General Rough Day Today

[Steph_F]

Whats the matter
Are you ok
Do you need anything
do you want me to do that.........

all phrases I am sick of hearing myself say,each time I blurt them out I end up thinking "you patronising cow he must be fed up with these phrases,day in ,day out...stfu" and then half an hour or so later i'll be asking one of them again.....Grrrr I guess on those isolation days we just dont know what to say for the best sometimes so we revert to our tried and tested "safe lines" trouble is with too much repetition they just sound trite,yet to just leave them brooding all day and not speak to them would come across as us not giving a hoot.......I for one need some new "safe lines"...

Ya know what?? I think this is a great topic to share with our Veteran friends on here. I mean, they are ones that isolate and could probably give us the best feedback. I hope you don't mind me re-posting this where they can all see it.

It's hard to just be present without offering words, isn't it?? I am a talker and my thoughts untangle themselves as a say them outloud so its natural that I think that would help everyone. Its such a strange concept to me to "go away and figure things out on my own", which I think most men do, whether they have PTSD for not.

I wish I was a better help to you, I know what you are talking about, but my mind is drawing a blank. One thing I know NOT to do, is yell "knock it the F*** off and come back to me already"...um...that absolutely does not work! haha!

 

[wife of]

um,yes I can see how that would most deffo not work,I can be a prize winning tactless motormouth sometimes but that ones not likely to appear in my repetoir........lol

 

[Steph_F]

Augh! I am feeling so alone again and it sucks!! M is my best friend and we have been doing so well and getting closer and closer and them BAM! I screwed with my money, told him about it and now he's so angry and disappointed in me. Told me that maybe he would be better off with someone more responsible. :( I am trying to fix everything as fast as you can, but I can only make money one day at a time, ya know??

My family sucks sometime, they don't support our relationship so I can't talk to my mom or sister and I don't really have any friends that don't judge him for the way he treated me when we had our big break last fall. Its so frustrating because if he had another medical condition like epilepsy and had a seizure and in thrashing around he bumped me and I got a bloody nose-- No one would be mad at him for that. But when PTSD clutches at him and he lashes out at me, no one understands. I know there is a big difference there (btw M has NEVER laid a hand on me) but both are medical conditions that can lead to uncontrollable and yucky side effects.

I don't know if this silent treatment I am getting all week is numbing and isolation or if he's really pissed about the money thing or if he really is just so busy and tired from work or if this is a mental game that I was warned by his ex that he likes to play ... or if I am just over-thinking/analyzing/worrying. Maybe its me...

But whatever it is, I'm bummed out and I hate this time of the month, I swear the week before "it" starts I get so crazy in my head, I can't hardly stand myself, I'm fragile and weak and clingy, needy, weepy, up and down in a flash and everything that is totally incompatible with PTSD and a soldier that doesn't handle change and stress in his personal life very well.

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THERE!! cyber temper tantrum!!! grrrr!!

 

[wife of]

snarfnfarfnblooterinfeclinfarfles......and \I'll raise you a gluterinsnarferindutserinpeckly!!! lol

 

[Steph_F]

hmmmm, I would call your bluff, but yours actaully can be read outloud! and its funny as heck sounding said outloud! haha!

 

[Mockingbird13]

Steph,

This is a struggle I have had also - I feel like my happiness and up beat spirit is like the kiss of death. I often feel punished, because I can show emotion and be happy, and he couldn't that this is just another point that pushed us more and more apart. ....Does this make sense ?

 

[Steph_F]

Yup, makes prefect sense, hon. It's hard not to mirror his emotions, or lack there of sometimes.