Scared Of Beginning Again To Discuss Abuse In Therapy

[twodogen]

Orginially when I started was around 17 years ago, but then got a job/career and limited my hard work to when I had time off. However, now that I'm on long term disability (max of 2 years) due to PTSD, now is the time. I'm scared though b/c I use to throw up in session, black out and just walk out and that was with a therapist I had lots of previous connections with and really trusted. Now I'm with a therapist that specializes in DBT (dialectial behavior therapy) which will teach me skills on how to handle intruvise thoughts and self-harming thought. I've only been with her for a year and I've had 4 major physical illnesses and a broken leg so we've dealt with those things. I live alone and don't really put myself out there unless I'm working, so I don't have much people contact except for medical appts and therapy appts. I do have a dog, but she is not as cuddly as my last dog was. I'm hoping this forum is helpful for me. Happy New Year to all.

 

[patrick]

I hope the forum is helpful to you, too. I know it has been for me. Being scared to face your trauma, in therapy or otherwise, is what PTSD is all about I think. And yet it seems like it's the thing that has to be done. If your therapist is worth his/her salt, they've seen all kinds of behavior from their clients. I hope you can find the strength to take just enough risk to see what is possible. Good luck to you.

 

[fin]

Happy New Year to you twodogen

you know throwing up in therapy isnt so bad!...yeah I know maybe that wasnt what you might have been expecting and I know that it probably is pretty bad; but if you can say thats not so bad then maybe it will calm that bit of it. I sit with a bin next to me now as I was triggered in an assessment and while I made it to the toilet it still wasnt fun.
The walking out bit isnt too good perhaps you can voice these concerns at the begining and your therapist can work through some of this with you before you start on the heavier stuff
The therapy is what will help... And here; people here have a lot of collective understanding and experience

Welcome and Hoping this is your year twodogen

 

[Luthien]

Again, patrick hits the nail on the head. He's a pretty wise person.

Hi, twodogen. Welcome to the forum, and good luck with your journey. I hope you are able to find help and support here as well. I found that when I opened up, and reached out, the support, advice, and connection just poured out from the members on here.

I know it is scary, but you'll see the rewards when you get more acquainted with the forum, and the members.

We are all going through this, we all understand the feelings, the pain, the symptoms. Sometimes just knowing that helps, but I've also found people have a lot to share on here. Especially if you ask them for it.

I hope your therapy goes well. Try not to be too scared of the feelings that will come out. They need to be released.

You're not alone.

 

[Deleted member 541]

With most things in life, there is the good and the bad. Therapy is somewhat similar... In order to get better, you will most likely feel like crap first. You will be dragging up stuff that you probably just want to forget, but the fact is, that with PTSD, you just can't ignore what happened to you. You can't, it rears it's ugly head at times, and reminds us, of what we went through.

By facing your trauma, and the feelings that you had then, and now, you will get better. Sick first, but it will get better......Hang in there, and never give up on yourself....

 

[SammyKline]

i'm at the same point.

starting to talk to people for the first time and not really succeeding yet. it's very difficult.

one thing is that by talking about my SO's ptsd with my friends i am able to subtly let them know that i also have it. some of them are catching on.

it's weird cause people don't really understand it. many seem to think that this is something soldiers get but that's it. and that it must go away after a while by itself.

talking with certain friends is really helping me. it also brings us closer together, potentially. i am also meeting new people and trying to talk about it right away.. meaning, allude to it via my GF.

strangely with my GF the topic has become taboo and she is insisting that she's fine or at least stable (after telling me all about her abuse as a child and her strong of bad relationships that have followed it, the ptsd, the panic, not eating enough, other risky behaviors etc etc)..

 

[Tinyflame]

Sammy,

Just a "bit of a guess" but from what you said your SO (despite everything) probably is feeling a bit better because the very fact she can/ has told you these things, and that she is able to be honest and have you accept her "as is" is a wonderful gift for and to her, that can open the door to much healing.

Good luck to you both!

 

[Mercy]

Dear Twodogen,
You are right. Therapy can be hard to face, especially in the beginning. I think actually throwing up can show you how much suffering you are really feeling. Maybe, bringing an airsick bag or some like thing will ease your fear and keep you able to be in the room. You therapist has seen it all before so you don't have fear falling short of her expectations.

I found that those types of physical responses lessened a lot as I was able to tell more of the facts of about what happened to me. Even when those facts were blurry and incomplete, the physical stuff subsided slowly. I still disassociate but that's normal for me.

Please keep trying. Getting your life back is the victory.