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Ptsd as debilitating

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because my illness is not visible, than it can't be that bad
That is the #1 problem of mental health and the main cause of its stigma. You aren't dreaming that one up... its real, and its in nearly everyone who hasn't felt mental health debilitate them. You can't understand what you don't know. You can empathise, you can imagine, but unless you have experienced it, you can't understand it.
 
He also has a really hard time spending money "unnecessarily" - which is how he would see food delivery, maid service, etc.

Guys all think this way. When the marriage is over they never equate it to these services either. Friday made and excellent post of services. I was going to say nanny and maid service. I know it sounds expensive, but maybe start out part time. He needs to go back to therapy. One of things that really screwed me up in life, was doing the math from 5:00 p.m.- 10:00 pm. The hours don't get different from one day to the next. Cleaning service, number one and three-four hours on the weekend. Schools out now too.

Comparing PTSD to cancer is juvenile to me. That just tells me someone is tired.

^ 3 or four hours on the weekend ( nanny)
 
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No, I don't really relate. To me it's just another adversity to deal with and maybe improve if not overcome. I agree with considering that your spouse may be feeling the pressure of an unequal partnership however much his words and attitude may make you feel. I know my own spouse went through that... but for my part, I redoubled my efforts to improve and take back responsibility for the well being of my partner and our marriage.

It was a motivator, and a signal from my spouse that he was over burdened... not character assassination. I had to evaluate and examine his perspective/position and my own... end endeavor to initiate change/improvements because I valued him and the relationship.

To be fair though I don't handle being "ill" well either.
 
I really appreciate everyone's responses. I did recognize that neither of us were fighting fair. I did try to talk with him yesterday - to apologize and ask what he needs in order to feel supported. It is hard - as I can't really support him in some of the ways that he needs it, just by the nature of me being "the cause" - for lack of a better way to say it. I do wish that he was still pursuing therapy, but I can't make him.
 
Guys all think this way. When the marriage is over they never equate it to these services either. Friday made and excellent post of services. I was going to say nanny and maid service. I know it sounds expensive, but maybe start out part time

I have an issue spending money on things I need let alone unnecessarly. "Maid services" can be a friend, family, neighbor looking for a few extra bucks. One of my neighbors (whom is now not a neighbor) used to wash and clean one of our cars inside and out or our house for 20 bucks. More if we wanted her to do more. A huge help for us as none of us have a physical abilty to clean the house or cars. But she did it way cheaper then a maid service would.

Same goes for a "nanny". Start with a babysitter, friend, family member, etc, that can help with the kids. Many will do it for free or way little money.

Also, teaching children independant play is very important for being a PTSD parent. Learning from vloggers I watch whom has PTSD and a mom of two, a year old and a 2 year old. She knows she can leave them in the lovingroom or put them in their rooms and not only is it safe as it's all baby proof but they can play alone. So she can have her down time or even a melt down and the children remain safe and fully unaware.

I just feel the burden in that - and because my illness is not visible, than it can't be that bad. I am sure I am projecting some of that on to him as well.

You could be. I have the thought patterns that it can't be that bad as well, but if you stand back and look at it, it can be that bad.

You can't understand what you don't know. You can empathise, you can imagine, but unless you have experienced it, you can't understand it.

I agree with this 100%! I can explain it until I am blue in the face and non-PTSD people in my life just cannot fully "get it" as they have never felt it. And some things I just cannot explain no matter how hard I try. But, I think, the closest to understanding PTSD is to research it, read about it, watch videos about it and to understand what issues can be caused by PTSD and what issues are present for you and in your relationship.

You can't force him into therapy but you can make it known how important it is to you and to your relationship. Is he open to at least research it right now? Maybe he will be open to therapy after a while of researching PTSD?

But, on another note, you can't force him to understand. Maybe speak to your therapist about boundries to keep you and your emotions safe and ways to change yourself within the relationship that would help? I appologize if I missed it but have you spoken to your therapist about this and how to proceed inside the relationship assuming he remains ignorant of PTSD?
 
It's very hard when overwhelmed or exhausted to state what you need. I think meeting the need, somehow, lessens it, no need to ask as much 'how' sometimes, if possible find some way to 'do', just like @Friday said, 1000 likes to her post IMHO.

Ps, and give yourself credit @mrsMegan for what you do do, and know that I'm sure he loves you too. :hug:
 
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I don't believe personally in conscripting services for my life choices... I stretch, grow, buck up and endure a whole lot of the time more than I think I can.
 
I have an issue spending money on things I need let alone unnecessarly. "Maid services" can be a friend, family, neighbor looking for a few extra bucks. One of my neighbors (whom is now not a neighbor) used to wash and clean one of our cars inside and out or our house for 20 bucks. More if we wanted her to do more. A huge help for us as none of us have a physical abilty to clean the house or cars. But she did it way cheaper then a maid service would.

ame goes for a "nanny". Start with a babysitter, friend, family member, etc, that can help with the kids. Many will do it for free or way little money.

I've been in the business for a long time. Or should I say, since Nicholas Cage starred in "Face Off". The last thing anyone wants to do is mix friendship with money. It doesn't work in today's world. I guarantee when your friend brakes her ankle in your house, you'll start getting a few bills for it. Also, when your late grandfathers silk-tie goes messing or the handles on the tube are just gone.. you'll have to spend the extra money anyway.
 
I really appreciate everyone's responses. I did recognize that neither of us were fighting fair. I did try to talk with him yesterday - to apologize and ask what he needs in order to feel supported. It is hard - as I can't really support him in some of the ways that he needs it, just by the nature of me being "the cause" - for lack of a better way to say it. I do wish that he was still pursuing therapy, but I can't make him.

Yeah, that's me too. But realize, this will crop-up again. I almost hate being diagnosed with PTSD. The thing is I've had it for 50 years and I can mask it. ( I was diagnosed this year, take meds, yada, yada) MY therapist doesn't even know where to start with me. ( I've seen him 4 times) but you are definitely doing something , I can't. Especially if you are in close quarters with each other. I don't like a guy in my space. I should though and I'm working on that ( not too hard at the moment- ;))
 
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