A brief background:
I was on klonopin for 12 years, the same dose of klonopin I always had been, 2mgs at night, and a half during the day if needed. I took the klonopin for night terrors, panic, ptsd, chronic insomnia and social anxiety. It helped to keep me focused, it helped stop the panic attacks, and it helped me to not sleep walk as much from trying to escape the night terrors. It helped me achieve a sort of "mind over matter" so I can function and raise my child. I never asked for a bigger dose, I never refilled sooner than I needed to.
I have a cytochrome P450 issue in that my body processes meds differently than other people. I am allergic to a lot of meds (anti depressants being the relevant ones here, NSAIDS being another) and I have a high tolerance to others (pain killers for example). Therefore, I tend to avoid pain killers, despite having crippling arthritis and osteoarthritis, because it is just not worth it to be at such a high dose.
-----
Doctors do not want to prescribe pain meds or any sort of "brain" medication here in Vermont. (I understand this is a nationwide problem as well)
In October of 2015, my pcp decided she didn't want to be responsible for continuing the klonopin prescription every 4 months, so she sent me to the new in hospital psych. In November of 2015, I met the psych and just got that "bad feeling" you get in your gut. She had printed out my refill history and was waving it around accusingly. I asked her how she would have filled the klonopin differently seeing that I always filled the 28 day prescription anywhere from 35 days to 40 days. She had no answer other than to rave about the dangers of abuse. (mind you, it has been 12 years, I was well over the "possibility of abuse" stage) and clearly not showing any signs of abuse. She told me I would have to call in every month for refills. I was okay with that, but it took her 2 weeks to get the script filled because she wasn't authorized to write scripts in the state of VT being new to VT.
On my next visit, it was clear she had never read my medical history as she talked about getting me off the klonopin in favor for an antihistamine. I calmly explained that you cannot give antihistamines to people with asthma and sarcoidosis that affects the lymphnodes, because it is bronchitis or pneumonia waiting to happen. She argued with me that I was not a doctor, and that I didn't know for sure that would happen. (not even wondering if I had tried antihistamines in the past for a cold or the flu...)
She told me to call for my refill because she wasn't writing it a week early. It took her 10 days to refill it after my call.
In my visit during January, I was very stressed to see her. I did not need another argument. She talked about switching me to a med that lowers blood pressure but works well for anxiety. I pointed out that my blood pressure always averaged 80/60 and that my PCP not 2 weeks earlier was kicking around the idea of trying to pull my blood pressure up, and that this would be a dangerous move. I asked her why she kept offering to switch me off the klonopin, to which she yelled that there was a high rate of addiction and abuse with klonopin. After reiterating that I show no history of a problem, she wrote out 3 refills of the klonopin explaining that she didn't need to see me as often because I was hopeless. I left the office crying. Her nurse stopped me and asked me if I wanted to file a complaint. She helped me file the complaint and told me that several other patients had also filed complaints for feeling judged, interfered with etc...
I went back in February, because her office called saying she wanted to do a checkup (despite her saying the previous month that I was hopeless and wouldn't need to be seen as often). She started off by accusing me of avoiding appointments (I had not missed any of the 4 appts??!!). She didn't remember having offered other meds, she didn't remember giving me the extra refills. It was clear she had heard I filed a complaint because she yelled at me that I didn't want to help myself and that she didn't have time to deal with me and to get out. I left the office telling myself I was going to wean off the klonopin because I could not deal with her anymore.
I started weaning that first week in February. The weaning journey was absolute hell. Depression, agoraphobia, days without sleep, paranoia and so on. I went online to fill other prescriptions at the end of February and saw that my klonopin was not refillable. I called the pharmacy and they said she cancelled the refills. I understand a doctor is within their rights to cancel refills, but to cancel a benzo and not tell the patient is dangerous! What if I hadn't been weaning and needed them?
I don't see her anymore. I am not on any prescription med for any of the emotional problems. I cannot go back to someone knowing there is going to be an argument. Knowing that I am going to be yelled at, degraded, judged and falsely accused. And really, I don't ever want to have to go through weaning off a medication again. I am almost sorry I was ever on it.
I tried valerian root but it made the dreams worse. It also made me spastic, which is the opposite of its intended use.
I take lemon balm, which helps to some degree, but I no longer have the "mind over matter" ability to deal with the constant flow of thoughts. My short term memory is gone. I read a lot (5-8 books a week), but I cannot recall any of the books I have read recently. I will start watching a movie and realize I have just recently watched it. I have to plan out everything in a schedule book now. I have post it notes everywhere. I have overcome the agoraphobia for the most part, but still have days where I just cannot leave the house, though they are a lot less than when I was weaning.
I get up everyday because I have a child. I appear "normal", but there is constant turmoil in my head that I cannot quiet down. I have tried meditation but I cannot get it to work. I do yoga for a lot of the physical problems I have. It has yet to extend to "mental clarity".
Aside from the above and the lemon balm, or calming teas, does anyone use anything non prescription that 1. calms them down and eases panic 2. helps ease the continuous thoughts 3. helps them sleep (aside from melatonin which I take from time to time).
*I should add that my bedroom is like a fortress, no tv,completely dark, white noise machine. I read before bed when I can.
Sorry for the length. Have a great week x
I was on klonopin for 12 years, the same dose of klonopin I always had been, 2mgs at night, and a half during the day if needed. I took the klonopin for night terrors, panic, ptsd, chronic insomnia and social anxiety. It helped to keep me focused, it helped stop the panic attacks, and it helped me to not sleep walk as much from trying to escape the night terrors. It helped me achieve a sort of "mind over matter" so I can function and raise my child. I never asked for a bigger dose, I never refilled sooner than I needed to.
I have a cytochrome P450 issue in that my body processes meds differently than other people. I am allergic to a lot of meds (anti depressants being the relevant ones here, NSAIDS being another) and I have a high tolerance to others (pain killers for example). Therefore, I tend to avoid pain killers, despite having crippling arthritis and osteoarthritis, because it is just not worth it to be at such a high dose.
-----
Doctors do not want to prescribe pain meds or any sort of "brain" medication here in Vermont. (I understand this is a nationwide problem as well)
In October of 2015, my pcp decided she didn't want to be responsible for continuing the klonopin prescription every 4 months, so she sent me to the new in hospital psych. In November of 2015, I met the psych and just got that "bad feeling" you get in your gut. She had printed out my refill history and was waving it around accusingly. I asked her how she would have filled the klonopin differently seeing that I always filled the 28 day prescription anywhere from 35 days to 40 days. She had no answer other than to rave about the dangers of abuse. (mind you, it has been 12 years, I was well over the "possibility of abuse" stage) and clearly not showing any signs of abuse. She told me I would have to call in every month for refills. I was okay with that, but it took her 2 weeks to get the script filled because she wasn't authorized to write scripts in the state of VT being new to VT.
On my next visit, it was clear she had never read my medical history as she talked about getting me off the klonopin in favor for an antihistamine. I calmly explained that you cannot give antihistamines to people with asthma and sarcoidosis that affects the lymphnodes, because it is bronchitis or pneumonia waiting to happen. She argued with me that I was not a doctor, and that I didn't know for sure that would happen. (not even wondering if I had tried antihistamines in the past for a cold or the flu...)
She told me to call for my refill because she wasn't writing it a week early. It took her 10 days to refill it after my call.
In my visit during January, I was very stressed to see her. I did not need another argument. She talked about switching me to a med that lowers blood pressure but works well for anxiety. I pointed out that my blood pressure always averaged 80/60 and that my PCP not 2 weeks earlier was kicking around the idea of trying to pull my blood pressure up, and that this would be a dangerous move. I asked her why she kept offering to switch me off the klonopin, to which she yelled that there was a high rate of addiction and abuse with klonopin. After reiterating that I show no history of a problem, she wrote out 3 refills of the klonopin explaining that she didn't need to see me as often because I was hopeless. I left the office crying. Her nurse stopped me and asked me if I wanted to file a complaint. She helped me file the complaint and told me that several other patients had also filed complaints for feeling judged, interfered with etc...
I went back in February, because her office called saying she wanted to do a checkup (despite her saying the previous month that I was hopeless and wouldn't need to be seen as often). She started off by accusing me of avoiding appointments (I had not missed any of the 4 appts??!!). She didn't remember having offered other meds, she didn't remember giving me the extra refills. It was clear she had heard I filed a complaint because she yelled at me that I didn't want to help myself and that she didn't have time to deal with me and to get out. I left the office telling myself I was going to wean off the klonopin because I could not deal with her anymore.
I started weaning that first week in February. The weaning journey was absolute hell. Depression, agoraphobia, days without sleep, paranoia and so on. I went online to fill other prescriptions at the end of February and saw that my klonopin was not refillable. I called the pharmacy and they said she cancelled the refills. I understand a doctor is within their rights to cancel refills, but to cancel a benzo and not tell the patient is dangerous! What if I hadn't been weaning and needed them?
I don't see her anymore. I am not on any prescription med for any of the emotional problems. I cannot go back to someone knowing there is going to be an argument. Knowing that I am going to be yelled at, degraded, judged and falsely accused. And really, I don't ever want to have to go through weaning off a medication again. I am almost sorry I was ever on it.
I tried valerian root but it made the dreams worse. It also made me spastic, which is the opposite of its intended use.
I take lemon balm, which helps to some degree, but I no longer have the "mind over matter" ability to deal with the constant flow of thoughts. My short term memory is gone. I read a lot (5-8 books a week), but I cannot recall any of the books I have read recently. I will start watching a movie and realize I have just recently watched it. I have to plan out everything in a schedule book now. I have post it notes everywhere. I have overcome the agoraphobia for the most part, but still have days where I just cannot leave the house, though they are a lot less than when I was weaning.
I get up everyday because I have a child. I appear "normal", but there is constant turmoil in my head that I cannot quiet down. I have tried meditation but I cannot get it to work. I do yoga for a lot of the physical problems I have. It has yet to extend to "mental clarity".
Aside from the above and the lemon balm, or calming teas, does anyone use anything non prescription that 1. calms them down and eases panic 2. helps ease the continuous thoughts 3. helps them sleep (aside from melatonin which I take from time to time).
*I should add that my bedroom is like a fortress, no tv,completely dark, white noise machine. I read before bed when I can.
Sorry for the length. Have a great week x
Last edited:
