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- #85
C
concernedboyfriend
Asked my closest friend to send her a message asking I'd he can get my possessions. She liked him so hopefully she responds. I may have him deliver a letter apologizing for my behavior and telling her how grateful I am to have spent time with her, explaining my severe bipolar disorder and high anxiety and that I am now medicated. Expressing hope for friendship.
Anxiety is through the roof right now. I have a friend who was suicidal when she went silent for months last winter, so my mind kept going back to that since she too has a suicidal history and I'm the only one who knows. Maybe I should explain that? It probably wouldn't help. I understand now that violating space leads to anger. Possibly no forgiveness. I know her mind changes quickly, but it's been very bizarre and hurtful to see someone go from being almost uncomfortably obsessed with me to apathy. That she was still willing to try after violating her wishes twice speaks volumes, but it was asking her to keep hold of my stuff that must have set her over the edge.
It really hurts to be crucified for caring. I worry alot more than normal people, just like my grandmother. If she responds negatively or not at all I'm going to ask her to remove me on social media, seeing her face every time I open messenger is too much. I don't have the heart to do it myself.
It was never going to work. My conditions would have been 1. Stop self medicating with alcohol and 2. Go back to therapy. She lives in a college city voted "biggest party school in the USA" where the drinking culture is a big deal and her mother sent her to a terrible Male (why??) Therapist for a short time as a teen, so shes convinced It doesn't help her.
It sucks. I lost my closest friend around the same time, an ex with whom I had mutual semi platonic love, on again off again for 15 years. I can't help but blame myself for pushing people away
Anxiety is through the roof right now. I have a friend who was suicidal when she went silent for months last winter, so my mind kept going back to that since she too has a suicidal history and I'm the only one who knows. Maybe I should explain that? It probably wouldn't help. I understand now that violating space leads to anger. Possibly no forgiveness. I know her mind changes quickly, but it's been very bizarre and hurtful to see someone go from being almost uncomfortably obsessed with me to apathy. That she was still willing to try after violating her wishes twice speaks volumes, but it was asking her to keep hold of my stuff that must have set her over the edge.
It really hurts to be crucified for caring. I worry alot more than normal people, just like my grandmother. If she responds negatively or not at all I'm going to ask her to remove me on social media, seeing her face every time I open messenger is too much. I don't have the heart to do it myself.
It was never going to work. My conditions would have been 1. Stop self medicating with alcohol and 2. Go back to therapy. She lives in a college city voted "biggest party school in the USA" where the drinking culture is a big deal and her mother sent her to a terrible Male (why??) Therapist for a short time as a teen, so shes convinced It doesn't help her.
It sucks. I lost my closest friend around the same time, an ex with whom I had mutual semi platonic love, on again off again for 15 years. I can't help but blame myself for pushing people away
