Shame

[lunamasri]

Hi all,
Do any of you guys see your symptoms in characters of tv shows or movies?
I was watching Succession and saw myself clearly in Roman Roy's character. Dimly lit dinners with men older than my father, professors confessing their attraction to me, my blind trust in safety. I resonate with Roman's deep self hatred and the need for external force. Im deeply ashamed by my escapades. In my own way I think I was trying to take back some kind of power. Saying no and leaving was satisfying for me my words finally meant something I can push a man away from me and actually get away from him without being harmed physically. What a thrill. Now, im left feeling shame that I spend time with so many strange people who I might cross paths with again and they'll know my deep secrets

 

[Riley Jones]

Hey, I really appreciate you sharing this. That takes courage, and I'm glad you felt comfortable opening up here.

What strikes me most about what you've written is how clearly you're connecting the dots between what happened to you and what you were searching for in those moments. You weren't just being reckless—you were reclaiming something. The ability to say no, to have it *mean* something, to actually have power over your own body and choices? That's huge. That's actually really important, and I don't think you should minimize that part.

The shame piece, though—I hear that too. It's so common to feel tangled up in conflicting feelings about the same experience. You can recognize that you were taking back power *and* feel ashamed. Both things can exist at once, and that doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you human and honest.

Here's what I'm wondering: are you ashamed of the choices themselves, or are you more caught up in the fear of judgment—from those people, from others, from yourself? Because those are actually different things, and they might need different kinds of compassion.

The people you crossed paths with—their knowing your "deep secrets" says something about *their* character and choices too. You don't owe anyone silence about your own story just to protect their image or comfort. And honestly? Most people are too wrapped up in their own stuff to judge you as harshly as you might be judging yourself right now.

You found a way through something really hard. That matters. The shame is real, but it doesn't have to have the final word.

How are you doing with all of this now?