Ran Into My Abuser, It Caught Me By Surprise!

[Sterre]

Just a half hour ago I ran into my abuser ( stepfather), by surprise.

Although he lives in a city near to mine, I never run into him. I was not prepared. I froze. I felt scared, and angered, and confused at what to do.

Now I feel like I missed out on a opportunity to make him bleed and pay for what he has done to me and my sister. I feel I missed out on the opportunity to make him aware of my anger, and the wrongdoings he has done.

I want to hurt him so badly. Why did I miss out on this perfect opportunity?

Now he still doesnt know about what he has done, and how I feel and think about him.

I feel regret that I did not run after him to yell at him and to fight with him. I want to make him bleed so badly, I want him to be so scared of me, that he shivers. Instead I just froze, turned blank and walked on.
Damn!

 

[Meadowsweet]

(((Sterre))) that must have been hard to see him so unexpectedly. I understand the anger and wanting him to feel how you felt.

Be kind to yourself, you're worth it.

 

[Heather]

((((((((Sterre))))))))) A couple of years ago I saw my brother-in-law in a parking lot (he sexually assaulted me several years ago). I did the EXACT same thing, froze like a deer caught in headlights.

Later, I was so angry with myself because I didn't "out" him for the scumbag that he truly is. Be kind to yourself. These situations are NOT easy and in the moment a person doesn't always no how to react. I didn't.

HUGS. Heather

 

[Phoenix_Rising]

I agree, sterre.... (HUGS) if you want them. I would probably do the same thing in the same situation. And I'd likely be a wreck, following it. It's pretty hard to deal with a situation like that at the best of times--when you are unprepared, in shock, and going through the beginnings--or in the middle of--an emotional tornado inside, it's difficult if not impossible to engage your thinking brain and assertiveness skills.

Had you engaged him, you have no idea what he would say, how that in turn would affect you. You could be worse off right now, or you COULD have gotten so enraged and triggered that you did attack him (not that the SOB doesn't deserve it) but then that would get turned around on you, once again. Been there done that, it makes it sooo easy for them to turn around and go "see? You're mentally unbalanced (or whatever) just like I have always said..." Then they turn around and go POOR ME, look what I have to deal with. :mad:

Better to engage him on YOUR timetable, when YOU are ready. Then you get to decide how it goes, and you are ready for whatever crap he tries to throw back at you. Sorry you had to experience that, sterre, but please don't be hard on yourself about it, that isn't your fault, it's just a normal response to a very traumatic situation. :inlove:

 

[NIKI]

I would have frozen too if caught by surprise.

Maybe you could write him a letter to get out all your anger. Take your time with it so you don't forget anything. That's what I did with my father. I had expected him to tear up the letter but I have heard from family that he keep the letter and it changed him.

(((Hugs)))