Problems Displaying Sexuality?

[nathan]

hi, i was just wondering if anyone else has problems expressing there sexuality. im turning 29 on sunday and i have never had sex and have rarely kissed. its excruciating for me to be that vulnerable and to put so much trust into someone, so i have always hid my feelings and passion. i feel like a complete failure alot of the time and feel like theres something wrong with me, like maybe love, sex and relationships just arent in the cards for me. its not that i dont want to connect, its just that im scared that ill be judged harshly. i have a girl now that im interested in, and its hard for me to make the first move. even though i know she likes me too, that fear of rejection is killing me.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Nathan,

It doesn't matter how old or young you are....PTSD sucks, and so many of us have really deep trust issues. It so hard to just let down your guard.

I suggest really getting to know this person as a friend first, let yourself be the judge of when, if and how comfortable you feel to move forward. Whenever that is, and with whomever it is with....It will be special and worth the wait.

You are not a failure, you are cautious.....

Hang in there hon........

Wen

 

[nathan]

thanks wen! another question, should i tell her about my viriginity and about the ptsd. im afraid she will think im weird for it.

 

[John_R]

Hi Nathan,

I have just the opposite problem. I'm very sexual, and if there is no intimacy in my relationship I have problems with self-esteem, anger etc.

I'm a Christian, and my girlfriend is also. This topic has been a very stressful one between us as we both want to walk the walk regarding our faith.

From a man's prospective I think she will understand and value you more as a man by being honest with her. That's the most important aspect to any intimate relationship.

John

 

[nathan]

thats what i thought too, thanks so much .

 

[SeaFoam]

I have the opposite problem too.. I think something is wrong whenever she doesn't want to be intimate, and unfortunatly right now (I just started looking for help) I think the worst, and think that because she doesn't want to when I want to that she doesn't want to with me but is with someone else...

 

[madjon]

you have nothing to worry about, get to know the girl as a friend and see how things go, talk and be open and honest, it wont be a problem, and dont worry too much about 'experience' it doesnt matter if you get along, enjoy the experience when it comes along, and be happy, there is no failure here, only someone who is nervous and you have nothing to be nervous about, be friends and talk and see how things go, there is no need to do or not do anything, just take your time and relax, every man is nervous about talking to girls its a natural reaction at times, dont worry about rejection and avoid running things over in your head, just be yourself , i hope things go ok,

 

[nathan]

thanks everyone! i brought this up with my therapist today, so it will be something to work on extensively. thanks for all of the support guys.

be well,
nate

 

[Damiea]

Hi Nate.. I'm a single mom thats 29! from a female point of view from around your age.. I would say that it really wouldn't be an issue at all if the girl was looking for a long term relationship. By the time we get near 30 we are so sick of the guys that are out looking only for sex! I would say that finding a guy that has never had an experiance would be more desirable because we tend to want dependablity and security in a relationship rather then something physical and short term. Hope that helps reasure you that its not something you need to worry about in any relationship your interested in! I would also say if the girl does find that undesirable then she isn't looking for the same thing in a relationship as you are!

 

[Lisa]

Hi Nathan.

I steer clear of relationships, intimacy, and most definitely sex. Generally I don't trust easily at all.

But I agree with Damiea on the female perspective front. Girl's appreciate a man who is not trying to portray himself as (or plain just BE) a sex machine! It can be intimidating to us sometimes... Sex is such a huge focus in relationships (or it is portrayed to be in society), but in reality with the ones that work...happiness and love is not founded on sex. At least, this is what I have been told!

 

[Damiea]

lol I remember when I was younger and even though the guy said he was interested in me and not the sex and all that nice talk.. I would make a point to test them right off the bat. Kissed and showed I was interested and all but when they went for more say no not yet and bla bla bla.. if they got pissy or left right after that and went looking for another girl to "chat" with then I knew without a question he wasn't worth my time.

 

[Deleted member 487]

I steer clear of sex primarily for religious reasons. I also avoid it for emotional reasons because I find it very difficult to "cut off" any emotion with sex. Maybe some guys can go out and get laid and not feel an emotional attachment, but I can't without hurting myself emotionally.

Honestly, if I'm going to get laid and want no emotions tied to it, I'll just masterbate instead. No chance of getting any girls pregnant and no STDs. When I have sex "without emotion", it feels like I'm tearing a apart out of my heart.