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Self harm in adults with ptsd

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I hair-pull and then when there's no hair left in that spot, I scratch my scalp. It's a (thankfully) very small spot and it's always the same, and I can go years without having the urge flare up. When it does, though, it seems to come out of nowhere and I can't stop no matter how hard I try. There have been times when I had upcoming haircut appointments and was like "the hairdresser will see it and know," and I still can't stop. So I come up with elaborate stories for what happened instead.
 
I and 29 and I struggle with cutting. It is something I started about a year ago when I was feeling so depressed and out of control. I guess it was my way of controlling the pain. It is something I've really struggled with emotionally as I feel so much shame in it and feel embarrassed that it is not something I did in my teens ever and now in my late 20s, I have picked up this bad habit.
 
I hit myself. & today I stabbed my thighs 4 times with a fork.
A couple months ago I punched a door so hard & so much that an ambulance had to pick me up & the hospital put me in 2 casts cos they thought I had fractured both hands from how badly mangled they looked.
My most common thing to do is punch my stomach repeatedly. & when I'm in total overwhelm I punch my head very hard over & over again.
I have other coping mechanisms like rocking, dissociation & biting my knuckles that all leave me feeling ashamed of myself like a big weirdo.
The self injury mechanisms seem to make me feel disappointed in myself but more in control at the time I guess.
I think it is all the built up rage & aggression inside that I can't seem to express in any other way.
 
I struggle with cutting...this started around april or march due to my late onset PTSD...I had never cut before this year and I am almost 30. Although, I had self harmed previously but, never really thought of it in this way...punching my arm, and digging my nails into my skin. Now that I think about it I probably struggled with some "self harm" since childhood- head banging, punching myself, etc... but I never really considered this to be self harm at the time.
 
i've struggled with self harm (cutting, blunt force, burning) since i was 11. i'm now about 30. i know my body deserves better than what i give her. but there's nothing like it. i've yet to find something as effective at discharging hatred or numbing out or really a variety of things, although i wish that were not true. i don't know if i'll ever find a healthy coping method. its very addictive.
 
I used to cut on and off as a teenager and then last year when I was attacked, I ended up cutting again (in my 30s) bc it brought back up a lot of old stuff. Sometimes I get the urges again but I've able to maintain it, I don't think there's a foolproof way, just what works best for you.
 
I've started punching myself in the face. I would slap myself when I was a teenager due to cryer anger. I hadn't done it in decades. The last few months I've been hitting myself when my emotions or anxiety get too intense. It's all I can do to stop me from destroying my place. I recently punched through the screen of a laptop. I find a hard slap in the face more jarring, but punching feels better and can cause more damage. I have moments where I want to smash my hands with a hammer or worse. I'm a 44yo man. I don't need this shit. But here it is. Also have eating disorder and body dysmorphia. I hit myself a lot for being hungry or feeling fat. I'm 6'0 195-200lbs.

You know when you actually write shit like this down and see it....how do you come back from this? What part of CBT covers this? Or proper breathing and crystals. Or f*cking yoga. If I have one more goddamned person try and tell me what a miracle yoga is.....
 
HUGS. Unfortunately self harm seems to be more common than not. I personally have an issue with scratching and picking. I currently have so may open wounds on my body it's hard to hide. It started out as a nervous tick, now I cannot sleep at night without picking scabs off and scratching until I break skin. I'm trying desperately to stop but have had little success.

The cherry on top is now I have someone who is interested in a relationship with me and wanting to be intimate. ...Nowhere to hide now. I'm terrified and have actually avoided the poor bloke over this.
 
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