- Moderator
- #13
Sweetpea76
VIP Member
@emz315 , I'm going approach this as a supporter, and give you some advice that focuses on you.
Hon, nobody can know the answers to these questions but him. You are going to drive yourself crazy trying to figure out what he is thinking.
Firstly, as a supporter, you really really really do have to take care of your own sanity first. I cannot stress this enough. You cannot help him, fix him, or make him feel better. You cannot have a relationship by yourself, he has to be there too. He is not worried about taking care of you right now, He can't be... he is worried about his own mental health. That is your cue to take care of yourself. Who is going to take care of you if you don't do it?
Secondly, if you're worrying so much that you are constantly putting his emotional needs before your own, it is very codependent. It is not good for either of you. In healthy relationships there are times when one partner needs all the support and attention, but it is not CONSTANTLY, and not always the same partner. Healthy partners give and take. The state he is in right now, it does not sound as if he can give. Whether this is permanent or not remains to be seen. Eventually though, if you want a relationship to work with him, he is going to have to be able to participate in the relationship. There is a difference between fighting and not giving up, and being totally codependent. It's a line that we as supporters have to learn.
Thirdly... when you are around him and filled with all this anxiety over trying to interpret what he says and what he does, you are going to give him anxiety and exacerbate the situation.
I'm not trying to be mean or sound harsh... just trying to pass on some wisdom that we have all had to learn the hard way. There were times when I used to do the same thing. It's instinct when your loving partner just does a 360 turn. It's confusing as all-git-out, and you start trying to make sense of it anyway you can by interpreting every little thing they say, or looking for signs. Talking to other supporters on here helped me figure out that I was not going to accomplish anything but eventually making myself batshit crazy.
If you want my advice, I would take a step back, take a deep breath and believe what he tells you. If he has agreed to still see you on the weekends, just take it as that. He wants to see you still, but cannot handle a full relationship right now. Casual may be all he can do. He may want more when he feels better, he may not. He may feel less pressure being casual... who knows? It's worth a try to find out though.
Hon, nobody can know the answers to these questions but him. You are going to drive yourself crazy trying to figure out what he is thinking.
Firstly, as a supporter, you really really really do have to take care of your own sanity first. I cannot stress this enough. You cannot help him, fix him, or make him feel better. You cannot have a relationship by yourself, he has to be there too. He is not worried about taking care of you right now, He can't be... he is worried about his own mental health. That is your cue to take care of yourself. Who is going to take care of you if you don't do it?
Secondly, if you're worrying so much that you are constantly putting his emotional needs before your own, it is very codependent. It is not good for either of you. In healthy relationships there are times when one partner needs all the support and attention, but it is not CONSTANTLY, and not always the same partner. Healthy partners give and take. The state he is in right now, it does not sound as if he can give. Whether this is permanent or not remains to be seen. Eventually though, if you want a relationship to work with him, he is going to have to be able to participate in the relationship. There is a difference between fighting and not giving up, and being totally codependent. It's a line that we as supporters have to learn.
Thirdly... when you are around him and filled with all this anxiety over trying to interpret what he says and what he does, you are going to give him anxiety and exacerbate the situation.
I'm not trying to be mean or sound harsh... just trying to pass on some wisdom that we have all had to learn the hard way. There were times when I used to do the same thing. It's instinct when your loving partner just does a 360 turn. It's confusing as all-git-out, and you start trying to make sense of it anyway you can by interpreting every little thing they say, or looking for signs. Talking to other supporters on here helped me figure out that I was not going to accomplish anything but eventually making myself batshit crazy.
If you want my advice, I would take a step back, take a deep breath and believe what he tells you. If he has agreed to still see you on the weekends, just take it as that. He wants to see you still, but cannot handle a full relationship right now. Casual may be all he can do. He may want more when he feels better, he may not. He may feel less pressure being casual... who knows? It's worth a try to find out though.
