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Opinions on EMDR and other treatments

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I haven't done EMDR before but it was suggested to me. I just moved to Portland, OR in 2019 from the middle of nowhere where many services such as EMDR were not available. All in all, I have spent 15 years in therapy plus the school counselor in grade school but it was also suggested that general therapy may not have been my best option considering my CPTSD, level of chronic anxiety and length of disability. I suspect I developed PTSD in my formative years and I am 40 now. I have been working but I consider my employer just a half step up from the supported employment I have had in the past.

I excelled through online college and graduate school but the moment I look up from my studies to deal with human beings - particularly non-disabled human beings, problems arise and my work does not reflect my education level at all. I even had issues with classmates while going to school online. Medications muffle the noise some but at my core, I'm guarded and suspicious of people - probably in large part because my family and others failed me in multiple ways as I grew up and I was built to expect the worst. Just to clarify, I was born with a severe cleft lip and palate - the entire world was shitty until I had my 15th surgery and they started being nice (I was 15 years old). The sudden niceness didn't console me - I think I just got more angry. Therapy did nothing to improve my feelings on that - I only became more aware of it and more willing to admit it. I've never been diagnosed with a personality disorder, though I have often wondered why. But then I guess if I think I have a personality disorder, maybe I don't?

My husband says without reservation that I don't have a personality disorder - I just don't like assholes. That's fine but it would still be nice to be able to get along with them for the sake of my own progress.

I don't really know what is out there as far as treatment is concerned outside of traditional therapy and pills, so I am providing some background and asking what has worked for you and/or what have you heard of that might be helpful for someone with my problems. I'm not really sure how long I will be able to stand living in a real city so I have been asking myself what resources I ought to reach out for while I still can. I just realized this might be a very good place to ask.

Thanks!

EMDR is not for every one, many here will say good things about EMDR, for me it worked as it started me on processing and linking up how distinct traumas interrelate. but for me the nature of my trauma (my Therapist recently said it was Torture) EMDR led to me being overwhelmed and having A lot of disassociation And body memories. But you should try it it may work for you, you can always discontinue if you find it’s too much.
 
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