Beginning Again

[OceanSpray]

Dutton but I’d add they can’t spend more than a set amount, even the playing field.

Ya, they’d have a mid range hotel, food, and transportation provided for them. That’s just about it though and would be an equal amount between each candidate.

 

[OceanSpray]

Dreaming of being in a car accident should not be a thing

 

[OceanSpray]

There’s so much on my mind that I can’t quite parse out but one of the big things playing out right now is this:

As an author, I try to participate in various author spaces on social media. Now that I’m back on it anyway. Which, frankly, I’ll probably be deleting everything again because it’s insane. But Threads (Meta’s version of Twitter/X) has a pretty large community of authors, particularly romance authors like myself.

Since the results of the election, there were many who are very vocally democratic that created a list that anyone could edit and have access to of other authors that people should not patronize because they *might* have voted for Trump. Might have. Zero fact checking.

How is that rational? How is that safe? How is that not bullying? How is that not harassment? How is that being inclusive and the party who preaches accepting of everyone?

I will never like Trump for a few key things. But I’ve always stayed pretty center because I can’t go all the way to the left when everytime this is how they react. They don’t accept anyone who isn’t fully and completely in their pool and I think that’s beyond hypocritical. The problem is they don’t just not accept, they actively attack.

So many are scratching their heads wondering why Trump won when I can give you a whole list of reasons why he did inspite of his bad parts.

The 4B movement that’s sparking, I really wish they would stop and think for a minute. They are the party that repeatedly condemns others for appropriating cultures. Fair enough. But that’s exactly what they are doing with this 4B movement. This was for women who are in countries where they genuinely have little to no rights. Truly. Project 2025 is not a thing Trump is promoting or will be following. In fact, if you, again, do some research, you’ll find out that “mandate” is written for every presidency. All it is is a guideline that that organization wishes the incumbent would follow. Even for the democratic presidents. It’s separate from the actual government. It’s separate from Trump. It’s an extremists wish list nothing more.

He has gone on record multiple times that he will not be changing anything with the abortion laws because they were given to the states and will stay there. So no women’s rights will be taken. Now if the 4B movement was in solidarity of the women and girls in Iraq where they are talking about lowering the age of consent laws to 9- I’ll join right along.

He’s had gay weddings on his property, he has stated the only thing he has interest in there is in regards to children. Nothing more, nothing less.

Maybe I’ll be wrong and if I am feel free to say I told you so.

But these are things, among many others, that push people away from the Democratic Party.

 

[OceanSpray]

If anyone is concerned about being heard with the new administration, apparently Trump and RFK Jr have started a new site that they are saying they will review it quarterly. It’s apparently a place where you can submit bills and issues you’d like to see or not see. Not to defend him but it feels like the opposite of taking away rights so

 

[OceanSpray]

Gah, anxiety is at a high tonight. There’s a few reasons for it. But to top it off I had a male guest tonight who at about 1 am was asking questions about our stairways in conjunction with his room. No biggie. Except, in spite of my explaining, he wanted me to follow him into one of the stairwells. Where we have no cameras. I stayed in the doorway because my own radar was going off. He kept asking me to follow him up. I told him I can’t and gave some lame excuses that aren’t actually true but I felt really uncomfortable. I wish to hell we had a lot more cameras here but this owner is cheap as hell. I need to get another pepper spray at the very least.

 

[OceanSpray]

I’m feeling anchorless. This election is doing things to my brain and I’m not really sure about anything. Watching how destructive and angry one side is being and the resulting unity, passion, and community it’s inspiring in the other is genuinely making me crave religion again. I don’t like religion, I don’t like the history and the ideology. But I loved dressing up one day a week and gathering to listen to a sermon and meet with people. I miss being inside a chapel and singing hymns. I miss potlucks and midweek activities. I miss having a creed beyond my own morals. I miss the structure.

 

[OceanSpray]

26 hours and counting since I’ve slept. Insomnia is the best

 

[OceanSpray]

Vile TikTok Video


I get people are angry. But this is not the way to bring people to your side. Does anyone realize that? Things like this are pushing people towards Trump. You’re creating the ecosystem you say you want. I, and the people I surround myself with, say a lot of things when angry but something like this wouldn’t even cross our minds to say.

I would like to blame this on just this woman but this is far from the only horrible things being spouted. For anyone who is willing I would love to have a conversation about all of it.

 

[OceanSpray]

It’s only day 3 and I’m already very tired and over it. I like this job. I like this job. I like this job. I can’t quit like I usually do. It would be so stupid to quit. I just want an end in sight though. Only day 3 and I’m already whining. But shit trying to sleep during the day when the neighbors are blasting music for hours and people are in and out of the house and dogs keep going insane makes shit impossible.

I’m covering multiple people so right now I am working every day until who knows when. I don’t know when it will end. And tonight will be ten hours and tomorrow will be twelve hours.

I know the fact that I’m sick is what’s making this so hard already but not like I can call in to get some real rest. Can’t even get rest when I’m supposed to be able to. No, ear plugs don’t work cause it vibrates the house with the thumping. I’m a hardcore music lover but hell man. And the dogs. Jesus f*ck I love my dogs but right now I’d be happy to not have them at all.

 

[OceanSpray]

Difficult and irate guests plus sleep deprivation plus the very middle of a twelve hour shift equals a really shitty time.

It’s really fun getting yelled at by a grown man, really throws ya back to the good ol’ days.

 

[OceanSpray]

f*cked up at work and now I’m spiraling harder than I have in a long time.

 

[OceanSpray]

I did a brave, courageous, scary thing. Now there is a hurricane of emotions in me. I want to take it back so badly.

The hotel I’m working at is undergoing a renovation which is to include changing out all the wall art. So I put my photography up for consideration.

What the absolute f*ck was I thinking? I’m not good enough for that!!! That’s my predominant thought. I know objectively I’m not completely terrible because I’ve done really well in competitions. I know there is a high likelihood that my bosses will say no just because it’s not what they are looking for which I am absolutely okay with.

Actually I think I want them to reject me. Like please say no. Because if they say yes it will be full panic worse than this. I have no clue how to price something like that. Maybe I shouldn’t, I can just do it for free right since they are taking on the burden of dealing with my stuff.

Then there’s printing. What if nothing looks right? What if I fail? If they say no right off the bat then I don’t have to fail. But if they say yes then I’ll forever be the employee who had the audacity to ask and then proceeded to fail hard and now I’m a disappointment to them and maybe even stuck them with shitty work that they feel obligated to display.

Cause if they say yes, that’s all it is right? Obligatory cause I work there and they don’t want to hurt my feelings.

f*ck why did I do this? Please god say no.

So that’s a no go. General Manager loved my photos and wants them put up. Owner said no, he’s stripping all art from the whole place and will not be replacing any of it and will not look at what I gave them because “won’t be changing his mind”.

The disappointment man.