General Should i address this situation?

[Snowflakes]

@leehalf I have nothing to add. Everyone else has said what I would have said. I just wanted to tell you I empathize with what you’re going through. More times than I care to admit, I’ve wanted to take a 2x4 to my sufferers family and school them.
Take care :hug:

 

[Sighs]

My vet's sister (who loves him dearly and speaks to him on the phone about once a week) said to me that "he can't rely on that excuse forever!" in relation to his PTSD. :rolleyes:

As frustrating as it for you, let him deal with his family the way he wants to deal with his family. You will cop it if you try to "interfere" at all.

:hug:

 

[LuckiLee]

@Snowflakes. Maybe we could do what they did in the movie "Strangers on a train"?

I could "educate" your Mrs. family and you could "educate" J's family. I think that could work . ;)

 

[Freida]

wait -- didn't we decide we were going to send her away?? :);)

Backstory -- My family has always been very close and non-drama. So this may sound odd.... but they only have a vague idea that I have PTSD. They think it is from a hospitalization when I was in the military overseas. They have no idea what my service dog is for. Nor do they want to know. My mom said "its just to hard to hear when bad things happen to my kids" and my dad - old generation - thinks ptsd is shell shock and is confused because I wasn't technically in combat. It is appalling to them that I am not able to work right now and that I am broken in my brain. They are also annoyed that I am too tired and messed up to keep my house as nice as they would like. Part of it is because my brother became a tinfoil hat wearing nut job in his teens and has wrecked havoc with our lives for decades. Then I lost it -- and they couldn't cope. So I try to hide the worst of it from them, don't let them see the bad days, don't talk about it.

We have managed to keep a relationship because I don't have the energy to fight to convince them to learn about PTSD and triggers and treatment and blah blah blah. I've leaned to accept them for who they are and what they can handle. Does it hurt? Oh shit ya. But, there is nothing I can do to try to fix that.

It makes my hubby furious, so he is to a point where he just stays away from them. He tries to be polite but he can't stand how much it hurts me to see that they cant accept it. They actually blame him -- because if you can't ignore it then you have to blame someone. That's the part that makes him crazy. I think he would agree with @Snowflakes about the 2x4. We don't do holidays or any of that kind of thing with them any more. Instead we spend time with his family, who do a much better job of handling it. It's getting easier for me as time goes by but I don't know if he will every be ok with them. And they would NEVER listen to him if he tried to explain it.

 

[Never_falter2]

How does J see his family? Did you discuss them with him before? Was he happy growing up?

 

[shimmerz]

I really want her to realize what J deals with everyday.

This is a pretty common thing that those of us who suffer with PTSD deal with - sometimes 100's of times a day. It is frustrating to experience the ignorance of others. I have given up trying to explain to people. Perhaps your husband has gotten to that point as well. I wouldn't bother explaining, myself.

 

[scout86]

What kind of an ass doesn't care if their sibling is ill?

I think there are probably several kinds. But, I don't think such a thing is uncommon in dysfunctional families. It's the way my family "works".

 

[NaeNae75]

I think there are probably several kinds. But, I don't think such a thing is uncommon in dysfunctional...

I don't even think it's just dysfunctional families. I know my family is dysfunctional, and it's just a lost cause at this point because no one is interested in changing. (other than me)

But even in my s/o's family, they don't get it. They live about 4 hours away and we barely see them twice a year, but he talks to them on and off. They are a VERY Christian family, and overall pleasant to be around. So it isn't hard for the little contact he has with them to be "normal" and expects me to act like everything is normal too....he "pretends" for them. Subsequently, when he was suicidal, I called his mother for help...and it backfired on me in the long run. No one was upset with me per se, but now his mother doesn't want to speak regularly like we used to. It made her uncomfortable. She had essentially zero desire to learn about him having problems because she felt like she couldn't handle it.

I suppose that is in and of itself dysfunctional, but overall, they are "normal" people. They are just all happy with pretending they're happy, I guess.

 

[grimalkin]

I WISH I could tell my sufferer's family about what is really going on. They think our divorce was a mutual decision and that while he needs help, he's not *that* bad. His kids have really no idea why he's been in and out of their lives, all their lives. I know his sister knows he has PTSD, but, like me, he's told her he has it "under control" and it's "not an issue." I think she knows more than she lets on, only because she tried to warn me, in her own way, when we got married.

It's frustrating just from the standpoint that I have no idea exactly what he HAS told them, and I can't ask them questions or reiterate that he needs support and help. And I certainly can't defend myself or set tell them that, no, he dumped me, it wasn't mutual, and it's amicable only because I still love him and I'd rather have him in my life than not. But I can't give my point of view because the reason is he has PTSD and can't deal with a relationship anymore. And we supporters aren't supposed to talk about that.

And, it's frustrating because some of us really do have his best interests at heart, but with the threat that he would see it as a betrayal for us to talk about it...so those of us who know can't let on that we know to each other. And all we can do is watch while he gets worse and throws away his life and the people he loves.

 

[LuckiLee]

What I'm getting here is basically nobody's family is supportive?!? Or even tries to understand? WTH!

@Never_falter, his family is textbook dysfunction. Mother is a narcissist (my diagnosis;) ) . Estranged father, Vietnam veteran. Abusive stepfather, Vietnam veteran P.O.W. . From that came 2 alcoholic sons, a narcissistic daughter (my diagnosis lol ). And a bible thumper daughter who is verbally abusive . J is the normal one. The veteran with PTSD.

If he didn't have the disorder before the military he was definitely predisposed to it.
He knows how they are. He sees the dysfunction. Which is why he always tries to help. They always come to him for everything. I get so aggravated because , you know, most of the time we're just trying to get through the day.

And there it is. Black and white. He would do anything for them and they won't even learn about PTSD. Grrrr!!!

On the plus side. J is loving the dog! Get this. The last three nights. He doesn't remember his nightmares! He remembers waking up but not why? AND he had a DREAM about the dog. He was lost and J found him by the lake. A DREAM, people! It's been months since he's had a normal dream. He's getting outside more. (doing perimeter checks:)
Smiling more. Talking in a silly voice. Lol.
All positives. Woo hoo!!

XO

 

[Sweetpea76]

Get that man a dog ASAP!

 

[Freida]

yes!! A dog is a game changer. I can't believe how much mine has helped. Has he looked into service dogs??

And yep -- even my relatively no drama normal family sucks when it comes to the whole ptsd thing. it's just to much for them to accept I could have been hurt so badly it led to ptsd. So they ignore it and hope it goes away