Sexual Assault Please - Do Not Try And Control Me

[Lucycat]

I was talking yesterday to my T about a friendship that is going pear-shaped. He said that I - like others who have been abused -do not go with the concept of being controlled. Because the abuse was about control, once we are out of that situation control feels bad.

I can see his point. I was not sure that I was being controlled, and am sure that it was not deliberate. But it makes sense as to why I have been feeling so uncomfortable.

 

[CheeryFetchling]

If it resonates with you, maybe it's true. But you don't have to go with it just because it sounds right. Take time to work through it. It may be you'll see it slightly differently now.

Hope you work it out.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Follow your heart and trust your gut feelings and instincts.

 

[rainbow1]

Control is such a huge issue with me too. Its hard not to control people and be controlled. I mean, I think we all do it to a certain extent, intentionally or not, in order to get what we want or to get someone to do what we want or need.

I felt that the man I started to date wanted to control me. He told me to text him at least once per day so he new I was ok. This really annoyed me as I felt he had no right to ask me to do this and I would contact him when I chose and not when he specified. I thought this was about him trying to control me, but T thinks this was actually about his insecurities and his need to feel reassured.

I think some control is necessary for things to be organised but that it becomes a problem when there is no compromise or opportunity to change.

Its very complicated!

 

[Pencil]

Attempts to control me make me feel violated, scared, obsessively angry and violent. I want to run away and I want to stay and fight. There is nothing in the world I hate more. And the funny thing is that in the end I feel controlled no matter what I do, due to my emotional reaction - it really infests my head and thoughts and feelings and .... everything. :banghead::banghead::banghead:

 

[digger]

I've been thinking about this a lot since you wrote about it in your diary.

I think I struggle with both being controlled, and with being in control.

People trying to control me, or manipulate me - are they the same thing? The result tends to be the same - I end up putting walls up against them or going against what they want, whatever that is, even if it's something I want too… and I guess in that way, I am still being controlled in a way, because I am not acting freely.

And I do not feel in control of my life, or my feelings, or behaviours a lot of the time.

My T has mentioned on a few occasions that she would like for me to feel (more) in control of my situation rather than feeling like it is controlling me. She has also said it is important for me to feel in control in, and of, our sessions, but I really struggle to do that. To take control.

Interestingly, maybe, I view my mother as the more controlling parent but I don't know if that's just because I have clearer picture of how she has affected me. I still hold anything to do with my dad very much at arms length. My T has tried to ask me before what he was like, as a person, as a parent, and I can't find it. Intellect tells me there must have been some sort of coercion or manipulation there too. Fear tells me not to look.

 

[tillybee]

Hey digger long time no speak how are you? Xx