People Think I'm Crazy

[Lost76976]

I've been having some problems at work lately. Like I have a thing when people get mad at me or use a strong sounding
voice
and something like that I'll start crying or have a panic attack. And for example yesterday at work I asked my boss if I could leave early and she said the answer is no and just the way she said it made my heart start racing and I work in a resturant so I went into the side station to try to breathe and not to cry but I felt on edge the rest of the day and it was hard to talk to people and concentrate like the other hostess asked me who was next to be seated and I couldn't remember and it was hard to talk so I stuttered a little bit and people kept asking me if I was ok and then people just stayed away from me and kept their distance from me. I guess because I had gotten kind of shaky and it was hard to breathe so It was kind of hard to talk and I heard food servers talking inthe corner and one of them said she's crazy. I know I'm not crazy and just have times where I'm like this but I'm worries about how this is effecting my job or if I could get fired for this. Though sometimes I just hope I get fired so I don't have to be around other people while I'm like this you know. I do want to get on fmla but I don't start therapy until January. But I keep feeling like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I'm not really sure how to deal with everything

 

[anni]

Hi Lost,

No, you're not crazy. You really are experiencing some pretty typical PTSD reactions, although I KNOW they must feel less than typical to you!

I wish I had more time to write today, but do not. I would like to say that if you have time, please indulge yourself with searching this forum and reading various threads about your symptoms? It will make you feel NOT alone, less frantic and more hopeful, at the very least!

It's SUCH a comforting, affirming 'thing' to know you are not alone in your reactions and experiences. So many, many PTSD sufferers ave also come THROUGH where you are now and no longer so much at the mercy of thier tirggers every day. It's REALLY lovely to read the success stories, also! It just makes you KNOW that one day you'll have so much more peace.

Please take care, and hope you at least know you're not alone!

Anni

 

[Grainne]

Hi Lost. Welcome.

I'm sorry that you feel so out of control at work..I know the feeling somedays. This forum really helps alot in finding out you are not alone in how you feel. It's made a huge difference for me, being able to relate to other people.

Just keep trying to find new coping mechanismn, new ways to get through. I know how overwhelming it can be.

Try to take it easy,
Grainne

 

[kers]

Oh boy, I know exactly what you're talking about. For a while there I was completely certain I was insane because of how I was reacting to things. As Anni said, these are PTSD reactions. They are borne out of fear and they are rooted in the trauma. You are most definitely not crazy. You've been hurt, and your body and mind are reacting to that pain.

What kind of treatment are you getting to help you manage the PTSD?

 

[Lost76976]

Thank you for your replies. I am currently not getting any treatment. Kind of because some of my problems come from trying to get help in the past. So I'm a little picky at finding a therapist. I have an appointment in January cause I don't have the money at the moment from Christmas.

 

[CCurry]

Hey Lost,

Like the others said, you are not crazy and I wish more people could know about the affects of ptsd. Admittedly I was one of those ignorant people until I met my bf who has ptsd so I'm sorry that your workmates have talked behind your back. So glad to hear you start therapy in January, that is a positive step.

C.

 

[helena]

Hi Lost,

Is there anyone at all where you work that you could approach to confide in?

I am a manager and over the years have dealt with so many personal issues from employees and always in a confidential manner. By knowing what they were dealing with in their personal lives I was able to help them cope with the demands of their profession.

I don't know if a restaurant type environment is the best for human resources but, nevertheless, a manager generally has to have some good people skills and will no doubt have the experience of their staff having personal, family, health problems - it is part of life.

As for people thinking you are crazy, you were no doubt having a panic attack and your fear of that may have distorted your own perception of their reactions. You probably looked stressed (so do a million workers in the UK and the US I imagine!!!) Don't beat yourself up about what people may or may not have thought about you.

You have PTSD, what's their excuse?

 

[Join]

Good for you

Hey, Lost,
I'm not going to argue with your subject line. Maybe some people do think you are "crazy". But I'm with you and the other posters in that _I_ don't believe you are going crazy.

I am not working right now, but I have had similar symptoms, including panic, anxiety when authority figures are stern, and trouble speaking at school and then at work. I don't think I'm crazy either now, but for a long time, I had no idea what was going on with me because I was one of those people ignorant of the causes and effects of traumatic stress. It's still two steps forward one step back.

Good for you for making plans to get therapy and learning more about your condition. Keep us posted.

 

[Lost76976]

Thanks again for your responses. I've been thinking about telling my boss but I thought I should probably wait till I start therapy and get on fmla because I'm only 20 and people tend to think people of my age have no problems and I don't want her to think I'm trying to use some kind of excuse to get out of working because I really want to work cause I need money. It's just hard sometimes. I'm just scared she won't believe me
or that she might see that as some kind of weakness and try to get me fired. I don't know if I'm overly worrying about it. It's just all really confusing.

 

[anni]

Hi again Lost,

I just logged in to access some information from the library here. There really is a lottt to tool around and browse through, plus all the history in the posts. When I joined, I wasn't really aware of any of the resources because I'd read, post, (cry) , and then get OUT! :) It was just a relief to see that what I was going through was so SHARED.

We all overly worry ( sometimes HUGLEY ), can be confused, intimidated, and all the other shades of fear/shame/guilt this PTSD tangles us all up in. Crazy isn't one of them,regardless of what anyone 'thinks', and I REALLY liked Helene's post "I have PTSD, what's your excuse?'. Hold on to that one! :) There's dignity in allowing yourself that thought because others tend to disallow us the simple dignity of tolerance.

Yes, many of us also understand bad experiences with therapy. There's a thread ( probably more than one, I should think! ) about bad therapists. It's VERY good and enlightening as heck. It's also very long, which highlights how pervasive your experience was. The nice part of the thread is a lot of the posts end with finally finding the RIGHT one. When you have the energy, you'll get there.

In the meantime, this forum is an incredibly good place for you. I see a lot of good suggestions and the usual warmth one finds here in response to your post. If you can keep checking in, I'm sure you'll find it's just a really good place to start some healing.

Take Care,

Anni

 

[onebravegirl]

Hi Lost,
One definition of insane is to repeat the same action over and over again and expect a different result every time. People who like to call others "crazy" are ignorant. Ignorant is defined as lacking knowledge. The way I see it, a person lacking knowledge does not have a right to form an opinion. I say disregard ignorance.
Try thinking like this: Did I ask for their opinion? If their opinion is un-invited and unwelcome, then why bother caring what they think at all? If it is the opinion of a close friend who knows you very well, then consider it. If not and it come from people you don't even like, then.."Those who know me, know me well, those who don't can go too.."
We all get tired and feel weak at times. Hang in there Lost. You are not crazy, just injured.:Hug_emoticon:
With hope,
O

 

[Aine]

You're not crazy. Being truly insane is quite rare.
People think I'm crazy too and the stigma that comes with having a mental disorder makes me quite sad. People just have trouble understanding unusual behaviour because they gauge it by normal expectations. It's very difficult for them to understand why you react the way you do but that doesn't make you crazy, it just makes them ignorant. If people ask me why I do certain things, I try and explain to them it's because I'm ill, not because I'm crazy. There are very few cures for insanity but illness is treatable.
Do your employers know you have C-PTSD? It might be worth telling them so they don't chalk your reactions up to something different.

Love and Light,

Aine