General Rant and complain thread open to all supporters

[HisWife22]

f*ck this. All of it.

The cup thing makes sense. It does. But why the f*ck does he get to wake up with his cup already overflowing??

Had a great night last night. Movies, food, a Friday night cocktail, some adult time. Wonderful. No symptoms. Slept in this morning.

He wanted a little morning nookie. Sorry, lol, tmi. I didn't, cuz that cocktail hits harder in the morning in my late 40s than it did in my 20s. No biggie, we snuggle, then get up and get on with the day.

Ran out to the grocery store for a couple things. Came home, thinking all is well. Walk in and I can just sense that he's symptomatic all of the sudden. It's like the very air feels different and I just know. Does that make sense? Does anyone else feel that, like a switch flips and BAM, issues?

He's in the kitchen. I put the groceries away and he makes some flippant comment that I don't remember right now cuz I'm angry. I say "what's wrong?" And he replies "I dunno, maybe u should've put out". Um WHAT??

So, this flip of personality into instant anger and hurtful comments is sortof his hallmark of his PTSD. It seems to do that first and then he isolates until he can calm down. No clue what set it off this morning, but here it is.

But God dammit. Maybe one of these days I'll figure out how to NOT react when he's being a douchebag. But that comment pissed me off. So I say whatever, let me know when you're sorry. And I walk away.

Well, apparently that was the wrong thing to say or do cuz he goes slamming into the bedroom all pissed off. Problem was, I needed something from the bedroom. So I go in there to get it and it was like I breached his personal hideout. It was all get the hell away from me and get out of here yada yada. So I grab the thing and leave.

He went from loving and fine to asshole in 0.4 nanoseconds. And I know he's in there doing his thing he does to get control of whatever triggered him this morning. And he'll come out in a few minutes or few hours and apologize and he'll mean it.

But I'm pissed. And I'm annoyed that this goddamn illness is always about HIM and HIS feelings. What about mine??? How come I can't isolate and shut out the world and get away from it all? He gets to just be in there and I'm out here handling the dogs and the kid and the groceries and the laundry etc etc.

It's just crap. I can't act like that and get away with it.

Rant over.

 

[Livinginhope]

f*ck this. All of it.

The cup thing makes sense. It does. But why the f*ck does he get to wake up with his cup already overflowing??

Had a great night last night. Movies, food, a Friday night cocktail, some adult time. Wonderful. No symptoms. Slept in this morning.

He wanted a little morning nookie. Sorry, lol, tmi. I didn't, cuz that cocktail hits harder in the morning in my late 40s than it did in my 20s. No biggie, we snuggle, then get up and get on with the day.

Ran out to the grocery store for a couple things. Came home, thinking all is well. Walk in and I can just sense that he's symptomatic all of the sudden. It's like the very air feels different and I just know. Does that make sense? Does anyone else feel that, like a switch flips and BAM, issues?

He's in the kitchen. I put the groceries away and he makes some flippant comment that I don't remember right now cuz I'm angry. I say "what's wrong?" And he replies "I dunno, maybe u should've put out". Um WHAT??

So, this flip of personality into instant anger and hurtful comments is sortof his hallmark of his PTSD. It seems to do that first and then he isolates until he can calm down. No clue what set it off this morning, but here it is.

But God dammit. Maybe one of these days I'll figure out how to NOT react when he's being a douchebag. But that comment pissed me off. So I say whatever, let me know when you're sorry. And I walk away.

Well, apparently that was the wrong thing to say or do cuz he goes slamming into the bedroom all pissed off. Problem was, I needed something from the bedroom. So I go in there to get it and it was like I breached his personal hideout. It was all get the hell away from me and get out of here yada yada. So I grab the thing and leave.

He went from loving and fine to asshole in 0.4 nanoseconds. And I know he's in there doing his thing he does to get control of whatever triggered him this morning. And he'll come out in a few minutes or few hours and apologize and he'll mean it.

But I'm pissed. And I'm annoyed that this goddamn illness is always about HIM and HIS feelings. What about mine??? How come I can't isolate and shut out the world and get away from it all? He gets to just be in there and I'm out here handling the dogs and the kid and the groceries and the laundry etc etc.

It's just crap. I can't act like that and get away with it.

Rant over.

Yep, I can see why that sucks. It is a one-way street most of the time, isn't it? And it is just crap. I was told a week ago, out of the blue after we we'd finally been intimate (tmi too ) for the first time in 2.5 years (down to his 'issues' not mine) that he never said he wanted a relationship! WTAF?! Er, what the f**k have we been doing then? Something shifted for him and now it looks like we're done. But wouldn't it just once be nice to know what the f**k actually happened? Not just be told that's how THEY feel, and not what THEY want right now, yadda yadda yadda. So, I TOTALLY get and share your rant!

 

[HisWife22]

Yep, I can see why that sucks. It is a one-way street most of the time, isn't it? And it is just crap. I was told a week ago, out of the blue after we we'd finally been intimate (tmi too ) for the first time in 2.5 years (down to his 'issues' not mine) that he never said he wanted a relationship! WTAF?! Er, what the f**k have we been doing then? Something shifted for him and now it looks like we're done. But wouldn't it just once be nice to know what the f**k actually happened? Not just be told that's how THEY feel, and not what THEY want right now, yadda yadda yadda. So, I TOTALLY get and share your rant!

I saw that in another thread, and I'm so sorry you're dealing with that. I can't believe it happened right after your first intimacy! Not gonna lie, I don't know how I would handle that. It just feels so deeply personal, and how in the world can you NOT connect the two?

Makes my little rant feel pretty silly, actually lol. Even if he IS still hiding away, sulking in there. I'm still pissed. And generally annoyed because ONCE AGAIN, our plans for the day are ruined cuz he isn't ok. And.... then I feel guilty cuz its not like he WANTED to get PTSD. Ugh, what a circle.

But at least we're still together, even if I want to kick his ass right now.

I can't imagine how you and others that post here where their sufferer just dumps them out of the blue like that are feeling. I hope you're OK and taking care of yourself in this time.

 

[Livinginhope]

I saw that in another thread, and I'm so sorry you're dealing with that. I can't believe it happened right after your first intimacy! Not gonna lie, I don't know how I would handle that. It just feels so deeply personal, and how in the world can you NOT connect the two?

Makes my little rant feel pretty silly, actually lol. Even if he IS still hiding away, sulking in there. I'm still pissed. And generally annoyed because ONCE AGAIN, our plans for the day are ruined cuz he isn't ok. And.... then I feel guilty cuz its not like he WANTED to get PTSD. Ugh, what a circle.

But at least we're still together, even if I want to kick his ass right now.

I can't imagine how you and others that post here where their sufferer just dumps them out of the blue like that are feeling. I hope you're OK and taking care of yourself in this time.

Ah thank you. I really appreciate your kindness. I'm not going to lie, it hurts! I definitely think the two are linked but he says not. He also lost his lovely mum a few months ago, so I know he's deep in crappola at the moment, but cutting me off at the knees ain't gonna help! But there's nothing I can do. So I've left with dignity and kindness, and have been drowning my poor best friend in tears! In the long run, he has to be honest with himself, get proper help, and stop crapping on the very few people left who love him. And I may be long gone by then.

But you still deserve every word of your rant! And then some Yes, your guy is still there, shut in the bedroom, but it's still crap for you and so TOTALLY frustrating!! I hope your day improves, and so does his mood Thanks for your kind words x

 

[HisWife22]

Just my day to hang out here, I guess.

He finally emerged. But in the 10 minutes we interacted, every single thing I said or did was wrong. Now he's going for a drive (his other way of isolating).

Guess I'll cancel our evening plans and settle in with a pizza. Not that that's bad. I love pizza. So there's that.

Wish I knew what set him off. I honestly think he's really been struggling all week with the Uvalde thing. He never had to respond to something on that scale, but he certainly had many many situations involving kids. Things like this happen, and he seems to get pulled back into a dark place for a period of time. He avoids the news and social media etc with an almost militant precision, solely so he can avoid hearing terrible things that take him back to all those runs. But it was simply impossible this week to avoid.

So maybe it's from that. He held it together well last night, but it seems that was just too much. His cup is overflowing.

He DID make a point to tell me before he left that it wasn't anything I said or did. And then got upset because I decided to remind him that I know that but that it still affects those around him.

Anyway. Time to finish binge watching Downton Abbey so I can see the new movie.

 

[HisWife22]

I'll end my obsession with this thread tonight with this:

If you're a supporter, and you've found yourself perusing these threads because you can't quite figure out what you've done wrong....

Go find the threat titled "What are they thinking". It started in 2017, but that's ok. Its amazingly relevant. And I'll bet you find yourself, as I did, reading it from beginning to end (I'm currently somewhere in 2018).

He isolated all day. Came back from his ridiculously long drive for no reason at about 9pm. Then it seemed he expected some type of date night repeat? Good lord. No. You asshole. I've been on pins and needles all damn day. The last thing I can do is flip a switch and suddenly be ok.

I explained that to him. Weirdly, he listened. We kissed and he's off to bed and I'm off to couch lol. And that's ok. I need time to process and not be at his beck and call.

This is hard, you guys.

Sufferers? Just know we love u. But it sucks. It's hard. We feel at fault. We feel useless. We try and try and try and yet we'll never be enough.

Secondary PTSD is a thing. It needs more attention.

 

[Freida]

Sufferers? Just know we love u. But it sucks. It's hard. We feel at fault. We feel useless. We try and try and try and yet we'll never be enough.

So....here's the thing.
Having ptsd does NOT give us the right to be asshats. Yes, we can get there once in a while but we don't get to get stuck there and blame it on ptsd.

It's ok to call us out on our behavior.
It's ok to walk away from our crap
It's ok to not put up with abuse.

I've learned so much here from the supporters that I didn't know before coming to this forum, and some of it has just floored me. Truly, I don't know how y'all do it sometimes

What I do know is that if we want to keep our supporters in our lives we have to not be asshats all the time
Once in a while is ok - that's ptsd
All the time abusive? Nope. That's just being an ass and blaming ptsd to get away with it.

Just sayin....

 

[Friday]

I refuse to climb Mount Molehill, today.

I refuse to apologize for what you’ve decided my motivations were, when I know what my motivations were, and you. are. wrong.

Brick wall. Bang head.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Ain’t it a bitch when they know everything? It must be exhausting.

 

[HisWife22]

I'm so f*cking sick of this. I get it ok?????? I get that u have this f*cking injury to the brain and so it's always got to be ME to pick up the pieces, glue back together the door panel u broke, handle all the details of life and if I DARE f*cking question what u spent $100 on today when u can't work anymore and I'm doing all I can to keep the bills paid on our now single income from me working full time cuz OF COURSE ptsd isn't really real so we have to fight like we're climbing Mount everest to get any kind of disability even tho his doctors have said he probably will never go back to the career that defined him and oh by the way f*ck U UNIVERSE that decided NOW would be a good time to give him crippling carpal tunnel so while he's already feeling completely useless from ptsd he now can't even help with ANYTHING so he's spiraling bad. Also, f*ck periods, both the female kind and the sentence kind.

And I'm a convenient and only target for his rage about life.

And it'll all be better and I'm so f*cking sorry tomorrow. Just about the time I start processing my emotions from the shitstorm today, he'll be over it and any attempt on my part to just feel and deal will be met with another spiral if I dare try to express how this all f*cking makes me feel.

So I came here. I don't come here often enough, but at least I know it's here. It helps me to type all this out. That's weird.

 

[Joenot1368]

I'm so f*cking sick of this. I get it ok?????? I get that u have this f*cking injury to the brain and so it's always got to be ME to pick up the pieces, glue back together the door panel u broke, handle all the details of life and if I DARE f*cking question what u spent $100 on today when u can't work anymore and I'm doing all I can to keep the bills paid on our now single income from me working full time cuz OF COURSE ptsd isn't really real so we have to fight like we're climbing Mount everest to get any kind of disability even tho his doctors have said he probably will never go back to the career that defined him and oh by the way f*ck U UNIVERSE that decided NOW would be a good time to give him crippling carpal tunnel so while he's already feeling completely useless from ptsd he now can't even help with ANYTHING so he's spiraling bad. Also, f*ck periods, both the female kind and the sentence kind.

And I'm a convenient and only target for his rage about life.

And it'll all be better and I'm so f*cking sorry tomorrow. Just about the time I start processing my emotions from the shitstorm today, he'll be over it and any attempt on my part to just feel and deal will be met with another spiral if I dare try to express how this all f*cking makes me feel.

So I came here. I don't come here often enough, but at least I know it's here. It helps me to type all this out. That's weird.

You speak words many of us think to ourselves almost every day. Thanks for the sharing

 

[Sweetpea76]

At this point in time he can blow his PTSD straight out his ass. I’m on a coffee break for the rest of the weekend.