Christmas ain't about giving presents to others. It's about celebrating the life we were given, for better or worse. Comparing what we've got against what someone else gets... that's why the holidays affect people the way they do. That's why people become so miserable, because they feel forced to be something they're not. To do something they know they can't afford, for something they'll never gain.
Don't compare what you have against what you don't have yet. Let your own bygones be bygones, and at midnight, January 1st... face the new year with a clean slate. Choices, gotta love em.
- Post starter
- #27
D
Deleted member 541
@Cyberluddite Absolutely LOVED your post!!!!!!! Thank you, cause basically that’s how I feel.....
- Post starter
- #28
D
Deleted member 12723
Well I know I do not have any enthusiasm for it and I had such excitement about decorating for the holidays this year for the first time in over four years! I am still going to have my christmas tree because I love my ornaments and tree lights and it cheers me up and frankly I can use some cheerfulness.
Dragging my sorry ass into the spirit of things now, NOT
Dragging my sorry ass into the spirit of things now, NOT
Oh boy. I can totally relate to the ruined Christmas's from crazy levels of family
dysfunction/abuse and also being totally overwhelmed and turned off by the crass
consumerism. Ugh. Double ugh.
I hated the holiday for the longest time. One day, as I was complaining bitterly about it,
a "normie" friend, rather shocked about my dislike, suggested gently that maybe I could
make Christmas into whatever holiday I liked. He said, it's too bad to miss out on the
traditional meaning of the holiday of renewal and anticipation of the returning light of
the sun. As well as the fragrant evergreens, red berries, cones, pumpkin pies, beautiful
lights, (not meaning the over the top, sensory overload, blinking lights in the stores),
gorgeous snow and delicate ice formations (if you're in that part of the world).
Special foods only available during the holidays (like clementines and cranberry sauce
from scratch)
His point hit home for me, so I decided not to let the former toxic memories taint Christmas
and the lovely time of peace it can be (it's like one of the only times of the year that people
slow the f down) Christmas is now a holiday that I primarily celebrate in private
and for myself. If I'm invited to parties or gatherings, if the day itself goes well, great. But
that doesn't matter to me anymore. I enjoy the lights I put up, my Charlie Brown x-mas tree
that gets decorated in 30 minutes or less. The pumpkin pie and homemade whipping cream
that sometimes I will eat by myself. The fragrant boughs and candles and incense that I
enjoy myself. I avoid most over the top stores, and if I do have to shop during that time
I go first thing in the morning if I can, so those horrid displays can exert less power (some-
times they're not even turned on which helps)
I also think about my goals for the New Year and remember to tune into my Higher Power
(a definition in progress). All the rest of it I try and regard as a foreign holiday from a
foreign country that I don't really relate to. I politely go along if need be, but I keep my private
version of Christmas happily to myself to enjoy alone.
And now I love Christmas :)
dysfunction/abuse and also being totally overwhelmed and turned off by the crass
consumerism. Ugh. Double ugh.
I hated the holiday for the longest time. One day, as I was complaining bitterly about it,
a "normie" friend, rather shocked about my dislike, suggested gently that maybe I could
make Christmas into whatever holiday I liked. He said, it's too bad to miss out on the
traditional meaning of the holiday of renewal and anticipation of the returning light of
the sun. As well as the fragrant evergreens, red berries, cones, pumpkin pies, beautiful
lights, (not meaning the over the top, sensory overload, blinking lights in the stores),
gorgeous snow and delicate ice formations (if you're in that part of the world).
Special foods only available during the holidays (like clementines and cranberry sauce
from scratch)
His point hit home for me, so I decided not to let the former toxic memories taint Christmas
and the lovely time of peace it can be (it's like one of the only times of the year that people
slow the f down) Christmas is now a holiday that I primarily celebrate in private
and for myself. If I'm invited to parties or gatherings, if the day itself goes well, great. But
that doesn't matter to me anymore. I enjoy the lights I put up, my Charlie Brown x-mas tree
that gets decorated in 30 minutes or less. The pumpkin pie and homemade whipping cream
that sometimes I will eat by myself. The fragrant boughs and candles and incense that I
enjoy myself. I avoid most over the top stores, and if I do have to shop during that time
I go first thing in the morning if I can, so those horrid displays can exert less power (some-
times they're not even turned on which helps)
I also think about my goals for the New Year and remember to tune into my Higher Power
(a definition in progress). All the rest of it I try and regard as a foreign holiday from a
foreign country that I don't really relate to. I politely go along if need be, but I keep my private
version of Christmas happily to myself to enjoy alone.
And now I love Christmas :)
MyWillow
Platinum Member
I do that also...we stay home with the animals, have a real tree with gorgeous decorations and lots of lights on the deck. It’s our Summer so we often do roast meats on the coal BBQ and have salads and cold dessert. We drink really good wine and champagne. We watch our favourite TV show Christmas specials on DVD. Sometimes we go to local Carols on Christmas Eve. We play only Carols from 1st December - huge collection!
But it’s always such a struggle to separate this from my growing up. And my family who do their utmost to make me feel guilty about not traversing the country to have Christmas with them.
Hoping that being in therapy will help with this. So often I find myself in tears on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day without understanding why.
But it’s always such a struggle to separate this from my growing up. And my family who do their utmost to make me feel guilty about not traversing the country to have Christmas with them.
Hoping that being in therapy will help with this. So often I find myself in tears on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day without understanding why.
Last edited by a moderator:
It's hard not to grieve, seeing families celebrating together with what looks to be genuine
warmth. I remind myself that many people are suffering the same ordeal that many of us
here have gone through. It's important to celebrate the peace we now have.
Btw, the way you celebrate Christmas now sounds lovely! Best of luck moving through
things in therapy. It does help.
- Post starter
- #32
D
Deleted member 12723
Holidays alone just suck. I am counting very heavily on my little christmas tree and decorations and ornaments to tide me through. I think the people here who have transformed the holiday into beautiful new creations are very smart. I know that after Jan 1, I will be able to breathe freely and all of Christmas will be cleared out of my place.
Yeah, despite me considering Christmas my private holiday celebration of one, I still find myself
feeling wistful if I see a family happily gathered at their holiday dinner (that's why I actually have
a harder time at Thanksgiving than Christmas--all dinner, no lights, etc). I can sometimes
feel like an orphaned Cratchit, like I'm starving outside in the snowy street, looking in at the
Christmas goose and all the proverbial goodness of family.
Damn all those Norman Rockwell paintings! They just created a whole mess of unmet
expectations!!
- Post starter
- #34
D
Deleted member 12723
Thanksgiving is hard on me too. It is the remembrance of when my family was still all together and two of them were still alive. Too much grief for me. I am really going to have to brainstorm for that one.
I think Christmas will be easier than Thanksgiving for me anyways. I may go to a friends for Thanksgiving and it will be hard to have to be on there among people that I do not really know.
I think Christmas will be easier than Thanksgiving for me anyways. I may go to a friends for Thanksgiving and it will be hard to have to be on there among people that I do not really know.
- Moderator
- #35
Sideways
VIP Member
7 years in a row I’ve spent Christmas as an inpatient.
I’m happy for the people who enjoy the festive season. I don’t know what planet they live on, but it sure sounds like a really swell place to be.
I’m happy for the people who enjoy the festive season. I don’t know what planet they live on, but it sure sounds like a really swell place to be.
- Status
Similar posts
Donation drives
Trending content
-
-
What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?
- goingonhope
Comments: 34K -
-
-
-
