I just wanted to share- I have struggled significantly with self harm at various points for the past 10 years. I'm in a position where I can't really say I've stopped entirely- the urge is still there often and my current living situation is so unstable that it's really quite possible (not trying to just make an excuse) for me to run through all of my other coping mechanisms in response to stress.
But for the past 6 months I've been trying harder. I've been making deals with myself, distracting myself, diverting myself, and using cheesy silly coping techniques.
The last week has been a perfect storm of stress and stressors- everything from general overwhelm to abandonment stuff to flashbacks and disclosing information about a trauma for the first time out loud. By last night I'd been wanting to cut for several days and didn't know how I was going to manage without doing so. I went downstairs and asked my housemate for a sharpie from her desk (she looked at me strangely given it was almost midnight, lol) and I drew a heart and the word 'love' really big over one of my main cutting spots, and drew a butterfly on my arm. If you don't know the butterfly method, you draw a butterfly and name it for someone who cares about you. If you cut it 'dies' and you have to scrub it off. If it fades naturally without you cutting it's free and flies away.
I know- corny, but..... My butterfly is still alive today. I'm struggling with a lot of emotions because it's hard for me to feel proud about my accomplishment in this area- I tend to minimize and say if I didn't cut then it must not have been as bad as I thought. It's hard for me to give myself the recognition that I'm getting better at other coping methods.
This officially means I haven't cut yet this year. And while I recognize that it is likely I will have setbacks (beating these sorts of habits is so tough) that still is 5 months of solid progress to build on regardless of what crops up.
But for the past 6 months I've been trying harder. I've been making deals with myself, distracting myself, diverting myself, and using cheesy silly coping techniques.
The last week has been a perfect storm of stress and stressors- everything from general overwhelm to abandonment stuff to flashbacks and disclosing information about a trauma for the first time out loud. By last night I'd been wanting to cut for several days and didn't know how I was going to manage without doing so. I went downstairs and asked my housemate for a sharpie from her desk (she looked at me strangely given it was almost midnight, lol) and I drew a heart and the word 'love' really big over one of my main cutting spots, and drew a butterfly on my arm. If you don't know the butterfly method, you draw a butterfly and name it for someone who cares about you. If you cut it 'dies' and you have to scrub it off. If it fades naturally without you cutting it's free and flies away.
I know- corny, but..... My butterfly is still alive today. I'm struggling with a lot of emotions because it's hard for me to feel proud about my accomplishment in this area- I tend to minimize and say if I didn't cut then it must not have been as bad as I thought. It's hard for me to give myself the recognition that I'm getting better at other coping methods.
This officially means I haven't cut yet this year. And while I recognize that it is likely I will have setbacks (beating these sorts of habits is so tough) that still is 5 months of solid progress to build on regardless of what crops up.
