Self Compassion Challenge For Those With Illness, Complex Trauma And Child Abuse

[ms spock]

:) @Chava

 

[KwanYingirl]

Well, I think some things have to be in place first. For instance: grounded and not dissociative. Id have to have developed self awareness. Not in a selfish way, but a healed body/brain sense. Naming emotions, distress tolerance. I struggle with these skills.

I do consider myself to be a compassionate person; one with empathy for others. It did not develop from a stable home as my home was a battlefield. Yet I have always had empathy for people and animals.

If I had a blueprint or table of contents for a self compassion primer, I might make progress. I want to know what it's going to take to reach my goals.

Any day that I don't drink, or cut, or sleep away the day is a step towards loving myself. I think love and compassion describe the same state of mind.

 

[shell]

@Ms Spock when I first started on self compassion it took small steps, at those times when I was in self attack mode and was unable to be self compassionate it was simply enough to tell my self to stop the attack. Learning to treat my self as I would my best friend or my child. If I wouldn't treat friend like that, then I wouldn't treat myself like that.

What really helped me was to recognize that I had internalized my mother, it was a form of self protection which from an early age kept me from suffering even more attacks, if I was bad, unworthy etc, then I didn't have the right to express the anger and outrage I felt, and because previous history had taught me it was unsafe to do so. When I realized why I believed all these false beliefs about myself, it became so much easier to recognize what I was doing was unkind and actually hurting myself, and to approach myself in a more caring and self compassionate way.

If my child were sad, crying and hurt or felt bad would I not reach out and comfort him. Originally I found the best way for me was to journal to the child me, using dominant and non-dominant hands as I had trouble expressing emotions, and for me it felt a little removed, which made it easier to be caring and self compassionate.

Over time it has grown as I have grown within myself. I think for those of us who have been abused since a very young child this will be a very slow process, because it is undoing a life time of habits.

For me practising self compassion was what made the difference, it allowed me to move from avoiding my trauma towards processing it. It gave me the support that I was missing from my life, and helped me to ask for support from those around me. There is a big difference between self pity and self compassion.

 

[Rebecca Loud]

I have been thinking of running a Self Compassion Challenge for awhile now.

I was thinking of a 30 Day...

I would love to participate.

 

[Ivan the Elder]

I decided to slightly change my screen name. It is the same name in Russian. I started to think it maybe isn't such a good idea to use my real name for somebody in particular to google so easily.

Interesting thread and the concept is also interesting. I have been going to weekly evening meetings at my church. We are studying prayer and in particular how it is really ok to pray for yourself, not just others. There are denominations that teach you it is somehow selfish to pray for yourself and I was brought up in one. The idea of praying for your own good will is something I have not done. I have spent a lot of time trying to blame myself for my wife wanting to leave me after 44 years. And then trying to figure out what I did so wrong to get sent to a psycho ward where they tried to feed me medications with a high chance of really killing me. They nearly killed me in five different ways. At least my doctor agrees on that. But he was the one that sent me there. I have forgiven him. He somehow thought I was suicidal.

And, on that score they changed my psychiatrist to one that actually said that the med the other one was insisting I take had a high chance of giving me another stroke. It sure is rare for one doctor to criticize another. But that doesn't stop me from blaming myself for having the testosterone of an 18 year old and wanting what I can't have any more from my ex wife of 44 years. All she will tell me is that I have only been thinking of myself and never her. And yet, I have always done the best I can to help her in every possible way.

But she says I spend way too much time looking up things to do with my medical condition. She just doesn't understand that I do not want to die. Not for me, I don't want to leave her to live alone with me dead. And now with her gone all I do is try to find some way to stop loving her, but I can't. And then I start crying again. I did something wrong, very wrong it seems. Some people did such bad things to me but I don't know why. Nobody will tell me. I can only assume it must be my fault.

 

[Changing4Best]

I'm committed to doing a Christian Meditation called CENTERING PRAYER. I just wanted to share that, because I felt in some way that I could take part in this challenge, but by doing so in my own style. I will commit to doing my centering prayer for at least 20 minutes each day. I'll let you all know how it goes, OK?

 

[Ivan the Elder]

That sounds interesting. I will ask the Reverend about that. He is a really good person and he even happens to be a retired doctor. That is a very good combination for me. I also have a therapist that is highly Christian and it was me that asked him, he does not push it at all. But now we can talk on the religious plane too and that helps me a lot.

 

[ms spock]

I can only assume it must be my fault.

You might want to look at the distorted cognitions thread @Ivan the Elder - just because you feel something doesn't mean it is so.

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/name-that-distorted-cognition-thought-perception.54277/

In particular "Personalization" -- You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event which, in fact, you were not primarily responsible for.

Self compassion or loving kindness can assist with self blame. http://self-compassion.org/

 

[void]

There are 7 Guided Meditations that can be downloaded for free and 8 exercises to work through or do her...

I think you are a wonderful person, that's what I think:happy:
Thank you for this thread:happy:
You set such an excellent example to all of us...it gets noticed, you know:)

May you receive 1000x the kindness and compassion you show to others:hug:

 

[ms spock]

That is such a sweet thing to say @void. I really appreciate your kindness to me and recognition of my efforts at contributing to the forum. I am very lucky to meet such lovely people at times. I am really very lucky. I do so want to get better from my PTSD. I am working hard on it, and I figure the more you share the good stuff/potentially helpful strategies, the better the world will be for all of us. I learn a lot from other people here. I am most interested in intergenerational social change - I don't want the trauma/s to continue being handed down to the next generations.

You made my day. Thank you @void.

 

[ms spock]

@Rebecca Loud - I added you to the private message.

@SheilaKathy - do you want to check in here in this thread or be part of the private message?

 

[ms spock]

Self compassion - it is a huge one for chronic illness, Complex Trauma, child abuse, domestic violence, somatisation, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome et al. I think it is a huge one for PTSD as well. @BloomInWinter wrote about that, and she is spot on. I have so much to learn but I am more here now. I am working on my dissociation. And the dissociation and the eating won't stop until the Self Compassion is in place, but at least now I can see a way through, whereas before I was frantically running around uncertain what to do.