Just prior to Christmas 2012, I had a panic attack. At the time, I was in a relationship with my boyfriend; we planned to move in together this year and try for a baby. We're both in our late 30s. I'd become worked up because I had some reason to believe that my boyfriend may have cheated on me with a platonic female friend (he didn't!). I was teary and asked to speak to his mother who inadvertently let me know that he was with this friend without my knowledge the day before. I had an almost identical situation occur during my former marriage to an abusive partner.
I felt like the floor dropped out from under me. I was instantly both devastated my current relationship and catapulted back in time as well. My boyfriend came into the small room and tried to put his arms around me. I can't recall what happened after that. Except I believe I ran out the front door and up the street, he chased me and I started yelling at him and cursing him. He told me later I was clenching and unclenching my hands. I've never done anything like that before in my life and three months later I am still hating myself for it.
The day after my boyfriend withdrew from the relationship and said he couldn't see me for a fortnight. His mother uninvited my son and I for Christmas, and banned me from the family home. I wrote a letter of apology and explanation to his parents to no avail. A few weeks' later the relationship ended. He's since told me that his family lost all respect for me on that day. They think I am abusive and have a bad temper.
I am devastated, embarrassed, and feel entirely misunderstood. I've experienced incredible emotional pain. I know I can't control what another person thinks of me. I understand that I have triggered some fears in my boyfriend's mother and she is setting what she believes are appropriate boundaries around her family and home.
I don't know what else I can do to repair the situation. And I don't know how to let it go and move forward either. It just seems so desperately unfair. And now, unfortunately, my ex-boyfriend is extremely ill and needs my friendship more than ever. I can't visit him as he is living at home. And I find it hard not to get emotional when I speak to him because I can't cope with the idea of his family hating me.
What can I do?
I felt like the floor dropped out from under me. I was instantly both devastated my current relationship and catapulted back in time as well. My boyfriend came into the small room and tried to put his arms around me. I can't recall what happened after that. Except I believe I ran out the front door and up the street, he chased me and I started yelling at him and cursing him. He told me later I was clenching and unclenching my hands. I've never done anything like that before in my life and three months later I am still hating myself for it.
The day after my boyfriend withdrew from the relationship and said he couldn't see me for a fortnight. His mother uninvited my son and I for Christmas, and banned me from the family home. I wrote a letter of apology and explanation to his parents to no avail. A few weeks' later the relationship ended. He's since told me that his family lost all respect for me on that day. They think I am abusive and have a bad temper.
I am devastated, embarrassed, and feel entirely misunderstood. I've experienced incredible emotional pain. I know I can't control what another person thinks of me. I understand that I have triggered some fears in my boyfriend's mother and she is setting what she believes are appropriate boundaries around her family and home.
I don't know what else I can do to repair the situation. And I don't know how to let it go and move forward either. It just seems so desperately unfair. And now, unfortunately, my ex-boyfriend is extremely ill and needs my friendship more than ever. I can't visit him as he is living at home. And I find it hard not to get emotional when I speak to him because I can't cope with the idea of his family hating me.
What can I do?
