Set Myself Up To Fail?

[KwanYingirl]

Despite my genuine desire to be healthy and functional, I seem to toss it out the window from time to time.

Lately I've either got a kidney stone or body memories. My money's on body memories, but I am seeing a Urologist in a couple of weeks.

It's summer I should be on the beach as often as possible or in my garden. I couldn't care less about either. My beloved daughter and her boyfriend were up for a wedding Saturday and stayed here. They wanted me to go to the beach with them Sunday but I begged out. I wasn't even that thrilled to see them.

I think I'm depressed. I take an atypical antipsychotic because every antidepressant known to mankind made me more depressed. BTW I have a chemical brain injury, I can sink into blackness spending an hour in a mall.

So I know this is not out of the ordinary for PTSD. I want to feel excited or ecstatic or hilarious. All I can muster is small talk with my clients. If it weren't for my dog Annie, I'd have commuted suicide by now. She is my companion and loves me unconditionally.

I want to know if anyone has experience with ECT? My psychiatrist has brought it up a few times. I have enough trouble with my memory as it is, I don't want to add fuel to the fire. So I'm wondering if anyone has had it done.

 

[franciemarnie]

I've seen threads discussing it before. I haven't had it although once in a hospital I saw a patient who was so sunk in despair, he didn't move or speak. It helped him. I do know it effects memory.

I am sure you are aware of the various somatic therapies. I just immediately thought of that as an option first if you hadn't tried it given the pain you think might be body memory. My feet used to kill me with pain, wake me up, etc. My very first somatic release got rid of that. But that might be extraordinarily dramatic. Progress has been real but slower since.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I have been to recommended to consider Somatic Experiencing. I looked in Portland and they're men. I'm fairly sure I would not relax if a strange man is handling me.

 

[Chava]

I don't know about ect, sorry, so just a short note...but I hope you get lots of info if you're researching that route. First, sorry you're struggling. Depression is horrible. Does it come and go for you? Or is it just all going downhill? I like somatic focus for therapy (my therapist has somatic experiencing certifcation, but I think jst the general somatic awareness approach is helpful for traumas piled together or childhood stuff...so maybe anything somatic focus, sensory-motorm trauma releasing??). Are there other med options to ask your doctor about. Anti-depressants, every common ssri and snri, made my life worse. I tried an NRI or NNRI (??) and it might have worked but odd joint pain was unbearable (not too common). My muscle relaxants (cyclobenzaprine) for spasms/pain make me drowsy, so I only take them at night, but they seem to boost my mood a bit...I guess they are similar in chemical structure to the old tricyclic anti-depressants. Anyway, I'm probably saying too much of what you didn't ask for because it sounds like you're already looking beyond the typical anti-depressants (I just find so many docs think only of SSRIs...and for me they are hell). Hang in there and take care of yourself.

 

[Go Hungry]

I don't think you're setting yourself up to fail. Depression strikes on it's own schedule, and summertime is no different. I have heard that ECT does often work with depression, but as Chava said, try and do alot of research. I do know that it isn't like in the movies though. :hug:

 

[xena21]

Yes, I have had ECT twice. It worked very well for me both times except my memory was inhibited both times. They stopped because of my memory loss both times as well. This doesn't happen with everyone. They were very optimistic at first, but because of the memory issues they had to stop. It might very well work for you.

I would look into it, because like I said, some people don't have the memory issues like I have. You might be one of those lucky people that don't have any memory problems. That would be great!. Try it!

 

[KwanYingirl]

@xena21 did you get your memory back? Could you drive home when you had it done? Could you work? I live alone and my dog Annie depends on me. I don't want to put her in a bad way. But even though you had to stop the ECT do you have any relief from your depression or does it just last a little while. You know like do you have to keep having them? No meds at all help my depression. I take Geodon an atypical antipsychotic that has helped the compulsive parts of me but I gained fifty pounds and now I hate my body.

 

[xena21]

did you get your memory back? Could you drive home when you had it done? Could you work?

Hi...I haven't got my short term memory back for that few weeks. I couldn't drive myself home, but you can have someone else drive you home. They give you anesthesia so that's why you can't drive home. I don't work right now, so that wasn't an issue. I assume you could work if you allowed that day off.

I was one of the participants that had memory loss. Not everyone has memory loss. I met many people that had success and swore by it. I had success for a couple weeks and felt better, but my memory was too inhibited that they wouldn't continue. It is many weeks long. After you do the prescribed amount of weeks, they do maintenance ECT over a period of months. This is to make sure you still get long term benefits. I never had this due to the memory issues.

I would say to try it only if you have tried meds and they haven't worked. Good luck.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Ok thanks

 

[ghotiff]

Depression is horrible. I just wanted to send some virtual support your way.